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Watch What Crappens

#3135 My Secret Santa Part Two With Reality Gays

26 Dec 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the premise of 'My Secret Santa' and how does it compare to 'Mrs. Doubtfire'?

7.439 - 20.277 Unknown

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

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26.826 - 36.72 Ben Mandelker

Hello, everybody. Welcome to part two of the Reality Gaze Watch What Crappens crossover. It's part two of a glorious movie. We hope you love it.

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37.122 - 60.518 Mattie Marr

The eviction notice, I'm surprised there wasn't that there. So anyway, while the landlady is, Dora Lee is being like, where's the money? All of a sudden we hear a blood curdling scream. Just like... Like, it is, there's an intruder somewhere, a knife, there was a knife accident, something terrible. And Zoe is, not Zoe, but Taylor is like, she runs down the hall.

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61.038 - 67.168 Mattie Marr

And, you know, of course, Daryl knows it's all bullshit. She's like, okay, you know what, by the way, this daughter in distress thing, yeah, it's getting kind of old.

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67.188 - 85.064 Ben Mandelker

Get it. You can't pull this shit on me. Yeah, and this tells us what does this tell us. Like if we're reading the text of this, what does it tell us? That these two are fucking drama queens. And that this girl is always screaming in the apartment. And she's still had a free four months. And this lady is like, listen, I'm just going to tell you the nicest way I can as far as your excuses.

85.445 - 88.872 Ben Mandelker

I don't care. Like she sings it.

88.892 - 93.002 Poodle

That's a great line. That was the best. Yeah. Yeah. So I like that.

93.022 - 104.389 Unknown

She actually, she sold, dialogue might be a little wonky. Someone else, someone else as esteemed as this actress would not have been able to sell a line like that. But she did it.

104.369 - 111.237 Mattie Marr

Yeah. I guarantee they did not say that she should sing that line. No. And she made that choice. She made that choice.

Chapter 2: What are the main conflicts introduced in the movie?

111.257 - 120.208 Mattie Marr

And it was so good. When she sang that, I was like, not only is this lady so good so quickly, but she also should be on Broadway.

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120.228 - 127.196 Unknown

She went in the key of, I don't care. And everyone on set went, oh.

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127.757 - 131.001 Mattie Marr

Oh. We had no idea. Diana Maria Riva.

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131.892 - 134.114 Ronnie Karam

Look at that. Someone's a groundling.

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136.396 - 144.944 Unknown

The daughter shrieks and she runs in and she says, are you okay, Zoe? She's like, I got in. I got into Sun Peak Snowboard Academy.

145.805 - 149.488 Ben Mandelker

Oh, wow. Can't wait until you learn to do brain surgery over there.

150.629 - 161.899 Unknown

By the way, I looked up if there are any snowboarding schools. Turns out most people just take a couple of lessons.

161.879 - 185.946 Unknown

this is where the whole premise falls apart for me of the entire movie well snowboarding academy this is where they're like we got to bring in the young people to watch this so let's have a snowboarding academy it can only be for like four weeks right because it's at this resort because the resort can't be open for that long but it's so expensive well canada it could be open for fucking six months um but but it's set it we're not we don't know where we are

185.926 - 187.009 Ronnie Karam

We don't know where we are.

Chapter 3: How does the film depict the relationship between the mother and daughter?

401.364 - 416.663 Unknown

Like, can she not understand Arabic numerals and how they work? Because she can't even say the cost to her brother and his partner. He's like, here, read this. I don't really know either. I can't understand how much it costs.

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416.683 - 426.561 Mattie Marr

Look, this movie might be a classic and if they're still showing it in 25 years, we don't want to be embarrassed by this value being depreciated.

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426.601 - 431.19 Unknown

How much did they go out of their way not to say how much it cost?

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431.17 - 441.984 Ben Mandelker

Yeah, but they said a lot of zeros. So if there's a lot of zeros, that's at least 10 grand, right? So how much did you make being Santa for two weeks? Like, is that a well-being gig? Well, she got 50% off. Well, remember, you got half off.

