Chapter 1: What happens at the literature party in Southern Charm?
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Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi. How are you? Happy birthday, my little Ben Tamuni. Well, thank you so much. Ben has just turned 32 today. Happy birthday, Ben.
It's official. I'm in my 30s. Thanks, Ronnie. Thank you so much.
What are you doing today special for your day?
Well, first of all, I'm basking in all the love that people are giving me on all platforms and mediums. I appreciate it. All the loves and all the love and the loves. I already did my first big check mark, which is, of course, today is Bagel Thursday. So I took myself to my favorite bagel shop in Los Angeles, which was Hank's over in Toluca Lake. I went into the valley for my bagel this morning.
We've got some things going for us over there.
We've got Hanks. Hanks and Bagel Boss. They are neck and neck. And Home Goods. There's a lot of great stuff in the Valley, including you, Ronnie, although you're in Texas.
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Chapter 2: How does Craig react to people not knowing his Lost Boy hero?
You're in a different Valley right now. I did that. I'm going to podcast with you for a few hours. I'm in the Valley of the Damned. And then tonight I'm going to go see Alison Roman doing her book tour for her new cookbook. So it's kind of like a very Ben day. It's also national cookie day. I did not know that this fell on my birthday.
How did I get to all 32 years of my life without knowing that today was national cookie day? So I'm very excited about that. I will find, I will source a cookie later today. So, yeah, clearly a very exciting day. Actually, I would say it's kind of like a perfect Ben day. I'm not going to lie. Like, between bagels and Alison Roman and you, you know, it's great.
The only thing that's missing is Dom. Dom's in Chicago teaching. So, you know, that's it.
Oh, boo. Well, cheat. Today is the day you cheat. It's your birthday. You can't get in trouble. Today is the day you bang someone at the Alison Roman show.
I know. And I, you know, I had a great time last night. I went to the Spotify wrapped party here in Hollywood with Courtney from two judge girls. We love and Diallo from, from one song. So go check out their podcast there. I did have a Bravo Liberty encounter, but I'm going to talk about that on our Beverly Hills recap.
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Chapter 3: What are Austen's plans with his new cats?
I'm not going to talk about it. Oh, God, I got to wait all the way till then to hear that. It's a teaser, everyone. I've actually already actively overhyped it, but it wouldn't be a birthday for me without overhyping something, right? Yeah. Anyway, the point is it's been a fun 12 hours.
Well, good, baby. Glad you're having fun. Glad you were born. Thanks, Carolyn. Yeah. Popping them out. Carolyn and Larry. Takes two, you know. Yeah. Well, she did the work. She did the work. Not really. She really did the work. She did the work. No, yeah. Thank you too, Larry, for whatever you did. So everyone, welcome to the show.
Wait, I want to thank you, Ronnie, because you put up a very funny and lovely thing on social media where you put me in an Ina Garten outfit. And I'm... Well, you know that some Caitlin did that. Well, either way, the spirit of you. I just laughed. Oh, I thought you totally did that.
But that was like that was the greatest honor of all was to be seen in the Queen Ina Gardens, you know, Bob and blue shirts.
Chapter 4: How does Sally's romantic interest in Craig and Austin complicate things?
A little barefoot Ben Tessa. Yes. So the best thing you can do for Ben for his birthday, go follow him on Instagram, everybody. You know it. And get some sub stack going on. Go to the Lincoln bio and get to his sub stack. That's the best gift a girl could ask for. So last week was Thanksgiving. So we missed Southern Charm. Yes. We missed. And so much happened.
Did you watch it? Of course. Of course I watched it. I'm actually so glad that we skipped it because if we had to recap that chaotic beach scene, that would have driven us both crazy because there was all the characters were on the beach throwing around a football. Everything was crossing back and forth. It was so much. We would have been a nightmare.
So I'm really actually so glad we did not have to do that. But I think for me, the biggest thing was that we met the new cast member, Charlie. who is our latest twit on the Twit Express. And, you know, talk about a birthday gift is to have a new vapid idiot on Bravo. I'm so excited. I'm ready for it.
How dare you? She's a debutante. You're right. How dare you? She was so bratty last week.
Chapter 5: What are the dynamics between the new cast member Charlie and the others?
Do you think she was really bratty? Why do you think she was bratty? What'd she do? Well, okay, I'm coming in really hot for her. I actually am not even that impassioned about her. It's like, wow, what'd Charlie do? I don't know. I mean, I'd look at Charlie kind of as like a coaster.
She's just somewhere you set your drink for a couple of seasons, like most of the people that they bring on this show. Most of the...
ladies that they bring on this show because the ladies are just the bait you know the show is about the the old singing bass on the wall which are the men and the lady are just the ladies are just the bait they use them up they abuse them and then they leave them and then we get a new crop of dummies although it is starting to look like a leonardo dicaprio you know story in the tabloids.
