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Chapter 1: What happens during Brittany's breast reduction surgery?
Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit Crabbit
Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.
So then, Brittany is setting up Girls' Night, and she's like, girls' night, sparkle! Lala comes, and Lala's like, what the fuck?
She's like, girl, we are doing a crab boil! Boop, boop! Yeah, it's bicycle. I'm doing a whole transformation.
I'm having a tummy tuck. I'm getting breast implants. I'm getting crab claws added to me. That's why we got this. I'm going to collect all the claws afterwards and bring them to the doctor. I just want to have them on my back. I'll be like rattling around. It'll be fun.
I'm going to have crab claw ears.
It's going to be so good. I want these shells. I'll be like, oh, I want my crab.
I'm getting a tummy tuck. I'm getting breast implants taken out. I'm getting smaller ones back in. I'm getting a lobster tail put on my tailbone. I'm getting 360 lipo. Y'all won't even be able to keep clubs on me.
So, Zach is, Janet, Michelle, everyone comes over. All the girls and Zach come over. And Zach is like, wait, wait, wait. Tell her to close her eyes. And Jasmine's like, okay, close your eyes. Okay, close your eyes. Okay, hold on. Me, Kristen, and Jasmine want to get you something really special. Okay. This is the first of two times that this happens on the show of Close Your Eyes.
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Chapter 2: How do the characters react to Danny's behavior?
But most of them, I'm like, no, unless I have good this.
Yeah, the saddest one was the one we went to in Alabama where you just basically watched me eat crawfish in that like empty, empty restaurant.
I was not going to trust that strip mall. I was not going to trust that Alabama strip mall.
I was like, Ronnie, we're going to get some local food. Nope.
And that was even before GLP-1s. I mean, that's how shitty that food looked. I was like, nope. I'm saying no to you and I'm not even drugged.
so lala tells us i like the kind of crab that sings like a little companion in like a disney movie like not dead on a table for me to eat so like a disney companion so um they're eating and like you know brittany goes all in she's like is sticking in her mouth she's like oh crabs
zach's like britney absolutely not this is not a beer bottle that you're trying to open don't use your teeth janet also has an update she's like so i came home and nothing made me want to have sex with jason more than knowing that i couldn't and i was like wait we can't and he was like i thought about it and then he went over all the options and all of them just seemed like potential re-injury especially that one move that was hey pretend we're playing basketball then let's have sex afterwards that was gonna be really bad on his knee
Mala's like, well, you're going to have to give him blowjobs. And she's like, no, that's not going to happen. It's like, Jesus, Benji and I'll take care of him. At least I get blowjobs. I mean, geez, I think I blocked though. I can't even text him.
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Chapter 3: What humorous gift does Zach bring for Brittany?
i reached out to him when i found out and i was like oh my god that's terrible yeah i really appreciate that jack and then they started talking about how the paramedic who picked up jason was like super hot uh because that's something that happens in la all the time it's crazy it's crazy it is like porn star care workers or the firemen yes oh my god it's crazy firemen are kind of universe not universally i mean not not a hundred percent but like ninety percent i mean
There's a lot of fucking firemen. There really are. So, yeah, they're talking about that. And Janet's like, yeah, Jason tried to get his number, you guys. He tried to get his number. What? Did you? Why? Why was Jason trying to get his number?
What's going on here? I don't know, but I'm sort of into it.
Suddenly I care about Jason's knee. I'm like, fix that knee so you can get back down on it, sir. Get that number.
Jason, the hot fireman. I'd like to see where this goes.
Yes.
So Nia's saying, well, yeah, I just want everybody to know I made a meal train for Brittany.
Oh, God. Nia's the meal train person. Of course she is. God.
I know. Exactly. Of course. God, I hate the meal train person.
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Chapter 4: How does Brittany feel about her body image changes?
So get your sucker ready. Cause you're getting this whole body done.
Chapter 5: What are the dynamics between Jasmine and Kristen?
And, um, so I talked to them about it and apparently they, it hurts really bad, but they also like cut your muscle. Like they cut your stomach muscle and then pull it up and like re-sew it. So you're,
in severe pain yeah okay at least that's what meal train granted i'm a disaster by the way so yeah i think i think it is meal train but you know what i can't do it at my place because that hill i live up a hill how the am i even going to uber home from the place i'm not going to be able to walk up that hill i was watching her try to walk up the stairs wait are you doing this in you do it you're doing this in l.a yeah i think so i mean i would trust l.a more
Chapter 6: Why does Jasmine feel overlooked in the friend group?
