Caroline Foran

It was also COVID.

So I probably thought that that was more to do with it.

So we were both obviously very isolated.

I was on my own in the hospital.

It was a very...

a very bumpy start.

But even as we settled into it, just his nature was he wasn't happy up, down, in, out.

Like I couldn't, he couldn't sleep without me, but he actually couldn't sleep in the bed with me.

And, you know, it was just nothing was easy.

The images you're sold of motherhood of like, you know, you go for the brunch and the baby's there in the thing and they might be cooing.

I never sat down with him ever and had a conversation with someone.

I'd have to be moving constantly.

Or if we were out for a walk,

It was like we always joked about that movie Speed, where like if the buggy went below a certain miles, kilometers per hour, he'd wake up and be like, what?

So if we were going to go stop for a coffee, one of us would go and get the coffee, the other one would just keep doing laps in case we woke up because then we'd be paying for it.

So it was really, really hard.

And for the longest time, I just thought, God, I'm finding this harder than I should be.

This is what everyone's dealing with.

People would say to me, you know, this is what kids are like.

So I really turned against myself in all of that.