Anna Runkle
speaker
240 appearances
7 recordings
2 series
first heard May 2025
last heard 19 Nov
Anna Runkle’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 6 in all, peaking in Nov 2025 with 5.
Appearances
Yeah. And how do you feel about that? And, oh, you had a dream. Tell me about that. Yeah. And all of it's so interesting. When you're addicted to hope, that's just fueling the addiction. How does heroin feel? What do you like best about it? What does it smell like? You wouldn't do that, would you?
You have to clean up your environment and you have to be with different people and you have to stop cold turkey. And some people may have an easier, softer way out of it. They'll have to figure that out for themselves. But there comes a time when you realize you're only going down. And so you cut it off. I think it's very spiritual, too. I'm a spiritual person.
And I think that if you're craving the divine in another person, you actually need a spiritual life. So that you're not misapprehending that spiritual inclination that's natural for you as being from one person. But you need fun.
You need to start going on bike rides and getting together with girlfriends and having people you can go to so you're not alone all the time with your feelings and people you are honest with. And they have 12-step programs for this. But I think- Yeah, for obsession. And Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is one place.
But I think it's important for people to maybe go to gender segregated meetings because there's nothing like a room full of people who have bad boundaries around this stuff and haven't figured it out yet. So that can go south. Yeah.
you know, in my own healing, I only ever healed when I asked for help from the most formidable, scary person who I knew could see my shit and would tell me the truth about stuff and how I changed my, it was a man friend who I knew.
Um, and, um, he, uh, I knew him in a 12 step environment and we had known each other for 20 years and there was never any attraction and he was married and, and it was, it was, it's kind of an odd choice in 12 step. Um, But I had watched him help dozens of men change their lives. And the men, the problems they were having were a little different than mine, but they were like
the equivalent of living in your mom's basement in their 30s. And they would drive some shitty car and feel very sorry for themselves all the time that girls didn't like them. And he would teach them to suit up, dress nicely, go take out a loan and get a proper car that would be appropriate for dating, start to set some standards, and then get to work really hard on the 12 steps. And so
When I met my now husband, I just kind of knew he was the one, but half thinking, but I would think that, right? That's what I do. But he was like a really good guy. And I could see that. And at the minute, I was like around him all the time. I was in this class that he was in. And whenever I was around him, I would want to dress nicer. I'd want to stop gossiping.
Like this really good part of myself was trying to come out.
I made me want to be a better person. And that's before we'd ever even spoken. So for two months, I kind of felt like he was the one. But I finally chose my moment to just like chat him up about something. And he just like didn't get the clue for the longest time. So we were, you know, we were just hanging out for a while. And then I put my cards on the table. So we had some dates.
And after a couple months, he broke up with me because I was coming on too strong. At one point, he said, I want to go really slow. And I was like, I do too. And I'm not worried about it. I said, because I already know. I already know where this is. No, it was, I had made a decision, you know, I, I was in my forties.
I had had plenty of experience and someday we'll talk about like the, the, the heinous experiences I've had. They're terrible. They're, they're, they're a little bit funny now, but not even totally. And, um, I, I took some time off and I did deep work on myself to do something differently and to be real about what I wanted. I had kids by this time I was divorced with two boys.
You can't bring some jerk into your life with kids. And so I was really careful. And I said, I'm going to go really slow. Like, it's going to be a long time. I'm not going to have sex anytime soon. Like, forget about it. But if you want to get to know me, I'm here. And then he said, that's what I want. And then I was like. I would get him. That's all I needed to be like, oh, I got to get him.
So I was coming on too strong. And then he broke up with me. So that's when I asked this man I knew. I said, can you help me? I just think this is the best guy I've ever met. And I blew it. And I just somehow I've got to get him back. And so he helped me. And it took about six months. And he taught me, sit on my hands. Let information come to me. Don't initiate anything.
Because I would see him every week in this class. And it took a little while. First, he would sort of come up and be like, oh, do you want one of the cookies? And I'd be like, yeah, okay. And then go back to what I was doing instead of like leaping at everything. Because being a single mom is very lonely.
Yeah, but I think it's important. It's activating some part of us. And it gets disordered. Like, I was so worried about being a single mom that I thought I had better work double time to get him. But it just doesn't work on a healthy man.
You know who anything, you know what, if you don't fix your way of dating, who it will work for is like, you know, the relationship before that turned out to be a heroin addict. I didn't even realize it. But that's who has fine with your foibles, you know.
A scarcity, I guess. I don't know. It works psychologically. In my case, I was playing a game. Here's when everything turned around with my husband. It happened one day. He called me up and I had been coached to date like a proper lady and don't accept dates after Wednesday. And I was like, you're kidding. Oh, I can't. Who will I ever date? And I always hear that from people now.
They're like, no one will ever date me if I have standards, you know? But I was like, so he calls me on Saturday evening. What was I really doing? I was just sitting there all by myself. My kids were at their dad's. I was really sad. I felt like crying. Another year, nobody to be with, you know? And I was really sad and wishing he would call. And then he called. It was him.
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