Chapter 1: What happens during the Valley's drag night?
Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens!
I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there. Hello, Benoons.
Hi, how's it going?
Good, everything's going well over here. Thank you. Okay, today is the Valley Day, the happiest show on television.
really want to get married and have a baby after watching this so get your tubes tied this is a public service announcement after watching this show good lord um but before uh we get into that uh our cabaret forbidden housewives is still being written and memorized and uh prayed over Deeply. It's going to be June 3rd and June 5th in New York City. It's sold out, but there will be live streams.
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You'll still get updates on everything we're doing. And hello. That's it. That's all I have to say today. This is super exciting for us. Because it is a weekend of holidays. And Monday is that holiday. We're not going to be here. Guess why? Because we're taking a holiday. So we're not going to be here Monday. The recaps for Real Housewives of Atlanta. And...
of Rhode Island will be updated with the following week's recaps. Okay. So we hope you all have a safe, wonderful holiday weekend. Cause we will.
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Chapter 2: How does Danny's behavior affect his marriage?
I think he's, uh, just unwatchable and I don't enjoy watching it and I don't enjoy people enabling it, you know? Um, Kristen, et cetera. I really don't like watching it. I just don't find it entertaining. I didn't find it entertaining with Jax. I don't find it entertaining with Danny, you know, the petty fights and stuff I'm into, but this is just too dark for me.
I mean, if I'm going to see an abusive man, it better be on lifetime where they get their ass stomped. You know what I mean? I want to see Rob Lowe murdered, get up, you know, like he, you thought he was dead, but he's not dead. And then he gets murdered again. I need like a triple murder of an abusive male. If I'm going to be watching these shows. So this is just, this is too much for me.
Isn't that our role though? Aren't we, what's that? Aren't we the one who are, we're the Meriden Baxter Bernice. Yeah.
isn't it us with the fire poker like doing the stab i mean i think uh i i actually by the way i joking aside i think what you said what you're saying is a completely um uh i don't want to say a completely valid because that sounds when people say that's so valid it actually sounds so insincere but i think it's like a very legitimate so bravo therapy speak that's valid hey by the way i learned something today lindsay i learned something
Hey, Ronnie, can we do a check-in? By the way, speaking of therapy speak, Nia, wow. Can we just do a check-in? I think it's a totally legitimate thing to say. I would never, ever say that watching these pig men is like, oh, I'm never going to cheer for them, never going to root that on. And I understand what you're saying.
You don't even want to really, you don't even enjoy participating in the structures that are keeping them employed. For me, it's more like I actually find it compelling to watch because these are relationships that people find themselves in quite often. And I find it fascinating to watch it and to dissect it.
And then we rewrite the wrongs of the universe because then we all pile in and be like, fuck you, you know? But for real, I find it to be compelling to watch these very human interactions because ultimately... I will never stand for abuse. I will never stand for the mistreatment of people. But what I do, I think what I stand for on reality TV is I stand for watching real issues and real dynamics.
And that's always compelling to me as opposed to when something not real is happening. So it's not like, well, it's worth it because it's real. It's more like that it's on TV. I'm like, I'm compelled by the dynamic and how everyone deals with it and weighing in on it. And I really enjoy the discussions that we all have around it. I think it's really fascinating.
So it's just sort of a different side of the coin, but it's not to negate anything that you're saying.
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Chapter 3: What apology does Janet offer to Nia?
But I'm going to take my own advice and lighten up because it's a recap day. So let's get to her.
Yeah. Find the joy in these situations. Yeah. You can just unleash. Unleash and go nuts.
Not about the fetal position or anything, but if we're going to give an opening, you know how I feel about this show. That's how I feel. It sucks! But we'll have fun doing what we do, that's for sure. It's The Valley, Season 3, Episode 8, Misbehavior.
