How Low Can You Go

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Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes Present 41 min 2 speakers 5 chapters transcribed
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What is the main topic of this episode?

Aubrey O'Day 0:00
This is an iHeart Podcast.
Dr. Hilary Goldsher 0:05
Amy and TJ presents Aubrey O'Day covering the Diddy Trial.
Aubrey O'Day 0:10
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Amy and TJ Presents. Me, Aubrey O'Day, covering the Diddy Trial. And as always, our coverage of the Diddy Trial continues. So I just want to let everyone know that I'm flying solo today and that TJ and Amy are on a much-needed vacation. And I can't wait to announce my guest today, who I'm so excited to speak to. Her name is Dr. Hilary Goldsherr. And she is a clinical psychologist and expert in trauma recovery and emotional healing. She has over 10 years of experience in psychotherapy services. She specializes in the treatment of couples, relationships, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, and eating disorders. Hillary, girl, I think I have experienced almost all of these. So I am so happy to talk to you.
Dr. Hilary Goldsher 0:58
I got you. I got you. Thank you so much for having me.
Aubrey O'Day 1:02
Thank you for being here. So I specifically felt very passionate about discussing last week's testimony, in particular, the forensic psychologist, Dawn Hughes. Let me first establish Dawn Hughes testified for the prosecution. She testified to trauma bonding, delayed reporting, substance use as a coping mechanism. The internet is buzzing on this conversation. I think it's so important to... establish with you out the gate why women stay with their abusers as it pertains to the Diddy trial.
Dr. Hilary Goldsher 1:39
Yeah, this is a question that's sort of floating around the culture right now. And while I'm disturbed and devastated about the alleged crimes against the myriad of women involved, I'm sort of the sort of silver lining is that we get to talk about this. The question you just asked is complex. And a lot of people, unfortunately, are having an opportunity to think through this very nuanced paradigm. Because if you haven't been through it, or you don't know someone who's been through it, it's a fair enough question or a fair enough set of complex factors that get one who is curious and trying to understand this complex situation to ask why they don't get it. Why would someone stay when things are bad and scary? Yes. that can lead to blaming the victim or minimizing their trauma.
Dr. Hilary Goldsher 2:35
And it's a really negative vicious cycle for victims and for the paradigm of domestic abuse. So I'm happy we're talking about it. So I have a lot to say about why. So feel free to interrupt.

Why do women stay with their abusers?

Aubrey O'Day 2:46
You can go for it. As I was listening to her testimony, I found myself looking back on many of my relationships and understanding many of levels to all of her uh conversation that she had include testimony that she had including um utilizing sex as a love language for somebody who had groomed and established with me that that's how i can get his attention so when text messages that say hey i want more i love you i can't live without you let's make the next one more wild this is making so many people react in a way where they think clearly she wanted it clearly she's asking clearly she was willing And we all know that there are absolutely established events that we're not willing and that we're not wanted. But for the ones that were during cross-examination, I think it's good to start breaking down why women do that and how they find themselves in a position. Women and men, by the way, because this isn't gender exclusive.
Dr. Hilary Goldsher 3:43
I'm really glad you pointed that out because obviously there is shame encircling men who are victims of domestic violence, given the full of male-female roles that society establishes.
Aubrey O'Day 3:55
And by the way, I want to jump in with you there. When I first started this process, when Homeland Security came to me, I knew more... Potentially knew more alleged male victims than women and still potentially, you know, alleged victims. I know more men than women. It's so much harder. And when I when I hear them discuss how what they fear and coming forward, it's a completely different set of things than women do. But we know that what females face, which is what we're seeing right now is. which is a bunch of people calling you names and making fun of the things that you would do in private sexual behavior with your partner.

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