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Chapter 1: What happens when a notorious guest returns for a seafood extravaganza?
Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!
Crap!
Hello and welcome to Watch Watch Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me here in person in New York City. Yeah. Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hello. How's it going? Good. So nice to be in person. I know, right? We are here at the ACAST Studios in NYC. Tomorrow night is our big cabaret. We hope you join us virtually.
If you're not coming in person, go to our WatchWhatCrappens.com or use the link on our social media and you can get streaming tickets. So go there. The tickets are available up until curtain. for each show that you want to watch. But the streaming will be available for a week afterwards if you bought your ticket. So we hope you join for that. We're so excited.
Ronnie got some cool props for us that we're excited to play with. Could you show me our angles?
Do you want to see the angle? Okay, good, good. So we don't have the center one. Thank God. That center one kills me. I'm not a profile person. I'm a straight-on kind of a person. No one ever likes me meeting you.
I think it's a good angle for you. But yeah, I've just given up on trying to get a good angle. I feel like it's just over.
Good angles are over.
Good angles are over.
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Chapter 2: How do the hosts feel about the season finale of Below Deck Down Under?
To sleep his slimy ass and greasy ass in that bed. That man smells like Franzia. Spilled Franzia from three days ago. You know he does. That man is disgusting. Get the fuck out of the bed. Yeah. Even sleeping in a hotel. We're in hotels now, obviously.
And I slept in that bed and I was like, I wonder if someone like Ben came in here and slept on the mattress without a sheet on it, because that is disgusting. And I'm never going to forgive it. Yeah, we're going to forgive it. And everyone online is like, oh, so nice to have such a classy chef. He's not classy just because he has a accent. No. OK, we need to stop with that. That's not an accent.
Yeah. And so they're like suddenly classy. He's still trash.
Yeah. Yeah. So he really sucks. I yeah, I was I still like don't like the fact that he he's still really standing like 10 toes down in his excuses. Like I was yelled at. I was yelled at. I want and then it pivots to like, oh, I wanted to take myself out of the situation. No, you want to sleep in a nice bed because you felt like you were entitled to it.
And you are trying to reframe it like you're the victim of Daisy. Oh, please, sir. The amount that you've yelled at people, that you've been rude to people, et cetera, and that you have to face the consequences of your actions. Like, I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm not buying any of that. That being said, I love his victim storyline.
He's like, I just had to get out of that. I was so hurt. Oh, I'm so traumatized. Grow up. You're like 50. You're a 50 year old alcoholic. I'm sure you're yelled at all the time. Yeah, exactly.
That being said, I think Ben was a tremendous addition to the show because Ben was amazing. Honestly, it's just been so long since we've had an egotistical chef on Below Deck. We've almost had chefs that are too nice or too okay.
We need chefs that are a little deranged and a little pompous and are kind of like the world revolves around me because that really creates so much drama with the interior.
It also creates good food. I mean, I don't believe good people are good chefs. It's just a fact.
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Chapter 3: What controversies arise between the crew and the guests?
Linen gate. Ben and Joao are having a fight because Joao's like, you have to get out of the bedroom.
I'm standing up for Daisy and all of the ladies who have ever had to make beds. Get out of here. Making a bed is very difficult. Get out. Oh, really? You fucking be careful. Wow. Well, I went to the engine room and I talked. Oh, yeah, because it's a national fucking emergency. You fucking prick. How dare you? So then we go to the other people in the hot tub, which are Eddie, Barbie and Daisy.
And Eddie's like, they're kicking off at each other. Oh, no. I'll remember this, you fucking wanker. I'll remember this. The chef will never forget about the time you tried to kick him out of the room he wasn't supposed to be in, so he took off the lemons. I will never forget. I'll remember this, wanker.
It's like the thing you say after you burn down someone's home, not when someone says, can you get out of that bed?
Yeah, it feels like you just got pushed into a locker, and now the bullies are far enough away that you can be like, I'll get you! Wake up! It's like you already got your ass kicked.
Or it's like you're the villain of a Saturday morning cartoon. You're like Dr. Claw and Inspector Gadget.
I'll get you next time!
Skeletor.
Well, me and Joao are actually friends, so it'd be nice if he had my back. You know, he shouldn't be trying to get me out of the guest cabin. I locked the door for a reason. It's been a really long season. I haven't been sleeping well at all. You know, two, three hours max. Well, that's just not true.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the 'linen gate' incident?
So she checks in with Joao. She's like, are you okay? And he's like, that was a big cluster zim. I said this about sleeping in a bed you guys have made for Charter. I said, I'm standing up for all the women who have burned their bras for decades to not have to remake beds in the morning. And we are going to be a team and respect each other.