I'll get you up that hill, Ronnie. Don't worry about that.
You will? Well, you can back up the hill now in your car, right? You're good at that. Yeah.
Well, I don't back up. I go straight up and then I back down it.
Oh, that's a brave way to do it.
I think it's easier.
I don't know. I couldn't ask anybody to see me like that. Oh, come on.
come on you know either way nightmare I'll be like uh okay I will grant I will grant Brittany the meal train I will grant her the meal train meal train granted I just got a notification from Amtrak and the meal train is departing the station congratulations you gotta take it and how hard can it be it's a meal train for Brittany you just need to have some wings and some nuggets and she's fine
But like, well also where's Sherry? Where is Sherry in all this?
Where is Sherry in her white lip, her white ass lips?
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Chapter 7: What challenges does Brittany face post-surgery?
I remember her being there, but she's probably like, girl, how many surgeries are you getting a year? I'm out. Okay. I'm mom trained out. We're going to start a mom train to just start sending in other reality stars. Mom for your ass. I've done enough.
I don't know. I don't know why I had such a reaction to the meal train. It's just like, I think that they do a tremendous service and I love that their websites that are set up. That just make it so easy. Okay. I think if I drill down to it, I know I'm going to make something awesome for the meal train.
Last time I did it, I made, last time I contributed to a meal train, I made an amazing dish that unfortunately featured nuts and the child was allergic to nuts. So it was not really palatable for the family, but it still was amazing.
You're my hero.
But I was like, buck up. It's a good meal. So what? You'll get some hives. I have to go to the hospital. I could do two meal trains at once.
It will be worth it, you little whiner.
No, but I know I'll do something really good. But then like I go on to the meal train site and it's like, oh, unfortunately, the only availability is like Tuesday at 2 p.m. And it's like, I can't do that.
can't do that and now i can't do it and it's annoying and it's because like nia has been like sorry i gave um i gave like the easier slots to janet or whatever or to michelle lolly yeah and it's like but they're gonna make shitty food and i can make i can make a really good thing and i have to be stuck in the slot with that's most inconvenient for me i feel like that's not fair
Yeah, I agree.
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Chapter 8: How does the episode conclude with the characters' interactions?
And she has like a gold card where she can just eat free Hooters for life. I mean, that's a hot girl. Like, why are we? Fuck off, Jax. Still. Jax isn't even here anymore. Still fuck off, Jax.
yeah and she just was just she was she tells us how she was like in a really bad place and um you know and she's just trying to remove the last messages of jax because if it doesn't serve her anymore she can get rid of it so she's like i don't feel so good and lala goes i know this sounds cheesy but i'm like i'm like very excited for you to feel like the way i see you oh my god i hope you see me like a crab because let me get those shells on my back it's gonna be great
i know you have i know you've been through a lot jack's uh janice like out with the old she goes yeah with old titties they with new titties okay it is very the valley for someone to be like i'm going through an empowerment storyline by getting my my ex's titties out of me so then um you know what i love these and i'm getting rid of them i'm getting my own boobies
they've all eaten all this crab while standing over the kitchen island and now they they like pack it all up and i love how the whole group came together to like wipe down that table i was like wow you guys really did that this was the messiest table in a second and then like it was that was friends i was like i was genuinely touched by how they all made that kitchen island sparkle clean um for sure
sparkle and then meanwhile jasmine was drinking um opus this bottle of opus which apparently is very expensive and she didn't realize and they're like uh neil's like um you're drinking opus what that's expensive oh my god you emptied it wow someone drank a bottle of wine in the group everyone
Yeah. And she's like, I think it said Opus. I don't know. I'm dyslexic.
I was looking for my favorite wine. I don't know.
Opus. That's so expensive.
I don't know. I didn't drink at all. She's like, it's empty. This is like $100 plus per bottle of wine. She's like, I didn't know. She's like, this is a very expensive bottle of wine, Daniel. It's like, Nia, you're more upset about this than you are your husband emotionally abusing you in front of everybody. Good Lord, calm down. It's not yours.
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