Chapter 1: Is gloving the worst hobby you can have?
What's that? It's the sound of our camper van flying through the states, because let me tell you something, we're zooming and we're coming to you very shortly. Pat, where the hell are we going?
We're going to Gold Coast on the 10th of June, Coffs on the 12th, Newcastle on the 13th, Canberra on the 14th, 16th in Wollongong and the 24th in Sydney, but if you're not fucking quick enough, tickets are selling fast, so you might not be there. Tickets are selling out, so by the time you hear this, you've got to jump online or else you're probably going to miss out. Welcome to the party.
I feel good. I knew that I wouldn't have. I feel good. What do you reckon would be the best like secret, not secret talent, but like cool talent to have? Skateboarding. No, I mean like something really weird, like fart the alphabet or something. I'd love to be able to, like, swallow things. Like what? Anything. Like a Rubik's Cube, just swallow it. Yeah, or like swords. Swords.
Oh, card tricks, I reckon. Anything with cards. Card tricks would be fucking... I reckon being able to tightrope would be pretty cool. Yeah. Really? Just throw one up. You know what I mean? Have a little slack.
Or have you seen the guys with the lights on their fingers and they do like the light show?
Oh my God, that's so awful. Yeah, what's it called? I don't know. It's gloving. That is awful. Dude. That, if I had to commit one atrocity, it would be all the glovers. Kyle, did you actually mean that you'd want that? Yeah. Be sick. That shit's so fucking lame. Well done, mate. You got a fucking couple sparkles on the end of your finger. That is like bullyable. Like you're allowed to bully.
100%. No room for bullying, mate. If you're at school and there's a kid learning gloving, punch him in the head. And I hope there's young impressionable people listening to this and they go do it. Are you gloving? Bang. Gone. Knocked out. Concussed. Sheesh. Where did gloving even start?
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Chapter 2: What are some unusual talents people wish they had?
Raves. Raves. Yeah, but now people are pretty sure you can hire a Glover. Oh, God. Can we hire a Glover at the OGES? That's what was coming out of my mouth. We've got to hire a Glover at the OGES. We've got to. And we've got to bully him. No, we can't bully him. Everyone boo him off stage. We have a whole segment of just bullying him. Booing the Glover. Yeah.
Pin the fucking... Pin the tail on the Glover. Pin the axe to the Glover's head. Sorry. All right, Glover at the OGs because it's done. It's locked in. That's awesome. It's happening. Fuck, I'm keen for the OGs. All right, what we're going to do is a bit of a gamesy kind of segmenty podcast, I reckon. I love it. Some fun games. Do we even throw in a scary story? Not saying we will.
I'd love to throw in a scary story. We'll see how we're going. It's a bit of an off-the-cuff gamesy kind of podcast. Before we get into that, I have a hypothetical to ask you guys. And then Kyle, if you could please get up some Reddit hypotheticals and we can have a look at some more, but I saw this hypothetical. I thought it was great. If you got $50,000 for every day that you didn't shower.
Or clean yourself in any way. You can't bathe in any way. You are allowed to brush your teeth. But you can't bathe in any way. So not even like a hot towel? Nothing. No cleaning your body. Ocean swim? Oh yeah, you can swim. No. No, you can't swim. You can't clean your body. Okay. You get $50,000 for every day. Can I put on D.O.
?
No, no deodorant. $50,000 for every day. But you can't change your life whatsoever. So you can't be like, oh, I won't go to the gym.
Wait, did you say you can put on DO?
No. So you can't go to, you can't be like, oh, I won't go to the gym while I'm doing this challenge. Like if you were going to go to the gym on this day, if you were going to go for a run, you have to do those things. Yep. How many days do you reckon you could go? And it's in a row. Once you do it, you stop. How many days in a row do you reckon you could go before you gave up?
Do I have to say I'll do it for a certain amount of days and if I don't, I don't get the money? No, you just do it for however many days.
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Chapter 3: Where did gloving originate and how is it perceived today?
All right, can I do a week? What? That's 350 grand. That's so dumb. That's awesome. I'd do like a few months. Bro. 365 days divided by... Divided? How do I do it into... Fuck me. There's 12 months. 365 divided by two. So 180 days. You might as well do a year by that point. Wait, what? Why did you get 180? I reckon if you get around 10 grand, bro, it's pretty cracker. 10 grand? Half a year.
10 mil, sorry.
Yeah, I'd do six months.
I'd do six months and I'd push for a year if I could. Get yourself a fucking mad house. Invest your money. But imagine gymming and how much you would smell. You wouldn't really be able to interact with people. Yeah, but anyone close to me that I would care if they... Listen, this is the thing, right? If I walk past someone in the shops and they smell, I am like, that's fucking disgusting.
And often I'll be like, to let them know they smell. Yeah, same. But they're not getting paid $50,000. So I wouldn't give a fuck if someone thought I smell. They're not choosing to smell, but they're not doing it for money. If I'm doing it for money, who gives a fuck what people think? Even though they don't know.
But then all my close people, bro, I'd just be like, hey, just so you know, I'm going to smell. I remember once these two people came into my elevator. You could walk around with your arms in the air when it's heaps windy. I reckon that would blow some of the smell off. No, it would just blow it to people. No, like get the sweat off your arms and that.
