Carlos Herrera
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
It's the same guy.
Why are you laughing?
As you track through the woods with your bow. Yeah, dude. Oh, hum.
Ho hum. Where the donuts are old fairy and they're filled with cum. Ho hum.
You get a cataract.
You can do a pug pug to get rid of it.
This is what they, like a mock-up of them.
I'm not vaping weed or anything like that. I'm not, dude.
The truth is that- But did you take something last week?
Oh, here at work? Dude, I never come to work high. Okay.
I was embarrassed because I was with a girl.
Did you have a threesome? No, I didn't, but I was embarrassed Bobby caught me, like, striking out with a girl. Oh, shit. oh well yeah it's kind of funny yeah but but i didn't bring like you've never seen me vape weed in australia here ever never did you did you hook up with the guy and not the girl No, but he was like more interested in like talking to me. It was weird.
Yeah. I watched this reality show this weekend and I only related to the gay men on it.
What's it called? Mexican Dynasties. I loved it.
Mexican reality show. It's so good about rich people in Mexico City.
He goes for it. 60-40. Like when I was younger, I would do it more. Now I try not to, but also fail. So I usually do it.
No, I've done it before. I know the brownie.
A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
But with like Russia, they could in China, but them alone, they're like- What did you just say?
Oh yeah, but I thought- So what are you talking about?
No, but Black Rock does military contracting.
No, fuck her. Oh, getting divorced is like a cheat code. Oh, now I get to be single.
Or you could get a ghost gun. That's what I was going to tell Bobby to do is he should kill her himself.
It's a 3D printed gun. Wow. Oh, and you can destroy it when you're done? That's what Luigi used.
He didn't have gloves on. He didn't check to see if he was dead.
What did it say on the shell? Deny, depose, delay.
Oh, I would have lost my temper. I've lost my temper at Annie a lot.
No, we just always played around like that. Yeah. Like I walked off her show once.
They just have a club? No, they just call in.
You're in Los Feliz or Silver Lake? Los Feliz. I think I become a shadow.
Great. Right. Let's go. You know what she did? She wanted to be able to prove to her boyfriend that she could get you to show up to the bar. Yeah, dude. You were like, oh my God. And by the way, you waved as they drove away and he went home and just fucked the shit out of that girl thinking about your nerd ass waving. Have a good night.
Well, that girl just wanted to say hi to you.
What does that mean? No, wait. Let that sink in for a second.
And he's 53. So get it right. Well, I'm just saying get it right. If we're going to sell fat.
Fair enough. Saying he's been around the block and he's learned his lesson a few times, but he's going back to the well, even though he knows it's poison water.
Well, let me tell you something. Poison water does taste good.
It does taste good. So he's swimming. Let the kid swim. He'll get out of the well when he's ready to get out of the well. Yeah. But right now it's a deep, dark hole. And it's hard to get out because someone's got to throw him a bucket. I'm not in a deep dark hole of, of, of lust. Yeah. You're looking for lust. You're looking for lust. You got it all wrong. There's no love. You got it mixed.
You're like a whale that has to come up for air. I know. Your blowhole is your Ozempic burps.
I can tell you it's coming, though. And it's not. It's coming, I feel it. I had a daydream about it the other day. It's coming.
Bob, come on back. Great. Go, McCone. Do your job. Great. I'm going to eat a donut.
Let me tell you something. I say that all the time.
Is this bad that when you said poke me, I just instantly got that Pillsbury Doughboy image in my head of when you said that? Now you're doing it.
Now you're doing it. No, no, it's not you. I'm saying it's just the image it got in my head because poke me is such a funny, it's such a funny word. When you guys, you guys keep pissing on his step, you think he's not going to come out?
This is in Michigan. In Michigan. Smashing beers on his head.
But he's going to come on, catch you with your dick in your hand, and that's going to be the beginning of the end for you.
And I say this out loud because I'm really trying to address a secondary issue. To the guy in my neighborhood that lets his dog piss on my fence, I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to find you and I'm going to kill you. Let's get it out, dude. I see him on the cam. Hey, hey, guy. We see you on the cam, dude. I'm going to beat the living shit out of this guy.
The dog pisses on my fucking door, on my fucking gate. And I see it.
The coaster of not having a drink on my table? Yeah.
Yeah, diarrhea on the fence. No, you can't poop on the fence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please don't piss on the fence. Sir, please don't do that. Sir, keep doing it. Please, sir. It's about growth. Yeah, and you should grow up, sir, and stop having- Well, you're going to bail me out of jail when I fucking murder this guy. See, that's the kind of talk I don't like. And I'm saying it right now. Yeah.
I'll testify for myself. Yeah, I did it. Yes, I did. Kill that motherfucker. That'll be me getting hard for jail. What's up, bitch? I'm going away for a little bit. Motherfucker dog pissed on my motherfucking dog. No. Bitch. California is a stand your ground state, which means that you can defend yourself without retreating if you're threatened. Right. Imminent danger.
I don't even know what that means. What does that mean? If someone's threatening to kill you, if someone's literally threatening your life, you can defend your life.
Go ahead. Tall, skinny white guy from Northern California. 6'9". Fresno. Yeah, Fresno guy. 6'9". 6'9".
That's what we have. It can't. It's unforbidden. And magnets are both the same charge. Exactly. You know what I mean? It just keeps missing. I want to switch the maggot.
No, it's an Eve apple more than anything. What does that mean? It's chunked away because he's been stabbed, cut. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's an Eve apple.
Daddy cross. And then... Right? Daddy crossed out. Yeah. But that one's a tramp stamp. It's daddy right above his butt.
That's John DeLorean. Jeffrey Dahmer.
Yeah, one's hand is what? One hand is one of those stress balls, just an old school stress ball.
You know what? Because it's not imminent danger because he's just hanging out. Now, at this point, can I kill him? No, he hasn't threatened your life. Dude, it's fucking scary, though. He hasn't threatened your life. Right. He's got to threaten your life. We saw it right here. Look. Is it imminent danger? No.
I'll give you a pound? That's better. You don't want to touch, you know what I mean? Are you a bad friends fan? I would say that. Oh, yeah. You want to take a picture? Okay, so ask me. And you'd be like, can I give you a hug?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what he'd really do?
So does this guy, his neighbor, the woman he's actually in love with, does she look like his wife?
I can get him. That's what I'd say. I can get him for you. Oh, you're there now too? I'm in my house. Oh, he's in your house now? He came to my house first. How do you think he got to your house?
Don't do that. What the fuck, dude? He wanted to see you. All right. He really, I mean, does that sound more like your fans than mine?