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442.745 - 447.291 Ronnie Karam

So it was probably like a lot of zeros. She ends up being a billionaire, so I think it got taken care of.

448.693 - 455.943 Mattie Marr

I'm going to say for this academy, it was $80,000. I'm going to say it's $80,000 a year. Oh, wow.

456.283 - 460.148 Unknown

But she says, I can swing $40,000.

461.242 - 468.27 Ben Mandelker

Listen, I've been saving up cookie. I haven't even paid rent for four months, but I can pay half of it. What? No, you can't.

469.311 - 478.182 Ronnie Karam

I will say, Santas make a lot of money. Because I remember when I worked at the Quail Springs Mall at the Clinique counter in Oklahoma City.

Chapter 4: What are the main critiques of the snowboarding academy concept in the movie?

521.469 - 545.508 Ronnie Karam

It was exclusive. Do y'all sometimes doubt? No, this wasn't. Malls, at least. I don't know how they are now. I'm telling you something. The Santa at the Grove, I bet you, is not at any other mall. Caruso, lock that down. I'm telling you, he works one month a year. One month a year, and that's enough for him to ride his back around the country and see his bike friends.

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546.148 - 546.529 Ben Mandelker

Wow.

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546.549 - 547.75 Ronnie Karam

I guess I need to be a Santa.

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548.491 - 552.656 Ben Mandelker

No, I need to lean into my stereotype a little harder here. I need to be something.

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552.676 - 576.457 Mattie Marr

Well, I crunched some numbers just now, and I was like, okay. The way that they're talking about this No Board Academy, I was like, let me find what tuition costs for a comparable experience. So I looked up what the tuition is for Phillips Exeter Academy, And for a... Yeah. It's about $70,000. It's just under $70,000 a year for boarding students. And it's about $55,000 for day students.

576.757 - 586.471 Mattie Marr

So we're going to say she would be considered a day student because we see she goes back to her apartment. So we're going to say it's about a $55,000 tuition to go to Snowboarding Academy. So that is quite high.

588.274 - 602.391 Ronnie Karam

But it's only $25,000 because she works for them. I could not... By the way... We never really said she never ended up claiming Zoe as her daughter as Santa.

602.411 - 603.312 Ben Mandelker

How does that work?

603.813 - 605.355 Ronnie Karam

How does that work? We never saw that.

Chapter 5: How do the characters discuss the financial implications of snowboarding school?

914.352 - 931.408 Mattie Marr

maybe downsize because she's good. Look. So the whole thing is that she, this is someone who she doesn't have a job. She doesn't have any money. And we go into her very spacious apartment and it is like gorgeous in there. It's like going into a showroom for room and board. And I'm like, uh, no, it is not.

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931.428 - 948.987 Ben Mandelker

And saying that this lady can downsize is crazy. You guys called this a flop house. I call it a flop house. The outside, the outside looked like a flop house to me. I thought it looked fine on the inside. I didn't think it was crazy nice. But it's not the kind of apartment you can be like, I'm going to downsize.

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Chapter 6: What are the comedic elements highlighted in the movie's script?

949.447 - 961.885 Unknown

What are you going to do? You're going to be living in a tent. This should have been a montage of her doing things like selling off, having a yard sale, doing things that made the stakes higher.

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962.545 - 970.937 Ronnie Karam

Judging off the other montage that we see later, the director doesn't actually know what a montage is. That's another story.

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970.917 - 985.247 Mattie Marr

I think like what didn't match for me was here. She shows up and she's in her like old blue van. Cause like, that's all she can have. But then her apartment is like very lovely. It's like, it's, it's like, this is not a blue van driving apartment.

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985.615 - 994.385 Unknown

It's like middle of the road. Totally. It's not like the gay's apartment. I think the gay's apartment, like they've got money. That's like dink money.

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995.006 - 998.61 Mattie Marr

That's dual income, no kids. That's no kids money right there.

998.931 - 1004.097 Ben Mandelker

That's what dink is. I was like, why are we talking about dinkins again? Living that dink life. How often does he need to come up?

