Chapter 1: What happens after Kizzy dumps Tommy?
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Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe so that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. Meanwhile, Brooke, who's one of the women, is talking about her poodle. Oh, yeah, Brooke is the Harvard one. Okay, poodle. I was wondering.
I couldn't understand what she said. So it was poodle? This is what she was talking about? So she's telling Joe about her poodle, and she goes... She's like, have you ever had much interaction with the poodle? They're really geniuses. He speaks English. Like actually, he knows so many words. And Nathan is like fixing something behind her. And he just looks at the camera.
He does like a full gym from the office. He looks at the camera like, what? What is happening here? And by the way, Brooke is such a poodle owner because poodle people say this shit all the time. They're so smart. They're like the smartest dogs. I'm like, I literally don't care how smart your dog is. I am not asking your dog to write a dissertation for me. Just get it off my lap.
I've also never seen proof of this being true. And I've known a lot of poodles. But poodle owners are like, oh my God, poodles are brilliant. Poodles can do your taxes.
Poodles are the most annoying fucking dog there ever is. You don't like poodles. I hate a poodle. Like a big poodle. The tall ones. The tall ones are just inconsolable.
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Chapter 2: How does a new stew impact Kizzy's competition?
They're awful. I'm sorry. They are awful. They are up in your business all the time. They're always jumping on you. They're always being loud. They just bark. They're bossy. Like the little French, like the little toy poodles are fine. They're fine. But that's the big ones. I'm just like, oh my God, get out of my face, please.
I mean, I like a poodle okay, but I just don't think that they're these brilliant dogs. They're like, oh my God, put a piano in front of my poodle. It will play Beethoven. I'm telling you. It's amazing. Poodles are amazing. I think it's maybe the people who get the poodles that are annoying. Maybe. Because they get them because they can say they have brilliant dogs. I just don't get it.
You know the best dogs? Vichlas. They're such bitches. They're like, I'm hot. They're like, I'm hot. You're stupid. Vichla. Yeah, the Hungarian Vizslas. They're like, you're stupid. Like if a dog had a voice, it would be a Vizsla. Oh, they're great.
Chapter 3: What unique dating show is introduced on the boat?
You're stupid. Look, we all look the same and we all look better than you, stupid head.
They are great. In fact, I just saw a video of like two Vizslas playing with an automatic ball fetcher machine. And they were so excited because what happens is the machine just like spits out a ball and they go and they get the ball and they bring it back and they dump it into the machine and the machine spits it out again. And those two dogs were so excited.
See, like I can be warm and loving and find joy in dogs. It's just the poodles, the poodles I don't. I almost wonder, is it a dog owner thing? Do like poodle owners, because they're so obsessed with a dog being smart, do they treat them a little differently? Do they like coddle them? Do they spoil them? And so as a result, the dog just like,
runs roughshod all over the place well yeah it's like the kids with parents who are like you are the smartest most gorgeous person in this school you are going to get out of this car and you are going to win it everything because you are the best your hair must be perfect your grades must be perfect everything must be perfect now get to that school and you make me proud
and then those kids are always and then they end up on some charter after a heroin addiction and they're like you know what i'm this this all went bad because my parents demanded perfection and you know they're curling their hair really tightly and you're like oh my god they're becoming a poodle stop them stop them and then you've got this dummy on the boat like oh my god my poodle is so smart and it's just like some shaky person in the back with a really tight perm like my parents ruined me
Well, so I guess I'm glad we drilled down because once again, blaming the dog for probably the owner's fault.
Yeah. It's never the animal's fault. It's never the animal's fault. Okay.
I know that. I know that. But like, but to be fair, some dogs are more hyperactive than others and poodles are one of them.
Yeah. Okay.
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Chapter 4: How do the crew members react to Kizzy's performance?
Yeah. By the way, have you touched anything that had G in it today? Because, please, if you have, do not touch me. It's just a thing.
It's just one of my things. I'm gluten-free, but I'm also glue-free. I will not go near Elmer's, nor will I read anything by Elmore Leonard, which is sort of something else. I'm big on staples.
Huge on staples. No glue. So, Nathan, you see Nathan's little head pop up from behind because he's spying on them from the stairs. He's just looking at the camera like, what the fuck?
it was generally his cutest moment he's ever had um so people are doing stuff uh anna is first trapping still and uh joe the deckhand joe goes up to kids and he goes you smell really nice he's like i don't smith i don't smell sweaty do i no, that's what I like. And, uh, and I vomited my mouth. So now the women are changing because they're going to be getting ready for their evening activities.