Could you, would you ever be able to stab somebody?
No. I didn't get recognized once. Not one time there? Not once. You gotta be crazy. Did I get recognized at all?
Are they special? Were they like branded for you?
No, the most expensive, dude. That's the kind of shit I have. Average first. Yeah, the average one is a couple hundred dollars. Most expensive samurai sword in the world. The most expensive Japanese sword in the world is Fukushima Mensori Samurai Tachi priced at $100 million.
$100 million. Look at how beautiful that is.
But this sounds like you're going to. The Swords of Northshire.
I guess we got to buy a Shingunto, Sado Arakai.
Well, we want it for the show. We'll get two of that.
You're not even flicking your finger.
Let me see. Really? That sounds so fucking stupid. Then why wouldn't every samurai sword be dull? Samurais in movies are constantly sharpening their swords. Why would I sharpen any of my fucking knives then? Yes, dull knives are more dangerous than sharp knives. Dull knives require more force to cut. Increases the chance of knives slipping and causing injury.
A dull knife, you have less control over the blade's direction. For example, when cutting a cantaloupe. This is talking about kitchen knives. Yeah, dude. That's swords.
More likely to bounce. This is like nerd stat. This is a real sharp samurai sword. They don't make a dull fucking sword. Imagine the samurais go out and they come back and the master's like, how did you perform? Yeah, yeah. Who did you kill?
Oh, this is all boring? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. One scene what?
wow wow dude unbelievable wow yeah this is not sharp at all this is actually oddly dull getting stabbed or cut worst literal way to die i'm pretty sure yeah i'm not really stabbed to death no stabbed burning is probably you probably lose sensation after a little bit i'd rather get stabbed to death than die buried alive in a coffin
I'm talking about someone doing harm, setting you on fire, drowning you, stabbing you. Shooting, stabbing, drowning, setting you on fire.
And also buried alive wouldn't hurt that much. You'd die of carbon dioxide poisoning.
I think you'd only panic for like 10 and then you'd be done. 10 minutes? 10 hours. Yeah, that's insane. I know, but then- The sweating, you're scratching at the, there's no way to- But then think about all the relief of the shit you don't have to do anymore.
At the 10th hour, you're like, I guess I don't have the podcast today.
Like this? All right, let's interview. I want to interview one of these kids from the colleges. You want to put one of these kids on the air? Why not? I'll go pick one. Let Bobby pick. I'll go pick one. 100%. I could tell this one was the one that definitely wanted to be on. Yeah, I know. She was a little chatty when she walked in.
What's your name, Chatty? Inconfident.
Alex, great to meet you as well. You're confident, huh?
Yeah, it's also very un-PC to have that on your shirt, considering the fact that you're sitting on stolen land.
Yeah, that's very dangerous to do. You're perpetuating something that's very, very dangerous. And I got to tell you, Alex, this is very scary. It's not a good way to start. I'm just kidding with Alex, clearly.
Thank you. Alex, where are you from?
They're all from Connecticut, right? Doesn't everybody live out there? Oh, I can tell. Hartford.
I hate Hartford, Connecticut. No, you don't. Don't say that. The club there. We don't hate it. I don't like the club there. You don't hate anything about it. Funny bone. I know, you hate it. Yeah. Yeah. Alex, what year are you?
Yeah, I was going to say, you don't look like you're a first year. Some of the people he brings in, they look like fresh off the boat, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed.
That's what I just said. I can scare some people on set. You do look like an AD. You have the energy of an AD. For people at home that don't know what that means, you look like you are organized.
You have to be really organized. You have to handle so much information at one time. And you should be good at talking shit about people right after they leave, but they don't hear you. Exactly. That's what you do. I can feel that so hard.
Good seeing you, man. Different coverage?
I think we're good. We're just going to use my side. Really? I want that to be in there. Adios. Okay. All that. See you later.
You do? Is there any other actors that you have in mind that we could replace him? Hey, guys, I'm back. Oh, God, the coffee. Would you get me a coffee?
Yeah. Yeah, what do you want in it? Just cream and sugar. Okay, I'll be right back. Thanks. All right. Is there any other actors that you would replace him with?
But off the top of your head, who would come to mind? A big actor.
John Cena. Hey, dude, the coffee's gone.
Oh, no, I wanted it black. I'm so sorry.
Oh, he's here? What is he doing here? Nothing, as far as I know. Maybe he's swinging by to say hi. Anyway, he's wearing the same exact thing I'm wearing. He is. Yeah, it's fucking weird. I think that's how he shows love.
He was swarmed with young women. Anyway. Running up to him, all these college girls goes, McCone, McCone. Dude, he was recognized by hundreds of young, beautiful college girls begging for McCone. I thought you said that you weren't recognized. I said I wasn't.
I was so nervous about that. Yeah, because we got to get this guy the fuck out of here.
Cut. Alex, good job. Thank you. And you danced around the lights as well. Awesome, dude. That was very good. That grad school's paying off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very good.
You take all these kids to Grand Central Market, huh? That's your move? That's like your date spots.
We love him so fucking much. He's okay.
But do you understand everything that he says all the time or no? Do you guys occasionally catch yourself going, what the fuck?
Yes, goodbye. Thank you. You do that to him. Smart.
We're the Coen brothers. You could have picked anybody else.
I'm his brother, Frank. Oh, you're doing regular voice. This is how I talk. Exactly. That's how you've always talked.
That's how I always talk. It's a choice.
That sounds like school. Yeah. That sounds like school did that to you. Yeah, yeah.
She's right. She's going to be good. Yeah. You really are going to be good, huh?
Yeah, but you know what it feels like to me? It's still a grind. The business feels like, you know, a drive-thru car wash. You ever been in a drive-thru car wash? You know, you put you in the gas station.
Right, it is, isn't it? But you know what happens when you're in the dead middle of it? You're like, whoa, look at all that soap. And all of the fucking arms want to be all over your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what starts happening? you start to see that the end is coming. You see it.
And you see it and you get closer and it inches you closer and you're like, wait, what about, I want to do the soap again.
Not once. At a college frat party. Not once. And look at this. That was the stadium. That's called the Big House in Michigan.
And then a big guy comes over to you and just blows on you to get you dried off and you're all dry and you're crackling and your hands look old and your face is all fucking weird now. And then nobody wants you to go through the car wash anymore.
Yeah, but that's life. Welcome to the biz, kid. You teach that shit at your fucking dumb little school?
Yeah. Well, read the book. Read the book on the biz that me and the kids wrote.
You're back in for your second time.
Pre-wash. What? That was pre-wash. That was all pre-wash. That was the vacuum in the carpet and stuff. That's all that was.