And then he tore up the bed and he said, well, now it's not made and the girls can make it in the morning. And then he said, do you think you need a stewardess or a chef?
Oh, there we fucking go. Fucking brilliant ego, you know?
Fucking selfish behavior. We spent a lot of time getting those beds ready for Charger, and now we have to redo all of that work. I mean, look, to be fair, Daisy, it's making a bed. Remake the bed.
You know what?
it is making a bed but it's also oh it's making a bed it's like it's just it's that one thing it's like that it's like 10 minutes sometimes you just that's like 10 minutes you don't get to just put your feet up you know it's all true yeah and sometimes that 10 minutes it's like one thing to tidy up your bed it's not that they have to like do they have to hang out they have to deal with the fitted sheet and like dealing with the fitted sheet is like just dealing with the worst person in the office so they have like
the worst person in the office the close talker who just had a tuna sandwich and you're like uh i don't want to have to do this right now i just want to go back to my desk so i can check sounds like a confession these are my confessions yeah because it's like to deal with the person version of a fitted sheet is like a lot of manhandling i feel like that's how gary deals with people like fitted sheets like ah come
No, I feel like that's how the fitted sheet feels about us. The fitted sheet feels about... I think the fitted sheet, it's like, here's this thing that theoretically, it's supposed to fit on a mattress. So things that fit, usually it's an easy thing. You just put it on. You think it's like putting on a hat, like a shower cap. You just put it on. But no, it's never that easy.
Is it going this way or that way? And then it's getting all scrunched up. And then you put one corner on, another one pops up. It's not making your life easy. And you're like... All I wanted right now was to be doing anything else than dealing with this fitted sheet. That's true.
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Chapter 5: How does the crew handle the unexpected challenges during the charter?
Like once you reach a certain point in life, you just know how to do it. So I, I sat there and I like, I practiced and I learned, and I actually, I actually made a YouTube video back in like 2011 or 12 on how to fold a fitted sheet, which is hilarious. You can look it up everyone. But, but that, with that method, I like laid it out on a, on a bed and I did this thing. And then Andrew was like, Oh,
no, you don't have to lay it out on the bed. I was like, really? She's like, yeah, you can just do it in your hands. Now, part of me wonders, was she bullshitting? But I learned how to do it. I learned how to do it. And it does not serve me well at all. Like that was a waste of my time because like everyone's always, everyone has your response. Just bunch it up.
Yeah, I mean, it kind of straightens itself out because it's stretchy. But I do have a very wrinkly bed.
The point is, fitted sheets are a pain in the ass. And now Ben has caused the staff to have to engage with them yet again. And I think that is a crime against humanity.
You're right. I shouldn't say, it's just a bed. Just remake the bed. That's not cool to say. But part of me is like, just make the bed. I don't know. It's in my heart to feel like that. I think because I have to tell myself all the time, like, Ronnie, it's just a fucking bed. You don't have to cry every single week when you change your sheets. Here's a question. And I do.
Like, I'll literally cry. I'll stay in bed an extra two hours because I'm like, it's the day to change the sheets. I don't want to change the sheets. And I have to be like, Ronnie, it's a fucking sheet. Get up and change the sheets. You don't even have to do the duvet today. Just do the sheets. And I still, it upsets me.
So when I see her doing it, I'm like, just do the fucking, it's like I'm projecting.
I was about to say, have you ever made a sandwich and then has your sister or your niece been there and been like, oh, can I have a sandwich also? And then you're just about to eat your sandwich and you're like, got to make another sandwich.
Well, yeah, that's a lot more practical.
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts critique the behavior of the guests?
uh that look no no i was not exactly accurate no no not you i was saying you get that look when when you're chasing the whale for your whole life oh that's true you know call me ishmael call me jason call me jason i just want to put a kimono on a whale one day That smells like sandalwood.
So now it's the next morning, five hours still charter. And, uh, yeah. Oh my God. I can't believe we're picking up charges today. So much drama last night. Then we go to Alicia and the tool. And, uh, she's like, well, you did the right thing. Going to bed again last night. It turned into fucking chaos.
Yeah.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Uh, Daisy then is like telling the girls to check the cabins, especially the one that Ben slept on. And then Jason, uh, Jason goes over to Ben's at Ben's his, the room that Ben crashed in squatted in. He's like, good morning. What happened? He's like, well, at dinner, she yelled at me. And so I was awoken and they were just sniffing around the fucking drama and bullshit. In my opinion,
all right you literally caused the drama and people were reacting to you also i wish they had shown when he said i was awoken i wish they had shown him doing his little kangaroo boxing when he got startled awake with his little fist going oh yeah that's how i used to wake up everybody was terrified of waking me up i was vicious i was vicious i was violent yeah like yeah
I'm pretty docile, but there was one time where Dom woke me up and I did a Spider-Man thing. I'm like, that's... He was like, whoa. It was the most random thing.