Yeah. Well, in case you somehow forgot, we were in the prep stages of this episode. beauty pageant where the men are going to be in drag. And Danny is being a total asshole, a huge idiotic, annoying asshole, while also wearing a wig that makes him look like Jan Brady, which is funny.
He wishes he looked like Jan Brady. Jan Brady was cute.
Well, it was Jan Brady styled hair, I should say. It looks like the talking orange. And a wig. You know, he looks like there's like a certain cartoon character. This is a great reference by me. There's a certain cartoon character that I can't remember his name of. That's what he looks like. So everyone just think about it.
He has a pinched butt face. I think he looks like a pinched dimpled butt.
He's like a rejected smurf. So here's the thing. So they are, he is being a huge dick, a huge dick. It's like, it's one of those things where at first you thought, oh, he's being jokey, competitive, he's in character, but it's teetered out of that into he's just being a dick and he's drunk. And everyone's uncomfortable. And he and Lala basically just told him, like, knock it off.
And then he said and she said, you know, this is triggering or something. And I was like, oh, Miss Trigger and Miss Trigger and Miss Trigger and Miss Trigger. So he's making fun of her for saying that she's triggered by him. And Lala really does not like that.
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Chapter 4: How does Kristen react to the alliance's struggles?
And then he comes out this week. First of all, he didn't show up for Watch What Happens Live, which is pretty funny because he was supposed to be on. He says, oh, I have this big, huge movie that I'm in. Okay, Danny. So he didn't come to that because he doesn't want to take the public outcry.
uh because we all hate his ass now and so he's not going to show up so he's a wuss and then he puts out this instagram apology to nia did you see that yeah i did or there's page long chat gpt written or nia gpt i should say yeah to my dreamy streeties you know like give me a break danny no one's buying it and it's a little fucking late
Yeah, it was all the things like, I was tired, I was trashed, and I was alcohol, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was just so typical. And of course, he puts it up right after the episode, immediately doing damage control. But I love when Danny said, you don't know what happened beforehand. And Lala goes, what could she possibly have done to make you pissed off about a fucking synthetic wig?
Exactly. There is just nothing that happened before that could have justified this sort of reaction.
He's like, there's nothing about the wig.
There's nothing about what had been done. Well, I didn't like the way you were talking to her, so I said something. And he's like, can you hear Lala? Can you just let her express her feelings? Could you just pretend she's not...
you know pretend doing a tupac impersonation just listen and danny's like you don't have the right you don't have the right to do that she's like clearly i do because i did it
She does have the right. So Lala says the vibes I get from Danny's and Nia's feels suffocating to me. Okay. I think there's like a lot that she's pushed under the rug and I feel so badly for her because she moved all the way up to Santa Clarita and still doesn't have enough room for her rug. It's terrible. So Lala.
Yeah. Santa Clarita is a big rug to be pushing things under. It's a very, very, very big, uncomfortable rug. Yeah, you know, when people get married, when people do this shit in public and then someone else says something like, this is none of your business. You mind your own fucking business. You made it my business when you did this in front of me. You know, there was a lady in a Ross.
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Chapter 5: What issues arise from Danny's drunken antics?
I'll tell you that much.
um so by the way villagers are so tired so tired of doing all this stuff for other people i'm leaving the village seriously takes a valley um so lala's like i don't like what just went down and i don't i didn't i didn't like how you tried to mock me that wasn't okay and he's like no and that's okay well i mean that's not okay it's fine can i do a check-in with something boss can i do a check-in with you
And Lala's like, I'm just trying to convey to you that I don't like it. And don't fucking talk to me that way. You've got the wrong one. You've got the wrong one. And Lala always does that. You've got the wrong one. I'm always like, okay, Lala. But her doing it to Danny was very satisfying to me.
That's the thing, you know, you get your, even the enemy of your enemy kind of thing is your friend. I think Lala-
I think Lala had a good episode. Honestly, I have to say, for all the anti-Lala on the Valley, no one wants her, I think she's been doing perfectly fine. I have actually no issues with Lala on this show so far. I think she's spoken up about the things that she should speak up about. She's advocated for things. She's gotten into the mix. Tom Schwartz, on the other hand, wastes space.
