Ben Kissel

He released him from his probationary holding in Indiana to be released to New York City for the July 4th Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest for the 250th year anniversary.

Celebration of the United States of America.

And what a glorious year it is.

And so this lady met Joey Chestnut.

Yeah.

I was in Woodstock, Georgia.

He was at a restaurant that's sadly been closed down called the Original Hot Chicken or something like that.

It was actually really good.

They dip the chicken in cornflakes and then they fry it.

It's lunchtime.

I'm hungry now.

Anyways, he was at some event this place was having, and he was in a macaroni-eating competition there.

Now, thank God I was not there to witness said competition, but my then-fiancé and I were there for lunch, and Mr. Nut himself was walking around.

And I stood up to meet him with the rest of my party, and he cut off my then-soon-to-be-future father-in-law to ask me, "'Where'd you get that bag?'

My wife wants one so badly.

Now, I'm not going to lie.

I straight up lied to that man.

I told him I didn't know where I got it.

Knowing full damn well where it came straight from China as it was a knockoff of Goyard Bag.

But do you think I'm going to admit that?