Chris Balme

speaker

238 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Mar 2023 last heard Mar 2023

Chris Balme’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 321: Chris Balme on How Parents Can Navigate the Tricky Middle School Years · 7 Mar 2023 podcast

So the intensity is up there.

Yeah.

So first thing is to to not worry if they seem to be going through a conformist stage, you know, as we were saying, for a shorter time, because that's absolutely normal.

But if it seems like it's been a year or more and they're still trying to become a twin of someone else or a group, I I think there are two things.

One is about what we model as adults.

And one of the things I love about parenting at this age is it's an invitation to be weird.

Because they're weird and they need to see our authenticity to feel a sense of permission to be themselves.

So, first and foremost, to maybe take a step beyond what you've shared with them before about your own life, your passions, your hobbies, your unfinished parts.

We all have lots of those.

Then the second is about how can we tilt the playing field toward belonging in their social life.

So part of that is about school environment.

If school is a place where there's a lot of social conflict or toxicity, clicks or bullying, then it might be about finding other places, after school places, summer camps.

Some of that depends on on privilege, but where there's an opportunity to help them find it doesn't have to be a big group, but one consistent friend meets the need for belonging.

A small group even better.

Yes, that is a really hard one.

As if you go in with a I don't want you hanging out with that kid, we all know what's gonna happen in response.

And it is their job to individuate it and find themselves beyond their family.

So that that resistance is also developmentally normal.

I think what it means is that we can't just ban someone.

Instead we have to find other peer groups that they want to be in and let that draw energy.

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