I don't know what this Rick and Morty character is doing here. So I think he should go. But Lala, I think, honestly, I think she's earned her keep.
Rick and Morty character.
um lala you know look lala i think the problem with lala is just like why you know it's like we're the show is doing fine on its own without these non-value ads i think and if you're going to go in the in the in the direction of like adding things to the show add another fucked up couple you know like do we really i think the question i think the basic question was was anybody asking for more lala no but we got we got more lala and you know in situations like this i i
You know, she's I definitely think this was a good one for her, for sure. So I'll agree there. But that's, you know, that's also why it's uncomfortable, because, you know, you're watching this show and it's like making you kind of root for Janet in a way. In a roundabout way.
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Chapter 6: How do the characters respond to Danny's actions?
And so I'm just preparing you.
Okay. So do you want me to just stay quiet the whole time? Are you asking for silence? Go ahead. Go ahead.
I'll make a little, I think, I think if you get it, I think if you get annoyed, I think chime in, but we just have to remember, I have to get back to the, my full timeline, because if I only give like a half of the store, half of what I have to say, then I'll sound like a total asshole.
Okay. I'm just going to listen and take notes.
Okay. So it starts with, in Santa Barbara, they go on a group trip. Danny arrives to the group trip late, remember? And so he starts drinking really hard to catch up. And he drinks really hard and he gets wasted and he passes out. And there's a whole thing about at that dinner where Nia's like, Danny's just taking a nap. He's not at dinner. And Nia's like, he's just taking a nap.
He needs to take a nap. He's so tired. And Jasmine gets annoyed because she's like, why are we saying that he's like, oh, taking a nap? He's like wasted, he passed out. Because Jasmine is, she had this whole issue with Danny. And so she is like a bit on edge about the fact that like when he gets wasted, he has bad things happen.
He goes to dark side Danny and now we're just gonna act like, oh, he's just taking a nap, whatever. He's drinking in a way that is like different from the rest of the group to the point where he winds up passing out, yada, yada. So they have like a little bit of a fight. So we come to this group dinner.
And at the group dinner, they're there to sort of like sort of smooth things over from that squabble that happened in Santa Barbara. And Jasmine and Brittany both apologized to Nia for, you know, judging Danny's quote unquote nap.
right it's really not their place it's not their place to judge the fact that he net like napped yada yada yada and they just say we just thought in that moment it felt like you were trying to hide something and it sort of triggered something in us and then nia tells a story about how she doesn't hide things and in fact she grew up uh she was homeless when she grew up and she had a really tough upbringing and they would
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Chapter 7: What dynamics shift among the characters during the recap?
She's she's a horrible human being. And then at some point she came out against Trump like she got mad at Trump. And so she started turning that. anger on Trump. And then people were like, Oh my God, Marjorie Taylor green's amazing. When did this happen? It's like, no, she's still a fucking monster. She's just a monster that is fighting somebody that I approve of right now.
We have to like, keep that in mind. You know what I mean? So that's my basic feeling because what, everything you, everything you were bringing up. Yes. The trip to Santa Barbara, the reason that Brittany, first of all, Jasmine was mad because she wanted to confront Danny again about this, this,
you know grabbing her ass which is her right by the way and that was my opinion back then as well that was her right to do it and she was pissed that danny went to bed brittany was pissed because she was having this whole relationship blow up with jackson she felt like she's putting everything on tv and meanwhile nia is getting to act like everything's perfect how i felt at the time is still how i felt if your husband goes out and gets too drunk and decides to go to bed instead of coming and filming and looking like a drunk idiot on tv to me
And that's a good move. Like to me, that was a good move. It's like, you know, was it a good move to get too drunk? No, but they're on vacation. He's tired. He had the kids. I got that. I got the like Danny wants to like whatever, blow some steam off and go to bed. He's tired and he's wasted. And it's better to not be on TV and embarrass your wife and yourself. So I thought that was a good move.