And Josh is saying that like one thing that's tricky for him is that there are, there's someone who's Brooke is gluten-free as we know, cause she's been since she's 16. And then Anna's gluten-free and merely is lactose intolerant. And he's like, um, I hope this guy finds love, but also I hope he kicks out the dietary preference people first.
Yeah. So then Joe and Max are still dancing around on the boat. And Max and V are taking a break. And so we go to Max in his cabin speaking French. And he's like, oh, you see, there were two guys that got fired, which was good because they were injured. But now there's a new guy who come. And he's the best friend of my boss. I'm here. I've left a little out, you see.
It is like Mother's Day, Father's Day, all at the same time. I got mail, mail, mail.
He's turning into a French Patsy Cline song. So then Nathan's telling Joe they're going to get the jet skis out and everything. And Captain Sandy's looking around and she goes, for the first time, this is notable, the first time ever, Sandy goes, probably should have never put out the toys in the first place. Wow.
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Chapter 5: What challenges arise during the dinner preparations?
Captain Sandy, queen of, as soon as we even look at the anchor, I want five toys out in the ocean.
Okay. Always be toying. Always be toying.
so uh now there's masquerade masks masquerade masks coming up for dinner and asia puts one on um so captain sandy's just loving this whole dating thing she's like asia asia who do you think he's gonna end up with she's like i don't know there's a few good options i reckon leah alicia or ashley i mean there's one who's gluten free i'm tempted just to give her a little pizza crust just to get this party started
And Sandy's like, wow, I could never do what Joe's doing in a million years. Before Leah, I never went on official dates. And then we see a picture and the picture's Leah. And she's like, baby, baby, baby.
She is the baby filter. yeah you know i was a captain i was always at sea i would have sea dates i would just be like hey poseidon come and meet me over here just kidding i'm a lesbian i didn't really have time for a relationship and then i met leah she is my person for the rest of my life hold on one second hey hey baby is bear there
Bear's here, baby. You know what Bear said? He said that you're cute. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Did I say cute? I meant to say sexy, baby.
You're so sexy, baby. Okay. Oh, so good to see you. So good to see you, honey. What do you think Joe's going to pick? I'm so beside myself. I can't even. I have to tell everyone. Who's Joe going to pick? Who do you think, little bear?
Well, if he's smart, he's going to pick you. But unfortunately, you're taking baby. You're the best woman on that boat, baby.
Oh yeah, you're right. Okay. Hey, don't forget to wash my capris before I get home. Love ya.
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Chapter 6: What strategies do the women use to impress Bachelor Joe?
Love ya, baby. Bye, baby. Uh, so we go to Josh and Kathy in the galley and, um, she's sweaty. And so we ask her what asks her what got her into yachting. And she's like, well, I was a surgical, surgical maxillinus, maxillinus, like, you know, teeth. I don't really know how to say it. I'm sorry. I didn't graduate from Harvard personally, but I was a surgical maxillinus like teeth.
It's a person who loves teeth, but hates their son's name, Max. Okay. Um, And I specialised in botus bone rating implantology. That's where we put breasts into mouths. So you'll see sometimes people smiling and when they open their teeth, you see that there are actually a wall of breasts there. It's actually quite attractive to some people. So I did that for a while.
But then I realised I was just bending over all day, you know, and it hurt my back. And I said, ow! And I went to the doctor and he said, actually, two of your spine thingies are touching each other. And so I had to quit. And then I became a maid and I decided I'm going to be the best maid in the world. And I'm going to be the top chief stew within two years, which I did. I've accomplished that.
So it's wonderful. By the way, your teeth could use some breasts on it. Have you ever considered that?
I was so I was confused because you told Josh, I guess. So she used to do like bone grafting, implanting on teeth or like teeth implants or she did something with bones and she was doing surgeries. But then the story she tells us also that she went to football practice, which and then like she stepped down. I was like, I just am confused how this, I don't think she's lying.
I just am confused about how the football practice and the bone thing, it all mixed together, but she almost didn't walk or whatever. But she came in with a pretty big and intense backstory where she's like, I was almost paralyzed and I used all my willpower to move my toe. And I just love that Kizzy's is like, I like to dance and I'm really good at dancing.
