Alfie Kohn
speaker
385 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2018
last heard Oct 2018
Alfie Kohn’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And that conditionality is
I mean, what we're looking for is not just high self esteem.
It's unconditional self esteem where even when you're really having trouble with stuff and you run into problems in your life and you do things you're not proud of, there's still that core of faith in yourself and your own your own competence.
That's what we chip away at unwittingly every time we say, Good job, I like that you did whatever and the kid learns.
I guess I'm only good when I keep doing whatever.
Um, first we might be talking about it uh more often than we need to.
Sometimes we may just want to watch.
Maybe we feel this compulsion to stick our nose in and offer
some sort of intervention when it isn't really necessary.
So that's step one.
Step two is sometimes when we think we do need to say something, we can simply describe what it is that we saw without a a judgment attached.
Because that's what praise is.
Praise isn't about encouragement.
There are many loving enough
and authentic ways to encourage children s you know, just by listening to them and loving them.
But but when we praise them, we're judging them.
We're saying you have met my standards, I approve.
And
judgment is not really what facilitates growth.
You know, it doesn't for us as adults.
Showing 221–240 of 385 · page 12 of 20
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