You're in your second wash. No, I'm in my first wash. Guys, he's in his... Mad TV. That was just like mixology. Fuck you. It's so stupid. That's a bad joke. It was a cultural iconic show. Shut up. That was your first one. Anyway. Do we know this to be true? We do. How old are you?
Okay, so you don't know any of this. You don't know what we're talking about.
Oh, you're saying I didn't get approached because of my machismo? No one knew who I was. Star power. Nobody knew who I was. How did they know him then? Of course I got to approach you fucking moron. A million people took pictures with me. I'm the king, bitch. That's what I thought. Can I finish my thing then? Yes, dude. God damn, dude. Actually, it was rad.
You don't even know. You don't know what Mad TV is?
Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Do you know what 9-11 was?
Couple of old whites, they would. They would talk about it. Right when she's born. Yeah. You know, 9-11 happened close to here. What?
Alex. Let's do it. You know why it was so hard to get you into this country? Because of the flight restrictions. How old were you when you came to the United States, Alex?
Oh my God. That's the one-year-old Alex.
And sweetheart, it took us so long. No karate. We said no karate.
We told you it took you so long to get here because of planes that hit buildings. Okay. So that's pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for you, Alex. Alex, okay. We love Alex very much.
Are you a fan of the show, by the way? Do you know us? I can tell she's not. No?
Please watch him. All right. Should we get one more student or no? Do you want to just talk a little bit? All right, Alex, you can jump back out. Thank you. You're the fucking best, Alex. Alex was great. Your vibe is great. Your personality is great.
Are you picking another person? Great. Well, let him go. Yeah, let him go. Are both the mics turned on? They're roommates. Yeah, we've heard this game before. Yeah, we're roommates, Dad, I promise. Sit in that chair there. This guy I really like. This guy, your vibe I like. I remember you. You walked in first, right? Grab the microphone.
You seem nervous. Well, this is, yeah, I get it.
Yeah, a little bit. So what year are you guys at school? Freshman, both of you?
Grad student at 21. Right. Do you get out of school at 21? How old are you?
What's your name, dude? Pull that out.
Franco. Frank O or Franco, like a nickname?
Say it like that next time. Say Franco. Franco.
No. What is your name? Franco. Say it with some zhuzh. Franco. Franco. Oh, very good. Very good. What's your name again?
Zach. Let's fuck that. Add some juice to that. Yeah, yeah. This is Franco. I'm fucking Zach, dude.
No, no, no. You gotta say it in confidence. You fucking rehearsed it, Frank. Franco. Franco. No, no, no.
The young kids that came up that love bad friends. And you know how many times? What did I hear? A thousand times.
Dude. Zach nailed it. Exactly, dude. We rehearsed it.
A thousand times. Where's Bobby? Where's Waldo? You are my where. They're looking for you, baby. I'm more like Waldo.
So what? Yeah, TV has no bounds now. You can make whatever you want. Isn't that something you teach them? The old structural days are over. I bet you he's a little finicky fuck, isn't he? He probably says, you can't write too many pages. You won't even get it through to that blacklist or whatever the fuck he...
puts on you guys you do your own artistic vision franco whatever you feel in the guts of it it is tarantino didn't listen to any of those fucking rules look at how good he turned out to be he broke that bullshit he smashed down the wall we don't need your books say that to him say i don't need your books i don't need your fucking books whoa well that was a little aggressive it's not what i was trying to get through how about you zach you same thing uh pr media studies double major
I have no clue good for you you have so much time exactly are you 20 years old yeah yeah you got so much time you have so much time dude unbelievable but we both know that you guys want to be in entertainment of some degree yeah but in New York you're never moving to LA right I'm already in New York so right you're never gonna yeah right good for you and you're not gonna move to LA yeah I'm probably gonna stay in New Jersey stay in New Jersey God bless so Franco you like telling stories yeah tell us one yeah
Put pandas in it. It'll be called where's Bobby, comma, there's Andrew. And I just a tall redheaded guy standing out of a little crowd. It'll be a sea of Asians. Where's Bobby? And there's Andrew.
And it's also nice to know for the Alien Romulus people that your movie obviously unites a very vast variety of people. Yeah. A black couple and a trans lesbian couple. I mean, that's fucking.
One of the trans people was on their phone and the black man or woman was yelling at them.
The black gentleman was yelling at them saying, you were on your fucking phone during Romulus. I wanted to watch the movie.
The trans person was recording the black people or vice versa?
Was the trans person still on their phone? Were they still on the phone? That would have been so funny to still be on the phone during the fight.
Why did the black guy get exited out and the other people did not?
It's strange those parts aren't compatible. Yeah, they're not compatible.
You think you could use the same charger, but you can't.
And he ducked... You never try to punch a black guy. That's my book. I have a book out right now. Never try to punch a black guy. It's coming out on Amazon right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was... Now, what did you do? You were still... You were at the popcorn machine.
You want a medium or a large? That's all you're thinking. Yeah.
Wild. That's a crazy fucking story. And the fight ended with the cops coming, I imagine.
You know why? Say in that camera, say Franco ain't no snitch. We say that right in that camera. Franco ain't no snitch. Perfect.
You know, that's a great story. I mean, honestly, movie theater working is very interesting to me because you see a lot of types of people come through. Right. And they're mostly nice to you. No one's mean to you. Are they mean to you at the concession? I've never been mean to you. I've never seen a mean person at the movie theater. Isn't that interesting?
I've never seen someone like get attitude with a person working at the theater. Because where would it come from?
What I'm saying is like you walk into a retail store, sometimes someone's being short with someone that's working in retail.
That's what I'm saying, but not to these people because who's going to get mad? What the fuck are they doing? They didn't do anything wrong.
But other people, yeah, like this, like the trans couple and the black couple fighting, they were mad at each other. But you guys don't get, you don't ever have somebody be rude to you. No. No, that's great. That's a great gig. Do you get to watch movies for free there or not? Oh, yeah. That's the perk. That's the perk? That's why you do it.
How many times did you see it though? I only saw it once because it was- What movie have you watched in the theater more than once?
Do you ever go turn on a movie when no one's there and just watch it by yourself?
You don't want to be a little bad boy?
Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting. That's the Pop Truck popcorn bucket you guys were selling. That's neat. That's amazing. Whatever you gotta do, you know, to get the attention.
Jack Black sat in that very chair that you're in. Sick. Do you know about this show? Have you guys ever seen this show?