As far as like Nia trying to hide things, I think just because someone's life isn't imploding on TV, I mean, doesn't that just make them smarter? Like I didn't, I didn't fault Nia for that. I think the reason she got pissed at Janet was because Janet had already been coming at Danny and trying to prove a point against Danny. And then sat down under the guise of like, I really care for you.
You're an N.A., right? We all know you're an N.A., which was a big thing with that, too, which was kind of outing her. And he was like, what the fuck? I haven't talked about being an N.A. So that was a huge overstep. And then being like, well, I have a husband who's got drug and alcohol problems, too.
Well, you've got Jax, who's like a complete cokehead, you know, abusing his wife, which everybody knew at the time. And so, Janet, it's like your enemy is like, oh, it's concern trolling. It's like, oh, Nia, let's sit you down on TV and now let's talk about what an alcoholic your husband is. So I could see how Nia was like, fuck you guys. Like, this is not cool. Okay. Now, this stuff this year.
So I don't think that Janet's off the hook because Janet took that stuff so far to the point where it was at the reunion where she's like, oh, really? Well, Danny is grabbing multiple women. We all know, Dan. You know, she took it really far. And they were like, what? Who? Who are you talking about? It's like, oh, we all know it's multiple women and doing all of this.
So Janet took something that was that could have been from anybody else. Real concern. If it was from somebody else like, listen, Danny is to the point where he's. I don't know. If it was handled differently, it would be one thing. But it's the fact that it was your enemy coming at you and then making it a TV thing like that.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of Danny's behavior for future episodes?
I'm not sure I would ask you to do that. I just feel like looking at it back, I think it's more like the extreme hate that she received from the audience was driven in large part by this idea that Danny and Nia were couple goals and they seem to be the only functional couple on the show. And Janet just goes after them. And she was a hundred percent terrible at the reunion.
She just got worse and worse over the course of the seasons, you know, saying sexual assault, all this stuff. And, but I think the, I think she's one of these people that when she gets like cornered, like, like so many reality stars, when she gets cornered, she gets entrenched in a, in a, in her stance. And then she just gets worse and worse and worse. And I think that ultimately she,
Looking back at it, I honestly didn't even see it so much as really concerned trolling when I watched it the second time. I just saw it as someone being like, hey, this was like a weird moment. If there are issues with the drinking, like, you know, you can talk to us about it. Like, I really didn't see it as anything deeper than that. And Nia immediately became very defensive.
And I, and I agreed, like you should be able to, if you want to handle stuff behind closed doors, we just had this whole talk about the village. If you don't want the village getting involved, you keep it behind closed doors. But it's like, Danny has an issue here. And yeah,
janet picked up on it and like mentioned something and very quickly kristen and others went and like were like making janet seem like the devil right away and then we all kind of just went with it and janet didn't help janet really helped the case for kristen but the truth is i actually think in retrospect if you look at this this inflection point i i don't think that what janet did was really so bad
Well, it's all in the delivery, eh? Eh?
it's all in the delivery eh i mean i really think that janet is her own worst enemy you know she absolutely is enjoy her as a villain i enjoy a bumbling villain like i think it's like so funny that janet is a big villain you know especially on a show where you have really toxic toxic people and like doing terrible things and then you just have janet who's just like you know stepping in you know bear traps and knocking over boxes in her villainy and i just think it's funny
Yeah, I think she's just as toxic as the rest. And that's kind of the problem is like they're all they're also toxic in their own ways. I mean, you could really go down a path with each one of them. It's like, OK, well, Kristen, you know, she's being a good friend.
But then look at everything Kristen's done and look at all the boneheaded decisions Kristen's made over the years and the reason she got canceled in the first place. I'm like, we could go down that with.
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