There was two blokes came into my elevator and they reeked like the worst body odor I've ever smelled. And they were having a conversation like in celly conversation about like, oh yeah, she's being so annoying. She won't see me, blah, blah, blah. Like really, not that that's in celly, but it was very much like, well, why won't she text me back?
Or like why this all girls are like being blah, blah, blah. And kind of like talking about this girl. And I had my earphones on and I was literally, I was like, fuck, if I was in like the right mood, obviously I would never do this.
But I was like, I wish I was the sort of person where like I would take my earphones out and just be like, hey, just so you know, she's probably not replying because you smell so bad. I've never smelled anything like this. So maybe keep your fucking issues. Maybe fix yourself before you fucking start blaming someone else. Wouldn't that be awesome? Then the doors open and you leave.
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Chapter 4: What hypothetical situation involves not showering for money?
Yeah. No. He's not saying sorry for lying. No, he's saying sorry for lying. No, he's saying sorry for letting you down, but it's the truth. No. That's not how I took that. That's how you should take it. Yeah, bro. There's no point even doing it for a week. Okay, I've got a bat. You know... You might as well go. Would you go half a year at least?
Yeah, I'd go six months. I'd try my best. But I need a shower right before I sleep every night, so I don't reckon I could be able to sleep.
Why?
I always shower, like, right before I sleep.
See, this wigs me out because you shower not in the morning, do you?
Yeah. I shower every morning and night.
Yeah, so do I. Oh, I thought you did. Because one thing that fucking wigs me out, bro, is some people go, oh, yeah, no, I don't need to shower. I showered last night. I'm like, yes, you fucking do, cunt. I don't shower every morning. Ew. I feel like I don't wake up until I shower. Same. But also you have like, you've been lying in dead skin cells for like the whole night.
I'll shower every night and then sometimes I'll shower in the morning. Oh. Maybe like, maybe four times a week I'll have a morning shower. I reckon I shower in a, I reckon I shower 20 times a week. That's a bit much, isn't it? That's a lot. Can I shower 20 times? I shower three times a day. But it doesn't matter because you don't use fucking soap. I love soap. What do you mean I don't use soap?
You don't use it on the right places. Because I don't wash the bottom of my feet. And your knob. My knob gets... I wash my knob with soap. You don't. Yes, I do. Your soap runs down your knob. Yeah. That's not washing it. Which means it's getting washed. That's not washing it. It's washed, mate. Anyway, you're doing at least 30 days, one and a half mil. I reckon I'd push for six months.
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Chapter 5: How does the concept of personal space change with kids?
Picture this. Picture when we do a Melbourne show, double it. You could get picked. Okay, how about this? Kyle, could you please do a random number generator from one to a thousand? If it's the number seven, then I've been shot. Otherwise, I get 10 mil. Also, guys, our Patreon vlog with making our own pies is coming out. Real soon. Keep an eye on the socials. Fuck, it was fun.
And we're going on tour. Buy your tour tickets. Get your fucking tour tickets for a new look show, motherfuckers. Oh, look, it started on seven. It started at seven.
Chapter 6: What are the implications of adopting a child for a trial period?
It's very different to what you've ever seen before. Okay, I'm sweet. Pat, you wouldn't try it? So I pick a number? Pick a number. All right, go. So you genuinely wouldn't do this? My number's 467. But are you doing 1,000? Yeah, just go off 1,000. You would die if it's 467. Oh! Carl, would you attempt it?
Yeah, I'd do six, nine. Easy.
I'd probably do it. I'd do a hundred. Nah, because what if you died, bro? I wouldn't even know. You've got a whole life to live. If it's number 81, then I'm dead. What I mean about us, I mean the people you leave behind, bro. Sweet, I'm set. Nah, I'm not doing it on a hundred. Do it now. 99. That's 10 mil. And then how about for every 10 mil you get? So now I get to get another 10 mil.
If it's 11, I'm gone. Sweet. Another 10 mil. I've got 20 mil. 80 for me. Sweet. You got 20 mil. Do you? I just keep going. 11 for me again.
See, but how far would you go?
30 mil. I'll go 16 now. It's just going down every time. Four. Four. 72. And this would be my last one, 91. I want 50 mil. I'm going to go 99. I took 50 mil. Imagine boom.
What would your next number be though? Because this will determine if that was the right decision or not. 76.
Oh, 91's in there. I said 91. Someone said 91. See, now I'd go one. But I wouldn't do it. I'd take 50. I wouldn't even do it for 100. Go, bud. Scary, eh? Do we have some... That is so crazy, cunt. Do you want a hypothetical? Yes, please. But he's going to fucking wig me out. Yeah, this one's a fucking wig out. I don't want a wig out, bro. I don't want a wig out. Oh, I love this.
Nah, I don't want to be like spinning out. Aliens visit Earth and offer to take anyone who wants to go to their planet. Anyone who wants to remain on Earth can do so. If you stay on Earth, you live a normal human lifespan subject to disease, old age and other natural causes. Your Pat's already confused.
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