Chapter 1: What recent moon expedition are we discussing?
It's the Friday Club. The weekend's here, get in that pub. It's Friday Club. Bing, bang, bosh. With all of your favourites from under the cusp. So if you want to share a story or relive a form of glory, fatter the wheat or clap in them cheeks, maybe you got caught by the mother-in-law having a wank. It's all here on the Friday Club.
Interesting one outside the train station today at King's Cross. We got called a firm.
Just the two of you?
No, Chris weren't there. He said, great firm you're lot.
Oh, right.
You're like a West Ham guy. Yeah. You do the accent. You did the accent well. Back off. Great firm. Yeah, I said, yeah, I just went, lads, great firm you lads. Right, yeah. Tap me on my back and all.
Like if somebody wanted kneecapping, they could give us a show.
Yeah, you know like Danny Dyer's type job. Ah, yeah. They're Birmingham, aren't they? Tell you what, good news for the koshers, isn't it, when the sun starts coming out. There they are. There's the belters. These are too big now.
are they yeah what round the waist or legs like have you lost muscle yeah i've been working on my muscle chris doing my squats and my squat calf raises yeah yeah i've got a somber moment talking about clothing um i think i've not popped another button have you
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Chapter 2: Who really built the pyramids?
Can't see if she's blind. No, I think my ex was better. That's bad. If it's a girlfriend.
If she's checking her phone, it's that, you know, national emergency. You can't hold that against her. She's blind. She's got a baggy fanny. Yeah. That's her fault. Blind, baggy fanny.
We've managed to disable any blame to us.
That's exactly what we've done.
Perfect. I'm not fat with us more, Willie, at all.
Yeah, and her ex-boyfriend would see more butts.
Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy.
Yeah.
Yeah. And you can't compete with an athlete, can you?
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Chapter 3: What was the unwanted dogging experience shared?
I'll openly admit, I know nothing about that. Do you think it's real? No, I don't know. Not bothered if it is or it's not, but no. Did they stream it live or something? Yeah, they did. Live AI, that's what it is. What was it for? I think we took Dark Side of the Moon, hadn't we? I did see that more people watched... I saw the whole of the moon.
More people watched Bracknell's team against Nag's head than they did the live stream of the moon. Did they? I'm not surprised. It's shit. What do we want to know? Why are we bothered what's up there? Come on. I suppose you could argue that we have to constantly make those technological advances.
Why? Because one day we might have got to another planet. I don't think it'll be the next planet. You know, in thousands of years.
Have they just seen which is the best place to build? Yeah. I'll tell you what we'll do. Best plot alarm. That'll look nice if Ben Bailey's on. I'm just saying that's what some people might say. Well, we've been here for 2,000 years or whatever we've been here.
2,000 years.
How long have we been here? How long have we been here?
Definitely more than two.
We're only in 2026, son. Yeah, but that's since Big Man got across. Nobody knows if that really happened, does it? It's just bollocks. What do you think happened? Do you think there was just a big bang and then they were, oh, fuck me, that dinosaur's gone. Oh, I'll tell you what, there's a car there. I'm asking you, what do you think you happened to? I don't have a clue.
I've no idea, neither has anybody else. And you're happy not knowing? No, nobody knows. They're just surmising. They're just making it up to make them sound smart and get a job. I mean, you've got like... Fossils. Fossils, like theory of evolution and... Whose theory? Who made this up? Charles Darwin. Ah, just made it up. Do you think it came from a monkey? I'm probably halfway.
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Chapter 4: What are the questionable family moments mentioned?
So they've not built the pyramids up. They've dug down. So that were all rock and just dug down. But what about all blocks, how they're perfectly made? Well, they're perfectly chiseled, didn't they? They were talented back then. Lads have got some good tools back then, the Egyptians. You ever thought of that? They didn't build up, they dug down.
So what they did is they got rid of everything else apart from pyramids.
Yeah, don't get me wrong. There were plenty of wheelbarrowing going off.
where do they put it all well it's at size where they're all sand around them just fucking pushed it and all well they had a steamer that was a good roller yeah no it's a good i've never thought about that well yeah they dug down obviously i've not that much but is it obviously is it is it a theory that they just dug down i don't think so i don't think that's possible no has anybody ever said that
Not now. This is groundbreaking stuff. I don't think it's possible, but obviously.
I'll tell you what's happened. Floods. Washed it all away. Well, there we go. He just talks and studies something. Yeah. So what's the theory on, seriously then, what's the theory on pyramids then? Thousands and thousands of people built them. Yeah. And they used... It's not that fucking impressive then, is it?
No, but then other theories are. Good firm then. Right, good firm. Other theories are that we were more technologically advanced than we are today when they built them. And then... And then there was a disaster that wiped us out. And then we had to start again. Right.
So you're trying to tell me that back in the day, an Egyptian fella got off his camel and he could turn eating on inside. Oh, there weren't camels on it. Hoverboard. Pulled up on his hoverboard. He pulled up in his Tesla.
Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What tattoo story from Benidorm is shared?
No after effects, you don't feel drowsy, groggy? I had it last night. Does it make you contemplate life? Anyway, but just knowing it feels like you've got a dead arse. What about the killer man, is that? Well to be fair, I didn't disclose I was on that, you know, not filling me with a questionnaire. Well I asked you that two episodes ago. What are you doing? You might get really ill.
