217: Doug Stanhope
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The enormity of his crimes was all the worse for the outrageous quality of the things he said. When his grandmother Antonia sought to give him some advice, he not only ignored it, but told her, When he exiled his sisters, he warned them that he had swords as well as islands. When he had someone killed, it was invariably by means of repeated delicate incisions so that, as he notoriously liked to express it, a man would die knowing that he was being put to the blade. When a case of mistaken identity led to the wrong man being executed, he declared that the person put to death had no less deserved to die. He liked to quote the proverbial line from the tragedy, "'Let them hate, provided they fear.'" Once, at an elegant banquet, he suddenly burst out laughing, and when the consuls who were reclining nearby politely inquired of him what had prompted such laughter, he answered, Why, only that with a single nod I could have either of your throats cut here and now.
Angered, when a crowd cheered on contestants who were competing against his own favourites, he cried out, If only the Roman people had a single neck! So that is from the biography by Suetonius of Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, who many listeners will better know as Caligula. Caligula's name, Tom, is one of the most notorious, not just in Roman history, but in all history, as a byword for sadism, tyranny, depravity and debauchery. And today... We're going to find out how much of this is propaganda and how much of it is rooted in political reality. So let's put into context from the first century AD, Caligula is the third emperor and he succeeds Tiberius, who he did last time, in the year 37. And he only rules for four years, right? That's right.
And then he gets murdered by his own guards at the age of 28. And in that time, he doesn't win any great military victories. He's not responsible for any great monuments. And yet, as you say, I mean, he has to be up there with Julius Caesar, Augustus.
And Nero.
Nero as one of the most famous Romans who's ever lived. And as you say, I mean, right up to the present day, complete byword for cruelty. And also for sexual depravity. Yeah. Because he was, what was it, that thing, that kind of sub-porn film. From the 70s. Where John Gilgit embarrassed himself by... Sitting in a bath.
Yeah.
So, yeah, so the kind of the flavour of scandal and depravity hangs over him. And some of the episodes from his life, I mean, you know, they're very well known. So he's said to have slept with his sisters, turned his palace into a brothel. Yep. He likes to humiliate senators, so he'll have them kind of run by his chariot or serve him at dinner, kind of dressed up as slaves. The consuls forget his birthday, and so he sacks them. And probably the most notorious story of all at least this is how it's understood, is that he made his horse in Catartus a consul. Yes. Actually, that's not quite what Suetonius says, but we'll be looking at that and perhaps teasing out what that whole story might have been.
And when you were reading that, people on the YouTube will have been able to see that, but when you talked about having throats cut, you turned and kind of grinned at me in a menacing way. And I think there is a slight element of kind of very, very dark comedy there. About me or about Caligula, or are we the same? About you, about Suetonius' account, and perhaps about Caligula himself, wouldn't you say? I mean, there's a kind of quality of grand guignol. About all three of these people. So I think Suetonius is clearly revealing. I think there's a certain quality of black humor there. And actually, when I was translating, I felt it very, very kind of vividly.
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