Can You 'Return' a Badly-Behaved Dog?
episode
Wanging On with Graham Norton and Maria McErlane
33 min
2 speakers
4 chapters
transcribed 2 months ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What festival memories and Glastonbury horror stories do Graham and Maria open with?
The only good place to dump a body off the train is if you're on a bridge going over a quarry or something. I hate you for dissing my husband. Yeah, she had a funny face. It was a bit like a snarl. And then she snapped at me. A bad to behave dog is a nightmare and that continues to disrupt your life. Hello and welcome to yet another episode of Wanging On with Graham and Maria. One of us is Graham, one of us is Maria. Try to work out which one they are. This is your one-stop shop for half-baked advice. Maria.
Which one am I?
I don't know. I can't know everything. This is a weird year. Yeah. No glass debris. I know.
Feels sort of barren and empty, doesn't it?
I know. The cows must be just like... There's normally a lot of noise now. A lot of traffic.
I mean, now, these days, I like to watch it on the televisual medium.
Oh, I mean, that is the only way to watch it. It's like Chelsea Flower Show. No reason to go because there are cameras.
But I have been. I mean, it's a young person's game, isn't it?
It's an idiot's game.
No. You've been. I've been.
How do Graham and Maria introduce the show and set the episode's tone?
I enjoyed it. Did you? Apart from the loos.
The loos. I mean, when I went, it was a very wet one. It was disgusting. And we abandoned it.
Did you? You went home?
Yeah. And we had some sort of fancy parking thing, so we were kind of on site with our car. Of course you were. And leaving it, people were throwing themselves at the car like it was the last helicopter leaving Saigon. It was... It was just so grim.
Did you take pity on anyone?
No, we turned on the windscreen wipers.
Festival goes flying. Hither and thither.
Boots and a little backpack.
Oh, my goodness. A little cup of wee-wee as well.
The toiletry thing, though. There wasn't a year I was there. I think it was a couple of years afterwards. There was that story about it was so wet and muddy. And they were in some big dance tent. And it was just, you know, they were dancing. Up to their knees. Up to their knees in mud. So they got the big machine to come and, you know, try and suck all the mud out and the liquid out. And they put the big hose in and somebody pressed blow instead of suck. And it was all toilet waste.
Stop it! This sounds like an apocryphal story.
Just got... They all got covered. They didn't care. They just danced on. A bit of toilet paper stuck to their head.
The mud, yeah, you did have to embrace that, I think, because there's no way around it. But mud doesn't quite cover it.
It's not like mud. It's just, it's like melted chocolate. It's just so liquidy and horrible.
No, don't like that. No, the toilets are not good. And I don't miss that about festivals, because now I have Southeastern Railway to replace it.
Oh, you are lucky.
I know. It's nostalgia every time I use one of their loos.
And do you know what? I remember details about Glastonbury.
Such as?
Well, like, you know, the driving out, the mud, all that sort of stuff.
Do you remember any of the bands you saw?
Not one. No. I don't know who was playing. I don't even know if I saw any bands. Yeah, no idea.
Whereas when you watch it on telly... Did you see the Beatles when you went?
Yes, I did. They were very good. Very good. I saw Buddy Holly. But also, when I watch it on telly and those people, you know, I was watching, you know, the Kylie documentary. Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, those people are so far away. I mean, they could be anywhere. It's insane. Oh, I went to see Kylie. Did I go with you to see Kylie? See, that's my preferred medium now to go to stadium shows. And it's one night and then you're home.
I went to see Taylor Swift in Dublin. I did too. I know. And that was kind of perfect because Dublin's a really good size. So when you leave the stadium, we were able to just walk. Yeah. Whereas I remember I went to see Oasis at Wembley. loved the show, and then every ounce of joy was sucked out of me. Sucked out of your soul. Trying to get home as you just sat in traffic. Where was it? Where was it? Wembley. It's in North London.
Yeah, no, I know, I know. I went to see, I took my nieces to see, busted.
Busted?
Yeah, so that's how long ago that was.
But they were in the arena, surely, were they in Wembley Stadium?
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What festival memories and Glastonbury horror stories do Graham and Maria open with?
0:00–1:12
2
How do Graham and Maria introduce the show and set the episode's tone?
1:12–13:19
3
How should you recover after accidentally insulting a colleague's partner at work?
13:19–20:41
4
What listener reactions and workplace advice do the hosts and audience offer about the faux-pas?
20:41–33:13