Exactly what a brother would do. Yeah. Fuck you, Ben. You'd look like a Sarah Silverman fan, Franco. I'll make you say that. Franco, do you like stand-up comedy? Yeah, I do. Who's your favorite stand-up, would you say? I've only gone to a few shows. Sure, but who do you think you like? Who aligns with you the most in your mind? You'd go, you know who I like?
If somebody said, let's say you're out with a group of friends, and there's a cute chick, and she's like, you know who I love? I love Matt Rife. He's so fucking hot. Do you like stand-up? Do you like stand-up? Yeah. Who do you like?
Of Skank Fest. Yeah. Of Legion of Skank.
I'm not going to lie. I would not have picked that for you. That's insane. I would have not have picked that for you.
Wait a minute. You're cool. So then you would like this show. Do you know this show?
Well, we're low on the totem pole, I guess. I guess we're lower than we thought. That hurts me. It does me too. A little bit. Anyway- I'm glad at least you said those guys because those guys are funny.
I am very grateful. I'm being genuine right now. I'm grateful for our fans. I really am. I've been saying it at all my live shows. Genuinely, I thank the crowd from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to us. We do really love you. I'm so stoked you guys always come along for the ride and you're open for weird, strange, fucking absurd comedy. And thank you. We do love you.
I really appreciate you guys. Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend.
What? Are you being real right now? That's, wow. That was a stunning, I mean, I'm serious. And then five years later. She died of emphysema. No?
No, you actually want to be with someone.
Would you say when you're sitting on the lawn with your cigarette on your lawn chair, it's more that you're shorting more so than longing. When you're on a lawn chair, your legs don't go to the bottom, do they?
That's so funny. How hard is it for you to lift the back up?
It's like, yeah, I can't. You're longing for love, but I think you deserve real love. I don't think it's real. Yes, it is. It's not. What do you mean it's not real? It's not real. Love in general? I don't think it is. Well, there's different levels of love. I believe that. We talked about this in the car ride. Being in love is a phrase I think is conflated by society to be this.
Who knows what that means? But you've loved. You loved your exes. That's all love? But then it ultimately never worked out.
I had a girl today, I went and opened my suitcase to get my charger out right behind me. And I looked up and she was gorgeous.
And I just politely gave her a smile. Just polite, like one of these.
And she went like this. No, that's not good. No, it wasn't good. Looked up and away.
Yeah, yeah, those I'm used to. But I wasn't even, just a smile because I'm awkwardly unzipping in the tarmac tunnel. And so I'm like, sorry, like a sorry face, like, sorry. And she looked away as if peasant pig.
Yeah, she gave me that look like, hurry up, you fucking potato-y piece of shit. White, pink, fuck. I mean, she was gorgeous. And she just looked down on me, so obviously. I was such a little pig. By the way, shout out to Muhammad, who works at the Detroit airport. Big fan of the show. He goes, will you please shout me out on the podcast? I said, no, but I'm gonna.
He goes, Muhammad, it's easy to remember. I said, there's a most common name in the world. Of course I'll remember Muhammad.
Puerto Rican. Wow. Yeah, Tony would have hated this guy.
Because you probably... You probably like the wrong girls.
There's many women, I believe, who probably come and entered your life in different fashions, and they're probably pretty right for you. But you want the other one. You want the one that's probably not.
Ladies and gentlemen, Diamond coming to the stage.
And it's like, they don't help the homeless. You're looking for, what you're chasing after is Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going for, dude. But we don't want that. Yeah. That's not feasible. It is feasible. It's not going to be a long term. But you might not have a lot of time left.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
but you're in it right now. Don't you realize that? You're going to look back in 20 years and go, oh my God, I was in it. I was making a podcast with my best friend. It was one of the largest podcasts in the world. Like you're in it. It's great. We're here. Okay. So now find real love. Someone that respects you, enjoys you, appreciates you, really doesn't take advantage of you.
That's up to the gods right now. I think you can help some of it. Your therapist and I are saying the same thing.
Yeah, but also, the game that you have to play right now seems exhausting.
It seems like it's such a- It's so hard. What a game.
You know, like McCone. It's like that Bruce Lee movie. McCone learned a lesson the hard way in Detroit, didn't you? Tell me, tell me, tell me. Why didn't you say that, bum?
And I was- We were having a nightcap after the show. I said, let's have one, and then let's all go to bed. Deserve it. Definitely deserve it.
That's the coward's way, right? The coward way.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Carlos. Happy birthday to you.
I didn't smoke weed today. I smoked last night. Last night. Weed. Of course. Yeah.
A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
But people say that all over the internet.
No, this is like one in the lexicon. It was in White Lotus, I think.
Yes. You lied to me. You know what I did? You lied to me. No, I got you on a technicality. I went into the hotel and I said, Bobby, I'm not drinking. Why? What do you mean? Because I need something on this earth.
That's such a projection to me. You don't. I only Xanax and Lexapro, which those are prescribed. Those are called pills, dude. But you get them at Walgreens.
It's not cartel stuff, so it's good.
But Bobby's being like, oh, I'm Mr. Sober and I know everything, but he's also real.
No, but you've literally done them with me. Okay.
I don't think rats should get in trouble for having a little bit of cheese.
You're gaslighting me, dude. You're trying to get me resentful. Look, we know you're not high now.
My mistake. I thought I saw a little light.
There it is. Carlos? I think he wanted to show what a good comedian he was in front of his friends. Okay. Yeah.
It was just in a hotel room and there was like a closed barrier. Like when you walked into the left.
So she was like, go shower. And so I went and showered. Like I faked it a little bit.
Just shower. I don't want to double soap it. It's just too much. Sorry? Sorry.
But it's like... It's from vaping and a bunch of... But it's a lot.
What is it? What is it? What is it? I think it's because I don't eat enough.
Well, every morning I throw up blood and stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the hint. I had a lot of mints in Australia. I always had some on me.
I'm just lazy. Like how my car is keyed, I didn't fix it.
I did tell Jesse this, but I did brush my teeth with Sprite and Adelaide.
Yeah, yeah. I was too lazy to go to the bathroom.
But I can't smell like marijuana or anything like that.
No, because you're so strict on people about wearing jerseys and making them afraid of being posers that she should have just been able to wear without studying.
I can't tell. So I see him every day. You can totally tell. You need to take more. Oh, my God.
Yeah, it's a Mexican game. Ow! Mexican games hurt.
You can't seek love, it's gotta find you, Bob.
Ich dachte, du hast es verlost.
Without YouTube, you're not even famous in the last 10 years, Bobby.
Weil Mädchen das nicht lieben, wenn sie... Oh, fuck! Warum machst du das, anstatt im Chat zu bleiben?
You attacked Andreas on his birthday.
