Alice Wilder

Then he went on a big expensive vacation with his primary partner.

Ever since, he stopped paying for things on dates.

He even Venmo requested me for half a pizza after saying he would pick it up for us.

Is it weird if I bring this up with him?

Signed, secondary partner.

Yeah.

Oh, I was going to say like a lot of my friends are poly and we have conversations like this a lot.

And I feel like it's important to remember that you're not less than just because you're not, you don't live with this person and you're not legally married.

Like you still couldn't advocate for yourself.

In these situations or be like, hey, this feels a little weird.

Like, I don't really know what the solution is, but it feels kind of weird to me.

Let's talk about it.

I've been with my fiance for three years, and we're stuck on where to build our life.

We both grew up in the same big city, and our families are here.

But he works in a niche industry where the best jobs are a two-hour flight away in a city where we don't know anyone.

I've been clear that I don't want to leave.

Even thinking about moving makes me panic, and it almost broke us up last year.

If he can't find something while paying here, moving feels inevitable.

I'm really torn.

I'd rather stay put, even if that means you make less money.