Charles Duhigg
speaker
1,650 appearances
6 recordings
6 series
first heard Jan 2026
last heard 1 Jul
Charles Duhigg’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 6 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 2.
Appearances
I use it with my wife all the time, which is, first of all, you should ask a question, right?
And some questions are more powerful than other questions, and we can talk about those.
The second step is that you should repeat back what the person just said in your own words.
And the reason we do this is to prove to them that we're listening, because often, particularly when we're in a conflict, particularly when we're discussing something difficult.
we don't know if the other person is actually listening or just waiting their turn to talk and so when they repeat back what we just said it makes us feel heard it proves to us that they've they've heard us and then the third step and this is the one most people forget is ask if you got it right because when you do that what you're doing is you're giving the other person permission to tell you if there's something that you didn't pick up on
And what we know is that if you use this technique, and my guess is that your friend did this very, very gracefully, so gracefully you probably didn't even notice he was doing it.
But that when he does that, what happens is, and this is hardwired into our brains, we feel closer and more trusting of the other person.
And because we believe that they have listened to us, we become more likely to listen to them.
So there's more to it than that.
That's absolutely right.
So looping for understanding is one skill that super communicators seem to possess and use on a regular basis.
Another, as I mentioned, is that they tend to ask special questions.
And these questions don't necessarily seem special, but they're known as deep questions within psychology.
And a deep question is just something that asks us about our values, our beliefs, or our experiences.
And it can be pretty easy to ask.
A deep question doesn't necessarily seem deep.
So for instance, if I bumped into you on the street and I said, what do you do for a living?
And you say, oh, I'm a lawyer.
I might say, oh, wow.
Did you love practicing the law?
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