Oh, should I transition and get a uterus?
Yeah, I just didn't see Bobby on the bus ad, so I was concerned.
I was worried that something happened.
Okay, well, I didn't see her. You weren't being publicized.
Du hast es mir erzählt, ja.
Okay. Warte, ein Männer-Meeting?
You can make it your own commitment, though, if you want to give more.
You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
And I did it to be funny. We're friends.
Yeah, you don't hang out with a lot of people.
That has something to do with the high school, I think.
No, my dad's in the Hall of Fame at the military school I went to.
Oh, Bob, did you see you're at a sperm bank as an option for people to want their babies to look like you? What? Seriously? Yeah. You're under Bill Paxton. Young.
Yeah, I just found this gay Chinese guy. I thought you'd like him.
Yeah. We run into some Chinese people in Singapore.
You can do that like on a beach. You can lay.
Oh, Carlos, you can't go. No, we'll just go for one each.
10 Men's Club. That might be one you don't want to go to. Why?
Yeah, I'm the captain. No, that's projection.
like transfer the girl over to Herrera Carlos, obviously.
But I should know that place because I go to work there. I should know my way around.
Just hanging with my bros. No, no, no.
No, it has nothing to do with Andrew.
Because you're going to make fun of me in that moment. And I'm going to be prepared.
No, it's a night dream sometimes.
It's paralysis. I can't even get out of it.
Yeah. Wow. You didn't say hi to me or Andres for five minutes at Andrew's party. And then you made fun of us for having a conversation alone. I should be allowed to talk to Fancy. Okay. Okay. I understand. You don't understand.
No, what's real? No, no, no. That's bullshit. No, no, no. That's bullshit. So tell. Everyone in comedy, you've always been my homie. You and Andrew. I've always trusted you guys. Yeah, but. But what? But sometimes you have bully tactics.
Oh, that's. Not talking to me in fancy when you walk in, you only talk to the famous people. He was busy.
I know. He was about to say, I love you.
I'm sorry that I had those dark feelings about wanting to murder you. And I thought that in our final moment of me coming here and wanting to spread my wings, that you'd be proud.
And for you to even have. He yelled at me so many times.
I'm sensitive sometimes. No, you're not. I am. We got in a fight in Atlanta and you've hurt my feelings.
It was like a microphone not working in a previous show or something.
It's getting together. It's together. It's been together. We're going to go to Australia. You're going to eat at your fucking Michelin restaurants. You're going to see.
No, that's just me being passionate.
They're honestly the same if you add up the driveway and everything.
How is that an equation? That's included.
It was the same day because Gene had been dead a day when they found him.
Yeah, because the more famous you are on the show, the faster he'll come back here and hang, something he never does.
A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Do you have it physically or no?
We have to frame that and put that up in the studio. Look at Trump's signature. Trump signed it, wants you to come to the... Hold on. Wow. Because Barron likes me. Yeah, I think he watches... That's the same thing he did with Theo and all those guys.
What a team. What a team. Yeah. And by the way, the Sunday excuse, that's such a crock of shit. Yeah.
What the fuck are you talking about?
He loves both of those things.
What do you mean you can't go? You have to go. Do I really have to go? Do they fly you out? Yes. What the fuck are you talking about? Who do you think this is? Are you jealous? That you get to go to the White House? Yeah, man. What the fuck are you talking about? But if we both could go, would you go? If we both can go, would I go? Yeah, I want to go. So why can't you be my guest?
That's not a real thing. You don't get to just fucking say I'm bringing somebody. No plus ones. You can't go, hey, I'm bringing a friend. That's insane. Maybe if you were, can I be your wife? You're my Melania.
You're gonna kill it at dinner. You think so? Let's hear it, let's hear it. Will you be Trump? Wonderful to meet you, Bobby. What do you think, Bobby? What do you think of the White House? It's the whitest house I've ever had.
He's got a room there. Did Bill Maher get scorched for going? I don't think so. What do you mean? A little bit. Did he?
From the left. He is left.
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Why don't we do a bad friends viewing party of Brokeback? We have to do it. And invite all of our fans to come out to watch it with us.
Because... Winter's coming. Winter is coming. Winter even might be here. What's the best piece of money advice that you ever got, Bobby? Mine was save, save some, have some fun, but make sure you got a little something hidden away in the mattress. And now we're not doing mattresses anymore.
Bobby's a little bit older than me. He's been saving a little bit longer because he's smarter than me as well. I just recently started kind of actually putting away for the future. I don't have kids, okay? But I want to put away for my other loved ones. And you may want that too, whether you have kids or not.
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Acorns advertisers, LLC and SEC registered investment advertiser. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash badfriends. ZocDoc. Oh, oh. Oh, what? Flat feet. Oh, my flat. Oh, your shoulder. Oh, my shoulder. Oh, my shoulder is because of my flat feet. I need to go see a doctor. How do I go find one?
Oh, I know about ZocTalk, right? Because you can filter for doctors that take your insurance. They're located near you, right? That's right. And then also, they kind of have like an actual booking appointments. You can do it and instantly book. You click a visit right away, right? Yeah.
You think I can get an appointment from my neck?
Okay, good. And honestly, I need it really bad because I want someone that's in my neighborhood and I want real patient reviews. Did they do that?
Oh, God. Well, then can you tell me where do I go?
Is that Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bad friends? I'm not good at either, but I think you got it right. I think it's ZocDoc.com slash bad friends. Yep. Did you see that, it was like. Family that died in the Hudson, I can't stop thinking about it. No, dude. I can't stop thinking about this family that died in the Hudson. I don't know anything about it, so explain it to me.
I really don't know anything about it. I've just been watching the Chinese tariff stuff. Let me tell you something. No one knows enough about it. That's the scariest part. This helicopter broke in midair. The only thing we know is he was high up at Siemens, the technology company. Oh, no.
A New York City sightseeing helicopter broke apart and crashed into the Hudson River near New Jersey shoreline, killing the pilot and a Spanish family of five were on board. Pieces of the aircraft can be found, blah, blah, blah. How did it happen? Witnesses described seeing the helicopter's tail and main rotor break away, smoke pouring from the spinning chopper. It slammed into the water.
Victims were Austin Escobar. Uh-oh, that's a tough last name to have. His wife, Maria Cambrucci Montal, and the three children, Victor, Mercedes, Agustin, and Kia. An executive at Siemens was in the New York area on business. I mean, this is fucking insane. You don't find this crazy? You don't think this is conspiratorial? Oh, it's conspiracy. Do helicopters just break?
Is this a thing that happens?
