Amy Schumer
speaker
178 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Amy Schumer’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Yeah, it's like any woman who, like, I'm going to butcher it, but like who decides to, you know, live an interesting life or something will be treated as a cruel joke and she'll need her sisterhood. And I'm sorry because I butchered it, but, you know. No, no, no, the concept. I get it. And I wish it wasn't like that and I... Goddamn, I wish it wasn't like that.
Like I want to be one time a promoter. But I'm like, no, every second of every day, every set, every everything.
Everyone just thinks that women are. at at any point might lose it and they're just waiting for you and so every day it's like memento you have to like start over and and remind everyone that you're in your position for a reason every day every day and i just want to say this since you asked every year You're in like a chain, like a WhatsApp chat or text chain with the other moms in class.
I mean, with other parents. And then they pick, they designate class moms. You know, they go like, and they haven't changed it to be PC. They haven't made it to class parents. Okay, class mom. It's class moms because the moms are the ones handling shit and communicating and we text and whatever. And then once in a while, like a dad will pop in there and we'll be like, Rick, are you lost?
You know, like the moms are really getting things done. Right. And and I just like think like I want people at home to imagine like. Imagine if your dad one year was in charge of planning your birthday party. I wouldn't have had one. No, okay? Your dad is like, I'm going to handle it this year, okay? Any dad is like, I got it. Or anything. Or planned anything.
they communicate, they can't, and I think this is, and men are in charge of the world. It's terrible. The world. And that's why we're in so many wars. I think that it's not even on purpose. I think probably these men were probably just trying to plan a birthday party. No.
You're a whore. And you're a whore.
I think they're afraid of women and they're afraid. I really do. I think I think.
i think men are terrified of women i think they're it goes back to how they feel about their moms i think they feel guilty about their mom i mean we all feel guilty about our moms yeah and and just scared it everything we've ever seen all the old movies all the books all the you know it's like it's all from the guy's point of view it's all the male gaze the slow pan up from her heel and it's just starting
gonna get better and so if i were to say to gloria stein i'm like what the hell she'd be like it's so much better than it was but what it was was that not that long ago you needed you know your husband to get a credit card and we couldn't we couldn't vote and like you know here we are and here we
You know, I remember in college, I would kind of try to talk a big game and be like really confident, like, you know, Mae West or maybe a more up to date reference. And then we would like I would go home with them. I remember I went home with this guy one time and he had like I don't know, like pit bulls or Doberman pinch. I don't know.
He had these like dogs and he was like, just, I think he had like an ankle bracelet on, you know, like he was on parole or something. And like we were, and we're like kissing and like, we're like in the laundry room of my dorm. And it was like, it just all happened so quick. And I was like naked. And, And I was like, I am in way over my head. I am not this experience sexually.
I have been completely bullshitting this guy, trying to like act like I know something. And yeah, I still... But no, nobody ever... Yeah. He knew I was full of shit too.
I'm actually super vulnerable and scared of your penis.
20s and 30s. I think, like I remember the first time when I was a teenager and my first boyfriend was like fingering me or something and I was like wet and I was really embarrassed and I thought it was a bad thing so I kept going to the bathroom and like wiping it up, you know, I had no idea. And then in college, I think I was so drunk all the time.
I feel like my self-esteem was super low because I went to Towson University and that was number one for Playboy for hottest women that year.
and are you serious so i was just like an actual troll with like the physique of brian cox and i was like you know like i just look like an mma fighter and you know i'd have to wait you know like i would black out and so i you know i didn't even think about work like trying to have an orgasm probably until i was
I probably didn't have the confidence to try and have the guy make me cum until I was like in my 30s.
I have never come from penetration, ma'am. it's a scary thing to say out loud. No, it's not. I mean, it's scary because nobody talks about it, you know, because we're all like, you know, getting an Oscar, but getting an Oscar, but no, I, I, you know, I've had generous partners who understand like that, you know, I need to orgasm first. And I know you subscribe to that 100% on your Wikipedia.
It says to make her come.
Showing 101–120 of 178 · page 6 of 9
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