I mean, they're just getting younger and younger and those boys are not. Austin said last night, yeah, I'm 34. I was like, 34? He's 39, I thought. Or whatever. I think he said he was 34 or 36, something like that. And I was like, in what world do they just not sell moisturizer over there? Okay, so go ahead. No, I actually don't hate her as much as it sounds like I do.
I really just came in hot because I'm just, you know, I'm fueled on a bagel and a coffee, guys. Bagel meets coffee. I just feel like last week. We're just friends. She just, like, had all these... The camera kept on catching her. She'd be, like, around the boys. She'd be, like, smiling. And then, like, around the girls, they just... The camera would catch her just, like, sneering.
Like... I was like, oh, gosh.
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Chapter 6: What controversies arise regarding Vanita's role in the group?
This one, you know? I think it's just that she has a praying mantis face, kind of. In a good way. Like, in a pretty way. She's very pretty, but she's got... There's something like praying mantis about her. And I'm hoping that it goes into her personality. Like I'm hoping she's more of a predator than we're seeing so far. I did notice around us, the audience, she talks like this.
She's got kind of like a, hi, I'm Charlie. I'm like a debutante. And I'm like, I'm really into being Charlie. I love being me. And then when she's around the board, it's like, oh, my God.
Hi. Like, so good to meet you.
Yeah. I noticed that. But otherwise, I mean, she's very gorgeous. Yeah. She's a gorgeous girl. I don't really know much about her. I'm automatically not disliking her. I'm just protective of her because. She's on Southern Charm. So I just want to show up there in my anti-van and just have it idling down the corner so that they could jump in. I mean, Shep's neck looks like turkey skin.
And I did just see a turkey get cooked last week. So I think that's why I'm thinking. But I just want them to be protected, you know, because these men are the worst, including Craig.
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Chapter 7: How does Craig's relationship with his exes influence his current dating life?
You've got Craig off the wagon now. So I don't know that Craig was ever on the wagon, let's be honest. Yeah. At least he was pretending to need to be on a wagon. I guess whatever his storyline was last year when he's like, I'm an alcoholic. While he was drunk.
You can't talk to me like that. I'm an alcoholic.
And then I think drank the whole season.
Anyway. He definitely grabbed onto two ropes hanging off the back of the wagon and put some rollerblades on to let the wagon tow him for a little bit. So he's like, I'm on the wagon, dude. But it's like, I don't know. You're moving along with the wagon and you're attached to it. But I don't know if you're actually on it.
And listen, I'm not a huge wagon seller. I believe that people should be able to be off the wagon if they want to. I don't feel like there's any real guilt there. I mean, if you're ruining your life and stuff, you have your own self guilt and you don't need mine. But I'm not like a huge, like get on the wagon, everybody come. I've got a wagon sale going on. I'm not like that.
But I do have a pet peeve with people who... performatively talk about wagons. Or use it to get out of a fight. Or to win a fight. Yes, which is what he was doing. Using it to gain some sympathy and stuff like that when you're not even putting in the work. Because it's hard work. So...
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Chapter 8: What emotional moments does Patricia experience regarding her dog Chauncey?
I would only support using being on the wagon to get out of a fight if you do it in a very melodramatic, campy way. Like, how dare you say that? I'm on the wagon. You know, but if you're doing it the way Craig was doing it, it's not campy. It's just like, oh, you're just lying again. Also, how drunk was that person who fell off the wagon the first time?
Because, you know, like it had to have come from, I'm assuming the expression came from some situation where people were on a wagon together and then someone was so drunk that they fell off of it. And like, oh, look, drunk again, fell off the wagon.
There goes Marge falling off the wagon on the Oregon Trail, it happened.
Yeah, something significant happened. But I have to say, what we missed last week is that we're setting up some sort of, it's not a love triangle, it's not a love rhombus, it's just sort of like a love amoeba, where essentially the whole thing is that Sally now likes Craig, right? But then she also likes Austin. And the thing is, Austin is with Aubrey. And so she sort of wants all the guys.
But she really likes Craig, even though it's a violation of girl code with Vanita. And so then she went and told new girl, Charlie. But now Charlie seems like she likes Craig. And Craig seems like Charlie. And Sally's left out. So there's this whole thing. And it all came to a head when... when Craig wanted to spend more time frolicking in the waves with Charlie.
And then there was a football incident where it turns out that Sally is really good at throwing a football, better than I can, I'll tell you that much. And, but Aubrey- You know why, right?
Why? Because she's not just one of the girls. She's like one of the guys.
But Aubrey can't throw a football very well, which is kind of like damning evidence in the world of Southern Charm that Austin and Sally should be together and that he secretly loves Sally because she's better at throwing a football.
Yeah, it was pretty mature, the whole storyline. Basing your conquests on how well they throw a football. But Austin, we found out, can't surf or anything either. So he kind of sucks at all that stuff too. So does he kind of belong with Charlie? Going by this logic.
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