1004.457 - 1006.92 Ronnie Karam

It makes me feel sad because I guess I'm sink.

1008.102 - 1021.128 Mattie Marr

Wait, what's dink? In so many ways. Single income, no kids. Single income, no kids. Sink. That's not a thing. I'm going to dink it. Yeah. I'm, I'm a dink and I love it.

1021.468 - 1021.849 Unknown

Dink.

Chapter 7: How does the podcast analyze the character dynamics and their development?

1792.881 - 1794.503 Mattie Marr

You are spilling hot cocoa.

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1794.523 - 1800.392 Unknown

I'm spilling hot cocoa, the HC. We can talk about hot cocoa.

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1801.253 - 1804.898 Mattie Marr

So he chases her outside and he's like, well, I haven't been in this town for years.

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1805.218 - 1820.415 Ronnie Karam

Should I go after her? Don't fuck up this line. How many times do you think this guy said, I think so wrong? Because he was high. He went, yeah, go. And they're like, cut. The line is, I think so. Go follow her. I think it was a lot.

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1820.435 - 1829.309 Ben Mandelker

Yeah, so he had to run out after her. And he's like, whoa, whoa, screaming kittens, screaming kittens. Let's get the band back together. She's like, yeah, I'm a mom, so my dreams are dead.

1829.81 - 1836.32 Mattie Marr

So you want to get some hot chocolate? This guy's not asking for hot chocolate. He's being like, where can I get some whiskey and some Coke?

1836.921 - 1850.001 Unknown

Can I say, we have to stop this bullshit of hot chocolate for everything. It makes everything feel so chaste. I agree. And it's just, it's ridiculous. They're going to fuck later.

1850.622 - 1860.799 Mattie Marr

I love hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate. But at the very least, he's saying, what about some Irish chocolate? Hot butter rum. Hot butter, like whiskey eggnog spiked.

1860.919 - 1876.706 Ben Mandelker

Or like some heroin. I mean, the whole hot chocolate thing, like in 2025, at least half of the population is lactose intolerant. Yeah. I mean, you're basically asking somebody to a farty party. You know, like, why are you asking, why are you inviting farts before we've even dated?

Chapter 8: What conclusions do the hosts draw about the film's overall message?

2393.141 - 2403.435 Unknown

I did not make Seinfeld references like I do on the pod. Okay. Yes, I talk about Seinfeld a lot because there were episodes that come back.

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2403.576 - 2408.282 Ronnie Karam

The problem that you keep saying, everyone knows about Seinfeld. And I'm like, no, they don't.

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2408.262 - 2423.262 Ben Mandelker

Yeah, no, they don't. And we do that too a lot. You know, on our show, we reference big business. I think every other episode or like soap dish or, you know, things that are just, they were our teenage years, but obviously people who are newer, who are newer to the world and our show, we're going to know what the fuck we're doing.

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2423.382 - 2431.032 Ben Mandelker

We have reviews that are like, what the fuck are these two Queens talking about? What are they even? So I don't know. I don't know that I could even date younger.

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2433.856 - 2435.738 Unknown

Here comes one right now.

2440.156 - 2441.798 Ben Mandelker

What are we talking about here?

2441.938 - 2464.206 Unknown

These gays, this is the gay couple. This is, so they're living, she says, I've got two interviews, but I need money because Zoe has this, this snowboarding school. And he's like, what are older brothers for? I can lend you some cash. She's like, let me, hold on. Let me show you on this phone, the money amount. Cause I can't, you know me, I can't read numerals. So here you go. It's this much.

2464.912 - 2480.137 Mattie Marr

And instead of him saying, listen, as your older brother, look, I know about wasting money. Look at this entire apartment. I know. But I'm also a dink, okay? And I have to say, like, now it's time to tell your daughter she can't have everything in life. It's time to draw a line.

2480.157 - 2489.011 Ben Mandelker

The other guys suggest that. I thought you were going to say something totally different. Like, I waste money on stupid shit. I'm going to help you. But you're like, nope, tell your daughter she's fucked. You're like, we bought tickets. There are limits.

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