Are they fishermen? Fishermen? What does that mean? Like a seaman. No, seamans. Like the phone company. You know, seamans. S-I-E-N-E. Electronics.
That was so dumb. No, do that at Trump's dinner.
Bobby, is this you here? There's a bunch of people on the internet saying that this might be you. Okay, let's see it. Zoom in a little bit more, please. I can't even do that. Try. I can't do that. Yes, you can.
Start it again so he can see it. That chick's ripping, by the way. Yeah. So many people thought it was you. 5,000 likes. Anybody else think this was Bobby Lee? I mean, it's 100% you.
I can't watch it. Would because of the social restriction behind it? You feel like you're not supposed to watch it? It's not you? Lisa Gilroy killed it on Black Mirror.
I'm really off today, dude. Or maybe it was his labrum. Whatever it was. He tore something. He's in an arm sling. Wow. Okay. Is he dying? He's on his way out. No, I'm saying you should wish him well.
Why don't you text him? Shoot him a text. Really? Brag. Brag. Be like, hey, sorry about your arm. I got invited to the White House.
Have you been to the White House? Say that. What an invite.
P.S. Yeah. Got invited to the White House.
I'm watching a third season of Netflix's autistic love show. What's it called? Love on the Spectrum. Love on the Spectrum.
Where did the email come from?
What did Abby say? Oh, Abby's on this email. Yeah, I know. I got the email from your assistant. Oh, look what it says. Sunday night. Got back to them. Thank you so much. Forward on.
Oh, my God. Look at this, Bob. What? Caroline Leavitt, White House press secretary. Oh, this is the original email.
That's what it says. That's who reaches out. You know who that is, right? Yeah, the press secretary. Yeah, wow. Nothing from you? I'm reaching out. I'm a little fucking annoyed. I want to go.
Without you. This actually might end the show. Why? Because it's... Without you, I don't go. You're obviously a superstar. You've left me in the dust. Jesus Christ. Cone is nodding, and that's true. You've left me in the dust. You're doing your own thing. It's fine. You mentioned Theo. You mentioned Theo right away. The first thing you said was because of Theo. Your best buddy.
Your closest confidant. You're in Why Can't You See Me Part 8. With the magic. That's good. Maybe they'll give me a shitty trophy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is this what we're going to do? Right? It'll actually be a good movie.
I got to call my agent. Anyway. God, we're in a lot of bad movies, eh? Yeah, you know. We're dead. Oh, we're dead in the business. We're dead in the business.
And our animated show we just did an animatic for and it's going to come out. They gave us the news. It's going to come out in 2028. That's a while. Right around the corner. Yeah. It's actually, no joke, it's 2027. That's literally when the show is going to come out. When they said that, I almost was like, I can't even believe that's a thing.
But you know what? That's a thing. It's an opportunity. I'm happy.
I'm excited for your episode. Are you on the third or fourth season?
Oh, I know what happened. What? You like saw one of those David Foster Wallace things and now you're fucking hung on like this is water. I know what's going on. Everybody goes through this. You're having like a David Foster Wallace moment where you're like two fish are swimming in the ocean and one is like. What's water? It's like, you're in it, man.
Do you know what I'm referring to, Foster Wallace? Like every college kid reads this book. Yeah. It's actually beautiful. Well, tell me some of the concepts and I'll agree with that. Infinite jest. But there's a, look up David Foster Wallace, this is water. Look up this is water. It's actually beautiful.
But you're on this kick and I really, I shouldn't shit on it, I love you. But it's incredible. This Is Water is amazing. Okay.
I have. Infinite Jest, pretty amazing. This Is Water. Just give me the gist of the book. The idea is this. Yeah. Oh, this is it. There it is. There are these two young fish swimming along. They happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Okay.
I don't know. Okay. I got to visualize it. Close your eyes. Close your eyes.
One is a carp, and the other one is a... What are those fucking Nemo ones or whatever? Goldfish. No, the one with the clownfish. Clownfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two baby clownfish are swimming alone. And a great white's going. And they happen to meet. A great white's going the other way. Going the other way. Okay. Who nods at them and says, morning boys, how's the water? That's not what he sounds like. It's a great white. Morning boys. Yeah, that's what it goes. How's the water? Exactly. And the two young fish, the two young clownfish, they swim for a bit.
And eventually one of them looks at the other one and goes, what the hell is water? In this moment, you're worried I plan to present myself as the wise old fish explaining what water is to young fish. Please don't be. I'm not the old wise fish.
The immediate point of the fish story is that the most obvious, ubiquitous, important realities are often the ones that we are hardest to see and talk about. What it is is we're not taking stuff for granted. What it says on your phone is what this is. What?
You know, I'm not good with riddles either, so I don't know. This is it. This is water. When someone, you'll look back in 20 years, 10 maybe, I don't know how long you're going to make it, but 20. You know what? That kind of talk, when I'm going to the White House by myself, I knew it.
Connor, come on this show if you're a fan.
Thank you. You won't be dead in 10 years. Thank you. Anyway. With you and me, two young fish are swimming along in the ocean. One takes a giant shit. And a beautiful female fish comes by. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Yeah. All right, listen. Okay. You're, this is it. This is it. I'm being in all genuine respect because I love you and I respect you. Because a lot of times you go, you go.
You're in the moment. You're living in the moment.
No. Okay, I get it. Okay.
What, he got peanut butter in your mouth? What are you doing?
Bruce Lee died from PBJ?
I don't know. But I'm happy that you're on this new kick. What made you do this? Therapy got you to this? This is it? Yes, Bruce Lee incorporated peanut butter into his diet, particularly as a component of protein. I didn't have to look it up. Bruce Lee was highly against jelly, however. Yeah.
I wanted to tell you that.
My son, Baron, said you're a wonderful, funny guy. I think you're a very funny guy. I love Mad TV. I love Mad TV. Wow. I love Mad TV. What I don't like about Mad TV is they had a lot of DEI. I didn't like the DEI.
No, he'd go, and I won, didn't I? I won. I'd go, yes, sir.
If it ruins it, I'm going to be pissed off, dude. Well, you're always pissed off at me. It's my nightly watch. It's my favorite thing to watch at night. I burned through it. I'm saving it. Do you know what's so funny?
That's incredible though.
You do feel this way that you're getting to a place where you're accepting. I feel great. You feel really good. I feel so good. And I appreciate that. I thank you. I thank you more. I'd like, I'd like you to take me to the white house.
Just take me to the White House.
All right. Thank you for saying that. Anyway. It's very nice. Stop this. Let's move on. Can I tell you something right now? Yeah. Speaking of bad friends fans, what are you doing? You're reading texts from your agents and stuff? What do they say? I want to just look. What do they say? It's from somebody. Let's move on. Is it from a friend? Yeah. What did they say?