So he's like, yeah, they were sniffing around for drama. It's bullshit, in my opinion. All right, let's get this sheet off. You can see why they got riled up, right? Because they've got a 24-hour turnover and you're sleeping in the bed, all right? Just cop it on the chin, all right?
He's like, okay, and by cupping on the chin, I won't do that at all. It's like, all right, I'm going to get all sides of the story, so let me get to the bottom of this, and then when I get to the bottom of it, I'm probably going to take a nip.
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Chapter 7: What insights do the hosts share about the dynamics among the crew?
Oh, jeez. To say that I'm disappointed is an understatement. Mainly that I haven't found Moby Dick. About this stuff, I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying. A lot of peanut M&Ms to get through. Going to the final charter, personalities are being tested, but they're experienced and mature individuals, and we can't afford them to clash.
So we're supposed to be blowing it out of the park. This is unacceptable.
Well, with Ben dead, I'll tell you this. Everyone is super upset about it. Nobody can go on with their day. Everyone's walking around saying, did you see the unmade Ben? Did you see the unmade Ben? It's like ground zero up there.
She's acting like it's all the people watching, you know, buildings burn after Independence Day. So there's more cleaning that's happening. And in the galley, Ben sees Ellie. He's like, good morning. How are you, sunshine? I guess sunshine's acceptable. Sorry I had to take myself away last night.
Oh, yes. I left shortly after and went to bed. I was like, I am done with this. You know, sous chef humor. Hint, hint. Oh, but then it got worse, didn't it? I went to the master cabin. I locked the fucking door and Joao found the fucking keys. I mean, just stay out of it. If you're my friend, stay out of that.
Well, I mean, you and I would have been pissed as well if we had, like, prepped the galley for a charter and somebody came in here and cooked and left all their shit. He's like, uh... Please don't use logic on me. You will no longer be getting a raise. You will no longer get a promotion.
I was like, well, I wouldn't have started World War II over it. I'm like, literally, Daisy said to you, crew lunch at 11, and you spent the rest of the charter undermining her by making her debone red snappers at the table. So the answer is yes, you would have started World War II.
You would have started a war. I mean, you went and tattletaled to the captain. What is that if it's not starting a war? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Get back to work. So Jason radios that has a department to meet on the upper deck. Now, now we have to clean up this mess or I've had to talk to all of you or I feel like I'm across what happened. All right.
So what, whatever was going on last night, he pulled himself out and he pulled himself in a room that is unacceptable. Now I've got one question for you. Was it unsafe to, or traumatic for anybody here.
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Chapter 8: What are the hosts' predictions for the next episode?
Well, you know, go on. Go on and earn them second stripes, girl. You know, at the beginning of this season, my mother said, don't bother going to culinary school because you won't make it. And I thought, I could be a chef. I could make something of my life. But now I realize this is my path in life, saying, I'm just going to go put toilet paper in rooms now.
Thank you, Mama, for putting me on the right path. Whatever works for you. Just get the fuck out of my face. So now we go to the galley and they go to he goes to Daisy's cabin and he's like, oh, look at the name on your door. Sorry, it's Daisy. He's like, I'm surprised. I'm surprised at the name on your door. I'm surprised it doesn't say Daisy, Queen of Sheba up there.
I'm working on it right now. They just say I'm the queen of parliament. You know what I'm saying? And Ben is like, well, I'm sorry that I slept about guests coming last night. Thank you. I appreciate that. I don't want to turn anything south. I just wanted to remove myself. This is the new version of the stories. I just wanted to remove myself.
Well, I appreciate the apology, because I know it's not easy to say sorry, especially to the Queen of Sheba herself. But I'm sure you're aware of how much of a fuck you it is to the girls and their hard work. And they were really upset, and rightly so. And I see how hard you work, but there's an essence of, like, I don't really respect the crew.
I'm sorry I wasn't listening to any of that monologue, because you're just a girl.
Queen of Sheba. What a babe. All right. God, no one really gives her enough credit in this world. When do you go to Halloween and see people dressed up as the Queen of Sheba?
Queen of Sheba. More like the queen if she doesn't shut up.
You know, sometimes I don't look at other people's views. I'm selfish sometimes. I know that. You don't mind if I take your pillow? What is this, down? This is actually very, very nice.
All right. Do you like the smell of pomade on your pillow? Because I'm about to... All right, Leslie, this was a good talk.
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