Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. We start with Wittner, actually, in the next scene. The alarm goes off and the house is a mess.
There's flies everywhere. No one cleaned up anything. And it's 4.35 a.m. But the clock, some eagle-eyed screenshot taker posted, someone posted a picture of the alarm clock saying like 6.38 or something. Well, it was pretty bright out for 430 in the morning. Even if it is the summer, it was very bright. So I was like, excuse me, producers, you cannot fool me.
This is not 430 in the morning lighting. So he was just like, I'm not getting I'm not getting there at 430. OK, yeah, I'll get there at six. OK, we can just say it's 430 and you can pretend to run because there's no they don't pay me enough for this shit. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I was like, damn, they got that crew there early.
So he wakes up and he says he wakes up at 435 sharp every day because he's a creature of habit and routine is important to me. Well, now I know why she left. She's so sick and tired of that fucking alarm going off at 435 in the morning. She's like, you know what? I need a guy who's gonna sleep until 7 a.m. Bye.
that is a damn good reason to leave because you know it's he gets up at 4 35 that he left the dog out the dog is barking in the yard there's so much noise this person his ex-girlfriend never had sleep it all makes sense
So his dog is named Bacchus and I looked it up and it says he's the Roman God of wine, agriculture, fertility, ecstasy, revelry, and the Roman equivalent of the Greek God Dionysus. He symbolizes liberation, the wild and the transformative power of wine celebrated. And there's just a lot of pressure to put on a dog. Yeah. Especially a dog that wakes up so early.
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Chapter 2: What rumors does Craig bring to light about Shep?
I feel like if that dog's doing all that stuff, like let it sleep in. So we see him do his stuff. He goes, takes the dog out. He goes running. He meditates, which is lying on the couch for a while, which I'm into that. I do that every morning, too. I didn't know I was so positive. I wake up.
Chapter 3: How does Austen adapt to being a cat dad?
I take the dog. I don't run. But I wake up. I take the dog out. And then I lie on the couch for an hour.
so yeah and then at seven so he meditates and then this is by the way this is exactly this is like the this is like the doughy version of that viral thing that went around earlier this year you know that guy ashton hall he's like that he's like the muscle man guy who like his whole thing was wake up at 3 30 in the morning and i dunk my face into a bowl of sarasota water and then like
I go and I like brush my teeth and then I dunk my face again. And then I swim three laps and then I like do a workout routine. And then I dunk my face again. It was this thing. It had like millions and millions of views and everyone was parodying it.
And, but he's like this, like totally like his, he's selling this aspirational lifestyle where if you're like this, you can be like me, like muscular and, and you know, beautiful. But this is like the winter version where it's like, yeah, I wake up at four 30 in the morning and I run, I run around and then I meditate about 7. I am. I'm going off to work, but it's like the,
it's more like the common man's version of the Ashton Hall aspirational, like wake up in the morning thing. Also the Ashton Hall thing is totally contrived and no one ever believes he actually does that. But it was fun seeing the Southern charm version. I'll get up. I go to work. Inspiration. Ashton Hall, which is looking him up. Yeah.
Which by the way, this is already significantly more effort than any of the other guys on this show ever do, which is waking up, walking a dog, running and actually going to a job.
Yeah.
The pictures that come up when you look him up is a bicep as he's lifting a weight and then him staring into the him staring into the mirror, brushing his teeth with a black piece of tape over his nose. Yeah, that's his. And yeah, he like sleeps with this thing over. It's like the guy. He's actually a ridiculous influencer. He's so stupid.
like his stuff is so stupid it's like because it's it's all fake right like he's like this is what i do every morning is that i can wake up and i swim laps at 3 45 in the morning in my pool that's suspended over los angeles like he rented a spot he has like a butler show up i mean it's it's so over the top and so stupid um but i just love that that we have like the whitner version of it
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Chapter 4: What is Whitney's morning routine like?
Icon, yes, queen.
phone call every day i'm not asking much i hate talking on the phone also let's be honest my mom doesn't even ask me what i'm doing she says what aren't you doing god just think about that think about that no but i'm not taking that shit every day no way here's what here's what cracks me up so whitner described his mom last week he said that his mom was like an anarchist she's like fuck the system man and we see like a picture of her like giving like a like a middle finger or being like fuck
this it's like wow she's she's such a rebel right wow his mom's rebel so he uh facetimes his mom who is like in france at some estate being like well i'm just here in our french french estate isn't that wow look at that look at that anarchist and then he shows us another home their big family farm home and all their compound my mom's a real fuck you uh Fuck the system. Fuck the system.