No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about plans? I'm excited to go to London and Dublin. I'm actually so excited to go do these shows. I miss doing shows, bad friend shows.
You know when you get something from your mom when you're a kid and it's sweet and delicious and you're like, I want to savor this and I take little tiny bites because I know I want to eat the whole thing fast.
We got to go earlier then. No, no, no. What's going to happen is, yeah, we'll go early to London. And then when we go to Dublin the next day, we can stay in Dublin a little while.
That's where your people come from. And there's more Scots and English that are Irish than... But you're Italian.
Well, when two people love each other very much, and they come from two different places, my mother's Irish, my dad's Italian. That's not hard math. Oh, so you're half. Your mom is Korean and your dad is- Sorry, your dad is Korean and your mom is... That's it. Sorry, yeah. I got it confused. Yeah.
I've had no sleep in so long. By the way, on this tour that I was just on, these like 12 days I was gone, I don't think I got one night of good sleep. And by the way, in Miami, Miami is... It's too much. It's fucking too much. There's every night someone's like, hey, come to this thing, come to this thing. And I can't say no because I feel like I'm supposed to. It's part of the job.
I'm supposed to go out with these people.
No, didn't we pay for Lauderdale? Hollywood. Oh, we did. We did. But that's up north. That's different.
Miami Beach, it's just insane.
Oh, yeah. We had a dinner at Nobu. Yeah, it was nice. It was nice, yeah. Did he fly you out on a jet? No, but first class, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I know. You asked him as if he was on the plane with you.
I didn't know that. Yeah, he went.
No, I like his work. I don't know him. I like him. I like his sweet face.
Well, don't you have to do that before they suck into your mouth if you don't do it, right? Don't they suck into your mouth when you're eating them? We have our own styles of doing it. You do.
I remember that. It's like three guys and a girl in a pizza place or whatever. Hot dog on a stick. Uh-oh, hot dog on a stick.
That's really good. Honestly? Yeah. Why did you lose contact with Charlie Finn? He moved. You can't call him? No, we talk to each other. I'm trying to get him to do stand-up.
By the way, Cubs took two out of three from the Dodgers. I was at the game last night, 16 to nothing.
I thought of you the other day at sushi. The chef looked exactly like you. I'm not even kidding. He looked exactly like you and I kept looking at him thinking, I miss Bob.
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I do. I missed you so much while I was gone so long.
Spring has sprung, and I am sprung up. I know you are. I love when you get spring. I get sprung. Yeah, yeah.
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I don't get it. What is that? You're gay. I'm gay? Can I finish my... Can I finish my thing? Oh, Abby the Gay Nightclub? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't worked there for years.
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I don't know about it. We're on bad friends.
White heads are better than black heads.
When did she check her email?
That was me hanging upside down.
Bro, you said that to some, why did you say that? What did she say? What did she say? Can I come?
That's such a funny text message you get. It's not real. I was tricked by my employees. You think Bezos writes that ever? It's not real. Attention, Amazon workers. It's not real. You guys are evil little demons, dude. Who came up with that? Carlos, dude, he took the credit. Who forged it? You did. Did you guys have anything to do with it? Nothing.
You're not seeing her. It's a good joke. She probably thinks it's funny. Yeah, you're welcome. You think she thinks that's fucked up? That's funny.
See, I told you. I got you a laugh.
This is me setting a boundary. I don't want to hear it if it's going to ruin the season.
Can I be honest with you?
It's not you. You're my best friend. Well, no, I'm not a part of it. But honestly, it's kind of funny. It's very funny. Yeah, it's pretty funny.
Has he ever deceived you before?
The Air One Sink Water. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But what, Bill Maher ate at the White House? That's real?
Oh, he was saying he was a nice guy?
I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure. Just like everybody you meet. Yeah. Like, hey man, pull my finger, you know, all that kind of stuff. You use you and pull my finger stuff? I don't know. He will be cushioning somebody in the fucking White House?
Yeah, yeah. No way. It makes it look like a fool. You know what I mean?
We all fall. Do you have a date with this person coming up again?
No way. Because I'm a loser.
No, but what is interesting, the way you reacted, it was a good test.
Gloating. Gloaty, yeah. Very self-indulgent.
Yeah, well, because I was like, man, I want to go. And you're like, you don't get invited to stuff like this. I'm more cultured. I'm more worldly. Yeah.
You brought up Theo very quick. And that's fine, dude. Dude.
Show them your penis. That's exactly what it is.
When you mix red and yellow, you get the color orange. You get me.
Man, we are really like tied. We're tied together, yeah. We're tied deep.
The one kid that puts on headphones and listens to white noise on the dates, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. He's like, I'd like to listen to white noise instead of her. It's so great.
Oh, my God. That would answer like a serial killer.
Look. Okay. Wow. Well, that's cool. She had to hold her breath. Yeah.
right there they like disconnected her life so she could Jesus that's terrible Carlos that's awful that's awful dude I don't think that's the right one you find some really dark shit give me another yeah give me another one oh you could put your finger in it oh god dude dude your mind right now dude you're gross you're gross dude you could put your finger in her neck that's insane that is an insane video alright let's see what else can I say something real fast about this before we move on
Look, I'm not laughing at this young lady. This is not a comedy video. It's not funny. It's not funny. No, it's not funny. And let me say something else, conversely. Yeah. Why are they putting that on the internet? If you want to share that with your family and friends, that's fine. Yeah. This is a private moment.
If you married a famous girl or a model that you wanted, you would 100% sell it so everyone would see it. See this baby? See your marriage and your wedding. Oh, I see. You know, people sell weddings to People magazine. You would do that 100% of it. Like this person that you're seeing now? Yeah. You would tell the press. No, I'm going to keep it private.
Anyway... We'll put her Instagram link right below here. Click here to see her. Shut up, dude. Of course not. That's insane. Okay. I don't like that video.
Who's that? Shout out to Rory McIlroy for winning the Masters. I did think Justin Rose was going to come back and win it, but he didn't. Northern Irish, though. Different side. That's upstairs, dude. We're downstairs, people.
What turned this guy into such a magician in such an important moment?
Why are you laughing? I don't understand.
No, that's, oh my. Let me see, go through some photos. She looks, what's the issue?
Look at wags, just what wags look like. These are wags. Yeah, yeah. These are the wives and girlfriends of soccer players. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're usually like a certain type.
