Charles Duhigg

It works every single time.

Because what I'm really doing there is I'm saying, this has to be a quid pro quo.

I'm doing all the work and you aren't.

And if they don't respond to it, then you can walk away from the conversation, right?

You know that this conversation is going nowhere.

There's all these stories of Joe Biden telling like the same story over and over and over again to a group of reporters.

And the stories are good.

They're real stories.

I'm sure that Biden means them.

But the fact that he's not paying any attention to who's in front of him, he's not asking for their feedback in the slightest about whether they have already heard the story, whether they want to hear it again.

That's what makes him seem inauthentic.

That's what really turns reporters against him.

I know, I know, but that's okay because that's authentic.

If you stop and you say like, wait, have I already told you this story?

Like it actually shows that other person, like I care about you in this conversation.

So this has actually been studied a lot.

In a polarized setting, how do we represent our side?

And what researchers have found is that the number one thing that gets other people ready to listen to you

is to acknowledge the weaknesses on your side.

So think for a moment, if you're talking to someone who's pro-life, and they start the conversation by saying, look, I believe abortion is murder.