I like that he's unbalanced. Yeah.
Chapter 5: Why does Whitney's early wake-up time raise eyebrows?
Go on. Go on. Fuck this unfair, unbalanced system. I will talk about this from my third home. So I have my baby boy. Oh, what's up? Are you calling me? He's like, oh, just going to catch up. Mama has France doing. Oh, it's awesome. You know what? I love the whole idea of Providence of Providence. I just love that idea. What a good idea they had. It's really, really cool.
Hey, yay, can you see the house in this FaceTime? Can you see the house? He's like, uh-huh. Oh my God, is that an olive tree in the middle?
Classic, classic anarchist tree, olives.
Well, I'm a mama's boy through and through. I'm a favorite to the extent that me and my oldest sister, my sister-in-law will walk in the house and she'll squeal and give me a hug. And it's like my sister-in-law's, wait, his oldest sister is named Law? I thought he was talking about his oldest sister-in-law. But I think you're saying my oldest sister-in-law. Maybe her name's Laura or something.
Maybe like Lauren. Yeah, her name's probably like Lauren and they call her like Law. Well, that would be really fucking annoying to be named Law and then have your brother become the lawyer. I would be so... And your mom being anarchist. How awkward. Yeah. Mom's like, I fucking hate laws. No offense, sweetie.
um so whitner is saying that uh he's sad that he's not in france and she's like well you know what you can come back anytime but you know what let's do something when we get home which home is that i don't know when you're an anarchist it's hard to keep track of the number of houses you have am i right Well, I grew up on a small farm called Itchy Grass Farm. Itchy Grass.
I want to run this family off the road. I want to get a big truck and just run their minivan off the road. It's 500 acres, and it has the big house, and that was my childhood home. And then there's a couple cabins back there, three cottages, a barn, and a garden pool. It's a compound. It's basically a compound.
Yeah.
I love going to itchy grass farm, but sometimes I like to switch it up by visiting our other compound known as rashy leaves, rashy leaves meadows. God, I love that place too. My family got this compound back in the day when it was called itchy ass farm. And there's a reason for that, but geez, add a G on there. And we got ourself a compound. God, I love this family.
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Chapter 6: What revelations come from Whitney's conversation with his mom?
I felt like she came in there. It was like, fuck these guys, whatever. I'm like a young sexual woman. I was going to be engaged to this guy. I'm not. And I'm happy because I'm just going to live my life. I'm going to live my truth and I'm going to have fun and do what I want. Blah, blah, blah. And this season, there's like a desperation about her. That's like a little sad. I think.
it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial oh so then we go to madison's house and um she's grumbling with hudson which i think it's so cute that hudson has her exact same voice she's like you want to grill he's like yeah all right let's take everything out there okay mama i took everything out there good good good job hudson i love you mama i love you hudson
And they like cut up some steaks and then they serve some. Madison has a dog named Karen, which is so funny to me. You know, little known fact, you know, with my Roomba that's named Dolores, before Dolores was Dolores, she originally was named Karen. Because this was like, this predated the rise of like the Karen movement. Like Karen started in 2020, but like we got our Roombas before 2020.
And so my Roomba was called Karen. And then I decided I needed to give it a Bravo name. So I renamed it Dolores, but it was originally Karen. So the fact that Madison has a dog named Karen, I just think it's really funny because it reminds me of the OG version of my Roomba. Yeah. Oh, Karen. I wonder how many Karen's have named, changed their name to, you know, I know I felt that way.
None of they did. Yeah, I know. But I also think it's like really funny to name a dog or like a Roomba Karen. Like if you take out all the modern concept of like what Karen is like, just the idea of like a little Roomba named Karen is like very funny to me or dog.
So they talk about how Brett's always working, but he's such a good daddy, and they're so happy, and they got a house, and he's going to love the pool house. It's so great. We're doing great. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. So in other words, it's boring. So then we go over to Craig's house, and Craig is taking flowers from the kitchen table and moving them.
He's like, I've got a place for you.
And then he just stands there and looks around the room, and he's like, in the kitchen. He puts them back where they were. He realizes that he no longer has Paige to tell him where to put the flowers, so he just puts it back on the fake waterfall counter. So there's a knock, Charlie's there and she's brought paintings over guys. She's brought 10 different pieces.
I don't think Craig ever sent the measurements because they're all different sizes. There's some tiny, there's some huge. And so he brings some in and they compliment each other's clothes. And he's like, I like your shorts.
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