Arnold Schwarzenegger
speaker
350 appearances
4 recordings
4 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard 22 May
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 2 in all, peaking in May 2026 with 1.
Appearances
Yeah, exactly, yeah. So Milton Berle, by total coincidence, there was an organization called SHARE, and it was Hollywood women that had husbands that were powerful. So the women were powerful because of that. But there were wives of Sammy Davis Jr., wife of Dean Martin, the wife of Johnny Carson, the wife of Milton Berle, the wife of so-and-so, and all this kind of mishmash of different people.
And so my then-girlfriend, then-future, became a wife, Maria, she was kind of like... hanging out with all these girls because she belonged to Cher. She was part of it. And so Maria, when we had our engagement party, she says, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to have Ruthie come also. I say, you mean Milton Berle's wife? Yeah.
And then so, but we did not know the idea if this meant also Milton Berle. So sure enough, Milton Berle came also. And he did a little stand-up routine. I remember it so well because I was appalled. Because you don't know, if you don't know really humor and comedy, what are the rules and all that stuff, I had no idea. I was sitting there and he says, oh, it's so great to have
Ruth, look at my beautiful wife here. Last time I saw lips like that, it had a hook through it. I mean, I said, oh my God. Oh my God. Did he just say this about his wife? And she just casually looked over to Maria and she says, oh, I hear this shit every day. I said, Jesus. I mean, it was like the beating, it was like unbelievable. He said, look at Schwarzenegger.
He has bigger tits than his girlfriend. Yeah. And all this kind of stuff. It was like relentless, this stuff, right? And so anyway, so Milton and I became very good friends. And he says, you know something, let me tell you something. He says, you're a great actor. He says, but I want to teach you about comedy. And because... As you grow in your profession, you will be asked to speak.
And there's no speech without starting out with a joke. You got to be ready for it no matter what the occasion is. And so he was kind of like teaching me all of this stuff. And I said, I didn't quite... get it yet, what he was talking about.
But then as time went on, he was telling me, I said, look, he says, you go, he says, you ask me to go and give you something about the speech that you're doing in Vegas, you're getting an award. And he says, so here it is. And he was telling me this thing. He says, well, that was really fantastic. Thank you so much.
I said, you know, being a bodybuilder and having been around the movie business, you get, of course, a lot of trophies and a lot of medals and awards. But this one is without any doubt the most important. And so then he says, okay, say the joke. And then I will be going and he says, okay, and this is the most recent. He says, fucking stupid Nazi. What the fuck is the matter with you?
What did I say? Did you see my paws? I say, you have to look at it and you say, you know, I've gotten a lot of medals. But this, without any doubt, is the most recent. You have to kind of get emotional. Yeah. And give that moment. And people go, oh, isn't that nice? And then you say, recent. I said, and then you throw out the recent. I said, you don't go and say recent right away.
You have to have the timing. I said, don't be stupid now. Listen to me carefully. And so he was always kind of like screaming at everything like this. So this is how I kind of like learned from him. How to do comedy and how important it is to do the timing of that stuff. They may call you down to give a speech at some medical convention. And I said, no, I would never do that.
He said, I know nothing about that. And he says, no, no, no, no, no, no. He says, what's wrong with just starting out and just saying? He says, hey, what a coincidence it is. I had a physical this morning. I went in there. The doctor says, okay, take off your clothes. And I said, okay, where should I put it? And he says, right there in the corner where mine is.
And he says, that gets people laughing. He says, now you win them over. Then he goes, you know something, it's really funny. I am getting asked all the time, all these stupid questions about, you know, how is your blood pressure, how is this, how is that? And one of them is, the other day was also, how is your stool? And I said, the doctor said, stool is fine. I have to go every morning at six.
He says, well, that's great. And I said, it's easy for you to say. I said, I don't wake up until seven. So he says, you see, he said, now we are talking. He said, you get people to laugh and you win them over. He says, you maybe follow up. And he says, the stupid thing is, first thing is, it's always the same thing. He did a blood sample, a urine sample, and a stool sample.
I just said to him, take my underwear. So he says, you see, I just gave you three jokes for the medical thing, and this is how it goes with everything. If a guy gets divorced or something like that, you just say, well, my problem started already. My wife said to me, she said, I'd like to have sex in the backseat of the car. And then he said... I said, me too.
He says, no, no, I want you to do the driving. You know, so shit like that. So he showed me basically kind of like for every category. If you go to a plumbers convention, here's a joke. If you go to this convention, here's a joke. If you go to do this for politicians, here's a joke. So this is what he was trying to do. He's trying to teach me
how to have a certain sense of humor and how to use the jokes and how important it is to do the timing and all of that stuff. And he hung out with me all the time. He, of course, was a big cigar smoker. So we smoked cigars at Cafe Roma in Beverly Hills. He always would come by or I would go over to his house and smoke or he comes over to my house and smoke. Then he would come to the set.
I remember when I was doing like... twins or kindergarten car people come to the set as the inspector general kind of to check out if i'm doing okay with the humor otherwise he has to kick my ass you know he will come ivan reitman was directing yeah right and so then he would come to the set and he would say how is the kid doing and then i was anything okay he says okay good he says
You know, in those days, he was smoking right there in the classroom in the movie, you know. With all the kids around. He says, okay, good. He says, okay, director said you're doing well. Keep on working. You know, and he would just, he would do this whole routine, like coming to the set to check me out to see if I can do my comedy and a comedic movie, you know. So we had a wonderful routine.
And even... You know, they wanted me to, or maybe he wrote it in his will, I don't know. But someone, they said, Melody wants you to do a eulogy. So I said, okay. So I went out there and I said to myself, a Milton Berle eulogy. Well, you're gonna assume he's gonna be funny, right? He said, maybe it was a little bit over the top. I have to admit it.
He said, son of a bitch, he said, I just, we just closed the casket. I said, took us fucking 15 minutes because he still had a big boner. You know, he was always known for his long schwanze, right? And so, you know, he was always saying, people always say I have a long schwanze. But, you know, this is all bullshit. Well, the kitchen help is jerking me off right now.
Showing 301–320 of 350 · page 16 of 18
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