Is Your Attachment Style Sabotaging Your Relationships? Dr Amir Levine Explains How to Rewire It
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Dr. Amir Levine, your book, Attached, I believe is one of the most important books of modern times.
It's sold multiple millions of copies. It's been translated to 42 languages. It's kind of crazy. You're the godfather of this. Those attachment styles, anxious, avoidant, and secure, is a major predictor of long-term satisfaction in relationships. How do attachment styles originate? That's kind of like the million-dollar question.
Hey there, before we begin the episode, I just want to say thank you for choosing We Need to Talk. Doing this podcast is one of the greatest joys of my life, and I want to continue to share it with you. So hit follow and the bell icon. It takes just a second, and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast.
Dr. Amir Levine, we need to talk. I'm here to do that.
What is Dr. Amir Levine's origin story behind the book Attached and how did a breakup spark his research?
First, I have to fan over you for a little bit, which I don't believe I've ever started any conversation fanning over a guest.
Thank you.
But I'm going to do it. Your book, Attached, which was, what, 2010, that you wrote with Rachel Heller. Rachel Heller. I believe is one of the most important books of modern times.
Thank you.
And it's a book that I've recommended, I have gifted, I have given to many people, I've read over and over and over again. Your book, Secure, which I was privileged enough to read in advance copy, is also, I believe, one of the most important books ever written in modern times and I believe will revolutionize how people relate to each other. I am so excited to have you here. There's so many topics that I would love to unpack with you, but I just wanted to make sure that you know how important I believe your work is.
Thank you. I really appreciate it. I didn't expect this. I'm so glad to be here, and I'm really looking forward to be able to talk about some of the tools that I have in this book and how it helped me enormously, and it helped my patients, and I wanted to help others too.
Yes, yes. Could we start, for anyone who does not know what attachment styles are and what it means and why it's important, could we start there? What is an attachment style?
So I have to say that I came across these attachment styles by chance. And this whole book came out of just really just like something that – It really could also have not happened just as easily. I was working. I'm a psychiatrist and a child psychiatrist. And I was working in a therapeutic nursery. And I knew about attachment styles in children. There's anxious, avoidant, secure, But I didn't know anything about that in adulthood. But the work itself was so interesting at the time that I went and I read more and more. And that's where I discovered that, lo and behold, there's also those same attachment styles also exist in adulthood and really determine how we behave in close relationships. And for me, I was going through a breakup at the time, and it was like a light bulb went on.
And it's like, oh, my God, I can't believe this. this is actually what's going on in the relationship. That's why we broke up. And that knowledge, it almost like you start to see things in color, where before you saw everything in black and white. So I talked to my friend, to my childhood friend, Rachel Heller, and you know, when you go through a breakup, you incessantly talk about the breakup. So I said, you know what? Instead of incessantly, let's do something about it. Let's take this information and turn it into a book. But we've always had this running joke that it's only going to sell one copy to the Library of Congress because we wrote it for ourselves, really.
Oh, my gosh. Well, you know what? Could you brag a little bit? How many copies of Attached have been sold?
It sold multiple millions of copies. It's been translated to 42 languages. It's kind of crazy. We never imagined it would turn out to be. And it's still selling. It's kind of insane.
Yes, yes. It is. So I've been writing books for the last three years for the most part. I know. Well, thank you. Thank you. And what was interesting is that every time I would see the top 10 list anywhere, I would say, oh, great, my book is at number seven.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–1:06
2
What is Dr. Amir Levine's origin story behind the book Attached and how did a breakup spark his research?
1:06–9:24
3
How does Dr. Levine define attachment styles in adults and what are the three main types?
9:24–21:45
4
What two dimensions determine whether someone is anxious, avoidant or secure in relationships?
21:45–31:57
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson
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