Alfie Kohn
speaker
385 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2018
last heard Oct 2018
Alfie Kohn’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
What kids need is to know that they're loved for no damn good reason, just for who they are.
And so in my book on conditional parenting I talk about
ways by which we can make sure that kids get this message that
They never have to earn our love.
And you know, when you put that in isolation everybody nods and says, Yeah, that sounds nice.
But this means throwing out ninety eight percent of the advice that that were given, which is precisely about making kids earn what they experience as our love.
and care and approval.
And that doesn't mean that we can't guide them.
uh which we must that's part of a
a parent's job.
It it doesn't mean that we can't
express concern about unacceptable action.
But we respond to it by helping them to
To look at the impact of their actions on other people.
not shifting what they do in order to avoid
getting our anger or in order to get our our approval.
So when we put conditions on our love and acceptance, you have to do this for me to be pleased with you.
Kids internalize that those conditions, as Carl Rogers taught us many decades ago.
And now you never really think.
um you're okay except when you meet these certain standards.
Showing 201–220 of 385 · page 11 of 20
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