I Always Knew I Was Autistic - Talia Mar On Late Diagnosis At 24

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We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson 22 min 2 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Unknown 0:00
Welcome to We're Talking.

Why did Talia think she was bullied at school?

Unknown 0:02
In honor of Autism Awareness Day, we're joined by Talia Maher to discuss her journey with ASD from early struggles with masking to her diagnosis at 24. This is an honest conversation about breaking down the misconceptions surrounding autism and embracing neurodivergence.
Paul C. Brunson 0:33
Clearly, children are bullied and adults are also bullied for a variety of reasons. What do you think the reasons were that you were bullied?
Talia Mar 0:45
I think people are, especially kids, they're really unhappy when they don't know what they want to do and someone else does know what they want to do. I probably came across as having a level of confidence that one, I didn't have, and two, they definitely didn't have because everyone knew I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to do this. And I think everyone at school was like, I don't know what I want to do. And it was probably... just a way of being like, just shut her up. Like that's enough. Also, I was a little bit weird. I definitely didn't present myself in the way that everyone else did. I made myself somewhat of an easy target.

How did masking and 'fake it till you make it' affect Talia’s childhood social life?

Paul C. Brunson 1:23
Okay. How did you present yourself?
Talia Mar 1:26
I struggled with like eye contact talking to people like openly I ticked I had ticks at school like I had vocal ticks and people would be like why stop doing that like why are you making that noise I'm like oh my god they noticed like in my head I was like no one's gonna notice it's under my breath like I did everything I could to control it but I just could not stop um and I think people yeah they just thought oh she's weird
Paul C. Brunson 1:51
Okay, so these are the children saying this.
Talia Mar 1:54
Yeah.
Paul C. Brunson 1:54
Did you have any friends among that social circle?
Talia Mar 2:00
So I had, no, I had like moments where I had friends or I had someone who like would call me their friend and then it would kind of go downhill for various reasons or whatever. And I had a group that was supposed to be my friendship group, but those were the ones that wrote stuff on my yearbook. So I don't know if I would class them as really good friends.
Paul C. Brunson 2:24
Yeah. So how do you think that that, impacted how you showed up at that time?
Talia Mar 2:32
think i just got better at masking and like fake it till you make it has been my favorite saying phrase quote whatever you want to call it my whole life and the older i get the more i believe it and the more i hone in to that like one saying and i think that's probably what really really triggered it so that's why when you just mentioned you showed up uh looking like you were confident yeah i'm like that that was an act Oh, yeah, 100%. Yeah, I definitely have confidence in areas and like, I can be really confident. But I think it comes from a place of, well, if I'm not confident, this isn't going to go well. So I'll fake it. And then sometimes it slips into real confidence. And you have a moment where you're like, okay, I think I've got this.
Talia Mar 3:19
And then you might return to planet Earth.
Paul C. Brunson 3:21
Okay, so if you were to give 11-year-old Talia advice who's in that environment that she hates, what advice would you give her?
Talia Mar 3:32
Do you know what? I don't know if I would. I don't know if I would give her advice. Like, because I think, and that sounds horrible, but I think one, I wouldn't have listened to it because I was so set on the way that I was doing things. And two, it worked at the time.

What advice would Talia give her younger self about coping and music?

Talia Mar 3:51
And I think I came out pretty unscathed considering. And I think if I said something to her, I might change the course of everything.
Paul C. Brunson 4:00
But you're saying she wasn't fine then?
Talia Mar 4:01
Yeah. I don't know what I would say to her. Sorry.
Paul C. Brunson 4:05
No. But this is what I find interesting. She wasn't fine then.
Talia Mar 4:09
Yeah.
Paul C. Brunson 4:12
What would have made her fine?
Talia Mar 4:15
people being nicer I'd speak to them you speak to them I speak to them I'd be like look it's enough she's having a hard day yeah but I don't know if there's anything I could have said to me that would have made it better I really don't know okay this is fair this is fair so at that time despite everything that was happening you still wanted to pursue music yeah that was your north star oh 100%
Paul C. Brunson 4:37
Yeah, it seems like a lot of your work comes with a message.

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