That's the Dodgers. That's for Shohei Otani. Oh, yeah. He's great. I was at the Dodger game last night. We beat him 16 to nothing, took the series. And I will say something. Yeah. The amount of baseball fans, Japanese and Asian fans, he's brought is worth the half a billion they gave him. Oh, yeah. Easily. Easily. He's brought so much fucking money to this team. Look at these.
Dude, these stands are filled with people that are first-time goers. Dude, sometimes they fly here from Japan to go to the fucking game.
Sticky buns. Yeah. She's happy. Okay. I mean, honestly, though, dude, he brought the fan. Like, there was a row of people in front of us that, you know, I could hear. They didn't speak English, and they were there for Shohei. Wow. I mean, it's unbelievable. It's incredible. He just really, like, draws up. He's also a specimen. Look up his fucking chart. You know who Shohei Itani is?
He's a god. He's got to be 6'6". How much does he weigh? Go to his stats. Dude, this guy is superhuman. 209 pounds. How tall is he? 6'4". 6'4". Wow. You've never seen a Japanese guy that big. What's his wife look like? Does she have a wag? Choy Otani's wife is Mamilio Tanaka. Oh, she's an athlete. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. She's a pro basketball player. She's a wag. Zoom in on that.
She's wagging, dude. Okay, so. I'm gonna use this term a lot, wag. Wag, yeah, wag's a good one. Wives and girlfriends. I love your wag. Wives and girlfriends. That's right. But it's of athletes. That's right. We don't get wags, man. You're a golfer. We get wags.
yeah maybe have you been playing dude if you beat me in ping pong I'm gonna kill myself let's do a bad friends ping pong challenge and let's seriously I'm serious let's get a table Bobby will win cause I beat you pretty bad at ping pong and Bobby's good when did you beat me at ping pong in Mexico I was fucked up he was drunk I was fucked up you didn't beat me sober beat me sober and you were sober
You didn't drink. Interesting. And you see how he got a little chippy right there? That's an interesting little move, kid.
Okay. Carlos, look into the camera and say, thank you for being a bad friend, and I might not be here next week.
I can hear him in my mind going, wow, that was the greatest kiss I've ever had. I love him. He's so emotional. He went into convulsions. Well, yeah.
What was she working? The fry?
Front desk like it's a fucking hotel?
There's a concierge at McDonald's?
I don't know, she's doing some sort of thing. That's street justice. If she ghosted you, you get a laugh. You're allowed one laugh.
That's gay. Zesty means gay.
No, but zesty in young talk is gay.
All right, so that's fucked up, what you just said. Yes, I require a lot outside. Zesty typically means having a lively spirit and pleasing character offered for- Look at me, dude. Look at me, a lot lively. Hello. It's often context to suggest a person's behavior is effeminate or flamboyantly gay. Oh, can you be metrosexual? That term is gone now. No one uses that anymore. I'm in Casablanca.
Hello, my dude. You're being real zesty right now.
No, that's not. You sound like you're trying to sound like a white guy. Yeah, yeah. Hello. More Asian? Yeah, more Asian. Be a smooth Asian.
Could have never done that. Okay. Here's looking at you, kid. You be suave. By the way, he's smoking a cigarette, squatting down when she gets... All right, guy. First of all, it's not, it's opium.
Yeah. Here's a looking at, wait, zoom into that one. That's the one. Zoom in. Yeah. You be, you be 1950s. If that brain leaves and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. That's fucked up, dude. But soon. And for the rest of your life. Dude, why can't we remake these in Asian characters? So funny. Okay. You're trying to be zesty, dude. Don't do it.
You are who you are. Can you try to be 1950s? I'll be like, hello. Hey, kid.
Why don't you take off that girdle and let me take it for a spin? Oh, that's how easy it is. You go direct. Wow, they were rude. They said whatever they felt back then. You don't go, would you like something to drink?
No, no, no. Too much? Too much. What? You don't chain him up. Why? You just tell him what to do.
I've made too far. Yeah.
By the way, I want this as a shirt for him and I. Okay. Bobby, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I want that on a shirt for us. These two guys? That's the end of the movie, man. I never saw it. You know now. Yeah, yeah. That's funny that you are such a cinephile. The fact that you haven't seen that blows my mind. Yeah, I should see it. Because you're a diehard cinephile.
In fact, someone else said that to me. They go, Rosebud. I've seen that. Someone goes, what's Bobby's secret superpower? And I said, his knowledge of cinema is way deeper than almost anybody of our friend circle knows. I don't think many people know how deep it really goes. We joke on the show a little bit, but you really do know a fuckload about movies. You do too, I think. No, dude.
I'm nowhere near you. You're so niche. You've got all the niche shit like laid in really well.
Fancy tries to compete because of all that film school nonsense.
You were learned. Yeah, yeah.
And I was just like... This can't be true, dude, because I rented Jerry Maguire from Blockbuster and the sex scene at the beginning I used to jerk off to all the time. No, I mean really deep ones. Like, did they... Am I right or no? There was a rumor regarding edits of the films from Blockbuster rental at their stores. That's not true.
Well, I'm sure they did other rated versions for sale. Maybe that's what it was. For sure.
Do you want to give him his gift by now? Blockbuster was known to request and sometimes demand edits to films in order to stock them, particularly in the 90s. Practice is often tied to conservative ideologies. Oh, so it did happen. Yeah, there we go. But it's at the request of the store. Yeah, that's exactly right. Somebody edited it. In San Diego then.
So we didn't have... I never heard of that. Yeah, yeah. It was completely edited. San Diego is not a Mormon area, right, though? It's very conservative. Very Christian conservative. Yeah, yeah.
The trophy should have just been a bomb. It's beautiful. A big bomb.
Bobby Lee, Mr. Dear Mr. Lee, as you probably saw, Bill Maher was just at the White House for dinner with myself, Bob Kidrock and Dana. Many people love that he came and had dinner with me and had nothing but amazing to tell the people he had a wonderful time. I hope you call and ask him.
I spoke to my son Baron this weekend, who I'm sure you know, and he recommended you so highly that I had to have us reach out immediately. You come very highly recommended, Mr. Lee. So we would like to invite you to the White House for dinner. Shut the fuck up. In the state dining room this Wednesday.
I very strongly believe you'll see that. If this wasn't your tricks, I swear to God, I will lose my mind, dude. Dude, this is crazy. Is this another donut? No, look. It's from Matt. It's from your agent. I got the email.
You can't go. We're recording that day.
You and I have to go. No, we're shooting. We're doing the voiceover that day. What is it?
What the fuck does that mean? We're working.
Does he? Yeah, he goes, hi, Raul. I go, hi, Raul.
He probably just talked to him privately.