I'll be all right. If there's any experts out there, is he taking a big risk? Getting the... And the... I'll tell you who's looking forward to it. Tonight. Oh, yes. Get that lad in. But no, for me, it's a load of shite. Moon. Yeah, moon. We don't need to go, do we? We need to get Stefan Schwartz on because he got a ticket to space, paid for a ticket to space. Really?
When he was playing and he couldn't go while he was playing because of the insurance and that. Do you think he wants to come on now? I tell you, he rang us on Facebook. Get him on. Has he not been in space since? I think he might have done, you know. Wrong number. Yeah. He was trying to ring Bronson. He tried putting Pluto's dialing code in, but it just went through.
He put plus 44 from up in space and it, oh, it's Brownie.
Brownie next to bezel. Oh, sorry, Chris.
Yeah, he'd be good in him. Look at this guy.
Probably should have answered the call.
If somebody offers you a free ticket to Moon, well, not to Moon, just space, and you can have a look back. Free ticket. It wouldn't be last. No. You know what I mean? Flipping suits. Sumo suits.
He'd be sweating in them.
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Chapter 6: How did the hosts react to the moon expedition news?
The smart ones. What, the poison? That would be bad. If they go up to his room and die. I wrote to us. He was like nearly in tears. I said, Otis, I know son, but I don't want them in my house. And I think the more that he saw, he was like, yeah, I think you're right, dad, get rid of them. But someone... Do you mean the more you saw?
Were you just sat watching telly and they were just like mooching about? We... Originally we thought there was one. Yeah, that's exactly what they were doing when I see them.
They owned the place.
Catch them. Excuse me, would you mind leaving, lads? I'm fucking up. No, we saw one. I'll tell you why they're so brazen, because I've seen it when he'd come downstairs when Berkley were in.
excuse me could you please leave i should have done that noise but so there was one and then i've gone in the kitchen and then another two were just like not bothered one bit do you not think that the mice are in because of all crumbs and yeah what to be honest because we went to london and then we stayed for the weekend over in manchester and i left a bag crumbs just food
There's lots of bags in your kitchen. Like, bags of everything.
There is crumbs everywhere in your house, though.
Yeah. Well, it's the kids, that. Under the dining room. No, in the drop stove. You can over.
You can over. I know.
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Chapter 7: What humorous anecdotes are shared about personal relationships?
Old school trap. Hang on, not even then. At least you've called them, haven't you? The thing is, like my dad said, he said, they're going to stink. Yeah, when they start rotting.
No.
Oh, yeah.
There's rotting food everywhere. You're not going to really know what to say.
You don't know if it's a dead mouse or your milk. He had a good feed under that table. Fucking hell, lads, get in here. It's all you can eat, Buffy. Floated. He was full as fuck. It's like a cartoon. Do you want another plate, Jeff? I can't fucking move. Turn on his nose, I'll put a piece of cheese. I couldn't eat another thing. I couldn't even do the cheese mowing.
I said, all you can eat, Buffy, down at 38 Tong Lane. Oh, but David, tell me about when I heard something in the kitchen and got downstairs and there was just pigeon everywhere.
from cat oh so cat have brought a pigeon in live feathers and everywhere this is a genuine question because i i've never had a cat but you know with a dog as if a dog has a drops a batch in your sitting room you can tell it off like yeah it listens but if the cat brings a pigeon in can you go oh no because they think they're doing they're doing you a favor for you but it's not
I know it's not aftershave, Chris, but a dog won't realise. To be fair, Lolo fetched a mouse in the other day at Katie's dad's. Is that a dog or a cat? Cat. No, dog. It's a dog. I ain't got no cat. So much confidence as well. I've gone, man, I've gone. Which one's a cat again? Which one's a dog? He was certain, wasn't he? Whiskers. I know, I've only got dogs.
Yeah, her dad had put some in the garden. What do you call them with the gross stuff? Lachman. Lachman, no. Greenhouse. Greenhouse and that, yeah, put some stuff down and dog must have gone into the backyard and fetched a mouse in.
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Chapter 8: What are the final thoughts and takeaways from this episode?
And actually the bird went and hit the fireman and cut his face when it flew out of the back of the fire when he was getting it out.
See, I can't remember about that bit. Yeah, with it, right, that's perfect, right. Did they get it out? It got out, it was stuck in the fireman's face. Right, that's perfect, thank you. All right, thank you. Right, see you later. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
As if she just thanked me for it. Thank you. So, we didn't only have one fire brigade, so I did tell a lie. We had two fire brigades.
Who was it, as you said, called out?
NSPC? She's nearly 80, bless her. We've got a kid in the fucking... We've got a kid in the fireplace. Get that sparrow out of here, though. Oliver, come down. Come down out of that chimney. Come down. Yeah, I don't tell... That's why they called me on his John. Is it wasting fire?
Oh, nah, then. I'll tell you what.
It is. For a sparrow? Well, I know. No, for a starling. For a starling? Yeah. Tell you what. I bet it hurt because they've got beaks on them starlings. What was it? A headbutt? Well, it flew out and flew into a fireman's face. Oh, God. I liked it in there. They kept chucking bread in for me. Hats off to the firemen. To be fair, back then, there wouldn't have been a short staff, will there?
No.
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