Kizzy's like, I was always the lead in plays.
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Chapter 7: How does Joe handle his decisions about the women on the boat?
That's hers. I was the most popular girl in the school. I was the prettiest and I was the lead in every play. That's a job game. I was a surgeon for teeth and broken teeth and booby teeth. And then I heard myself playing sports at the highest level possible. because I was bent over trying to save people. And now I almost died, but I've moved my toe.
And now I'm here with my golden squeezy in hand.
Never do dental surgery while playing football.
so uh i don't understand but it was impressive but i didn't understand it i think she hurt her back i think it she was mentioning football because it shouldn't have hurt her back but the reason it hurt her back is because when you're working on teeth all day you're hunched over and it ended up hurting her back and destroying her back and so that's why she left that's so scary yeah Yeah.
That's why I don't fix teeth. Okay. Lesson learned. Okay, y'all. So now Bachelor Joe is talking to Asha and he's like, wow, you have such a beautiful name. It's like, oh.
Okay. All right. That's great. Okay. So then. Sounds like he's opening a garage door to hell. She's just like, what? You just dipped into another dishwasher bubble bath. So the women are getting ready and Leah is saying, they just need more time to figure out who this guy is. And Anna goes, I'm here for the yacht at the end of the day. I'm not really here for the guy.
I have plenty of those in New York.
Yeah. And I don't blame her, but at least pretend, you know, we're all here making it, ma'am. So they all look at her like, gross. So then Aisha and the Joes are talking and Bachelor Joe is saying he's having a great, who cares? So then we go to Brooke saying she doesn't know how she's going to choose or Joe doesn't know how. Oh, God. I'm so sorry, you guys.
Joe's like, I don't know how I'm going to choose, but it's going to be so hard. And now it's dinner time. Everybody gets all fancy. And what's her buns? Kathy is trying to figure out drawers and everything's broken and everything's a piece of shit in there. And Kathy is going to fix everything. Okay, guys. Yeah.
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Chapter 8: What are the final thoughts on the episode's events?
And she's like, Kizzy, Kizzy, could you come here? You see this bed. Does this look perfect to you? Yes, it is. Thank you. No, it's not. Look at these wrinkles on the bed. It's not proper. It's not proper. They're not going to come out unless we wet it. Please wet the wrinkles. Wet the wrinkles.
and she's just like she's pointing out all these like little meticulous details everywhere and kizzy is just like zoning out and so kizzy tells us i'm so used to having to fight for my place that it's like i see everyone everything is competition growing up i was always the lead in plays or always front and center i know i'm not a better stew than kathy she's a good stew but in the back of my head that little dancer brain's going she's front and center right now and you should be front and center you're not good enough
and this is where we see pictures of her like as the lead in a play and then doing something else where she's just winning yeah she's like a like a face full of like she's got like JonBenet Ramsey makeup and she's like dancing and whatever it's actually hilarious but she's like all I hear is you're center stage you're not good enough and then it cuts to Kathy and she's like Kizzy I can't stand when the caddies are put back with rubbish in them please empty the trash every time you pass one thank you
She's like, oh, so you think you're the star of the show with your rubbish rules.
She's like, as I said, when I played the lead Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I hate when rubbish are in bits. She's like, oh, I'm the lead of the plays. I'm the lead of the plays.
Uh, so, uh, meanwhile, so Kizzy is, is that they're looking at all this stuff and Kizzy notices that as Kathy bends over that there is the seam is popping on Kathy's butt. There's like a hole. It's big enough that you can really see it on camera from far away. Like, it's definitely there. It's undeniable. And Kizzy kind of like looks at the camera and is like, oh, my God.
And she says, I probably should say something. but she says nothing. In fact, she just lets, she lets Kathy just go about her business. And I was like, it just was, to me, it was so obnoxious. It's this girl's first day here. She's about to be like guests facing, bringing stuff out. I just was like, Oh my God, you are, you are a mean person.
I don't care if she's not as villainous as others like you, like that's, that's just like shitty character right there. And he did it on TV and, and we all saw it.
Yeah, shame on you. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So they're running plates and Josh is behind her. And he's like, oh, you've got a rip in your ass. And I was like, well, who doesn't? What kind of thing is that to say? It's how asses are made. But it's the hole. It's a hole. So she's like, oh, my God.
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