Aubrey O'Day
speaker
1,063 appearances
30 recordings
2 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Jun 2025
Aubrey O'Day’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And by the way, I want to jump in with you there. When I first started this process, when Homeland Security came to me, I knew more... Potentially knew more alleged male victims than women and still potentially, you know, alleged victims. I know more men than women. It's so much harder.
And when I when I hear them discuss how what they fear and coming forward, it's a completely different set of things than women do. But we know that what females face, which is what we're seeing right now is. which is a bunch of people calling you names and making fun of the things that you would do in private sexual behavior with your partner.
And you can only imagine how much more complex it goes on the other side and all of the stigmas that are associated there. But I find that men even have a harder time Women have come out, and so it is a little bit more of a conversation.
But you do know instantly when you come out, likely the first thing you will experience is being slut-shamed and not believed if you're with somebody of a higher status, more power, or more of a fan base or a liking.
And let me stop with you on that right there. I was in an abusive relationship. I tried to tell people on a larger level. And the response from both the person that was involved in it and the people around was, if it was so bad, then why did you stay? That to me was always something that would make my blood boil.
And I would try to keep the more almost that you try to explain that the more they sit back and think that you're full of it. It was so difficult for me to explain. Nowadays, when I hear somebody say that it's an instant trigger for me to be like, oh, you're definitely abusive. And she's definitely been abused. That line alone for me is a tell. Now, maybe it's not always a tell.
But for me, it's a pretty big tell. And I hate that we're getting caught up in that place because there's tons of different reasons. Please talk to me about what they are and let our audience know what they are. There's no general trait of any one victim. I'm so different than other victims that I know how I grew up.
racially gender all of the above it's just a way that you are the way that you're groomed the process in which you fall for these people and you experience the abuse it can trigger something in your mind that almost creates this attachment through fear through isolation for me isolation was a big part of it I didn't have anybody to lean on so discuss what those factors are
Unfortunately, you know, for those out there that don't understand this, you know, I love that you have made very good decisions for yourself and that you were able to avoid these types of people in the world. But please make space for the possibility that these things are very real for other people.
Does the first one run into childhood trauma?
And self-worth also does not have a beauty standard. There are a lot of people that look at Cassie and don't understand how she could have ever had any low self-worth. She's a perfectly beautiful looking woman according to social standards. But I do want to make clear that, you know, when I would experience it, it was exactly what you said due to abandonment from childhood.
And even when I met Diddy relating this back to Puff himself, he... I've said this so many times, but if you were to ask me now, who would you want to revisit in your past of all the accomplishments you've had, whose praise would you want to revisit that made you feel the most full?
And still at 41, after tons of fucking therapy and tons of healing and moving to Bali for two years and doing every little thing that I possibly could because talking to a person and all of the other things just wasn't enough. I still would say puff.
And that's because he's just so... I keep trying to really describe this to the viewers because it seems so unreasonable almost, but he's so all-consuming. I've only met a few very powerful people in life, and I've met them all mostly, that steal the air out of the room. You almost have this palpable reaction like...
When they come in because you're gasping for air because their presence is so big. Now, in that case, that's a very extreme case of somebody absorbing a room. But I've met people on everyday levels that I can see in their relationship are just exhausting all the air in the room. It's the same type of feeling on a large scale.
But when Puff would be proud of you and be impressed with you because he's so honest, He rarely was. He mostly was very clear about all of his dislikes and all the things that you weren't doing well and all the things that you needed to fix. And it wasn't healthy language that was being used or healthy. It's grooming is what it is.
Putting us in scenarios where our dreams are held over our heads and make. us do ridiculous things in order to prove ourselves time and time again. It was called reality TV and a network and a production and a whole bunch of other people signed off on it and thought it was funny and a great look for television. And unfortunately, I think it is also part of the response.
It needs to take accountability for itself in regards to how many people looked up at a television then and decided that to be life as it is, decided to... for that to be an example for them in one way or another.
You were seeing this very powerful person, a lot of people that were enamored by his presence, doing all kinds of ridiculous shit, continuously having to prove themselves in ways that are unreasonable, like run Central Park until two of you fall and that's who's going home. These are unreasonable things.
I don't know any other artists that didn't grow up under that situation that had to do that or was expected to do that.
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