Charles Duhigg

Now, that being said, I want you to know, some of the people in this movement are nuts, right?

And I totally understand that in cases of rape, this is a complicated question.

We have to get into the details.

At that point, what this person has said is, some of the criticisms in your head about my side

Some of them are legitimate.

And I'm not saying I necessarily agree with them, but I'm agreeing that a conversation is warranted.

At that point, you trust that person so much more.

You're willing to listen to them so much more.

And I mentioned this thing, proving you are listening.

The other tactic that works really, really well, and this happens in conversations, is simply repeating what the person told you and asking you if you got it right.

Saying like, okay, here's what I hear you saying.

Tim, you believe X and Y and Z. Am I hearing you correctly?

When I do that, you can either say, no, you didn't understand me.

Or you say, yeah, I think you got what I'm trying to argue.

And then I say, I don't agree with everything you said, but I think what you said has integrity to it.

Let me tell you how I think about this now.

If I prove to you that I am listening to you, you become something like 14 times more likely to listen to me in return.

So that's, I think going on a Piers Morgan show is fantastic.

And I think particularly if you go on the show and you say, Piers, those guys on the other side, they're a little bit nuts, but they said two things that actually I think are right.

But let me explain to you why the rest of it's wrong.