Dave Trolley
speaker
801 appearances
13 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard May 2025
Dave Trolley’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I was at that... What's that jazz bar in... This is... I don't think I've ever told anybody this. You do it at a jazz bar. No, I had a shit real bad one night. Dude. We were out drinking. We left. I think we left. This is a Philly days. We left Raven. Hey, man, what's the scene like in there? I had a shit. I think I paid five. I thought I never told you I paid a $5 cover to get in there.
I'm a real cool cat and I'm jammed up. I got a Jeff cap on backwards. Just looking for a quick fix, man. I think I had to pay a cover to get in there. To deuce it out? To deuce. And that's a bad bathroom, too. But I'm pretty sure a guy was jerking off in there before I went in there. Why? Because he was jerking off in there. That's why I'm pretty sure. Because I was jerking him off.
He's not going to finish himself. I had to get in there. The guy was conducting a lewd sex act on himself. What, and you think it got on the lip? I don't know. I had a shit in there right. It was either that or shit in my pants. And I was pretty drunk, and I was enough to get over the man. The guy was just wailing on himself in here. I think I might even open the door on him.
I was like, we got an emergency out here, pal. You got to fucking put that thing in my mouth. I'll wrap this up real quick. You need to put that trumpet away and head on out to the lobby.
That's not what my girlfriend told me. Jesus. It's just scary when it hits. No, I know what you're talking about. How many other wieners you've kissed like that? Yeah. That's a lot. You start licking it. I also have gotten the water. Oh, yeah. Self bidet. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't mind. Really? Depends. That ain't good. It's usually after something bad just dropped.
I'm not proud of it, but yeah, that happens. Listen, this isn't fucking toilet talk time with Kip and Foley, all right? You brought it up. Fucking clean it up. Great question, though. Kip, factor, factor, give me the news. I got a chicken bowl waiting in the fridge. For you. That's right, baby. Gang, we love factor meals around here at Tootie's. Our absolute favorite.
which we were getting them before they were even a sponsor. I'm a bit of a trendsetter. Sure. I was talking about them before they were even a sponsor, which makes me think I gave them the kippy bump. You know what I mean? The boost of confidence they needed. Gang, if you're not familiar with Factor, which you should be, is the number one ready-to-eat meal kit in the United States. Yes.
Pop them in the microwave. They're ready in two minutes. They're hot. They're delicious. They're nutritious. They are fantastic. And they don't got all that junk in them. No. You know what I mean? Talk about clean eating here. Yeah. Factor lets you do you. You can choose from six menu preferences that help you manage calories, maximize protein intake, avoid meat, or simply just well-balanced.
Yeah. Because Factor meals are chef-prepared and dietician-approved, you're not only going to love how Factor's meals taste, but also how they support your goals. They're easy-peasy. I go on the keto low-cal type deal on that shredded chicken taco bar. I mean, that's better than Thanksgiving dinner. Do yourself a favor. Chicken and gravy. Blow your hair back.
All right, let's see here. This one's from Time is a Flatbread Circle. Home run of a name. $10 shareholder. Is it trashy to eat lunch at your desk in your office? I don't leave for lunch, so I just shut my door, watch stuff on my phone, and then eat, and then I open it back up when I'm done. No, I think that's the classiest of all movies. That's the guy getting shit done.
Yeah, I think that's probably very specific depending on your inter-office politics being from the time I've worked in an office. What are the options? You've never eaten lunch at the office you've worked at in the break room like they do on the office. You're not sitting around with the other people eating lunch. No, they hated me for it. They always made comments.
You don't, you never, I don't know. I would go out and catch heaters. Three or four heaters. Let's be honest. You didn't want them to see what you were doing. Well, no, that was for, like, brought lunch. Yeah. I'm not going to, like, go all the way downstairs, get a chicken parm, which I did. Man, this place on 59th and Park. And a slice of Sicilian and walk back up.
Because then there'd be more questions than answers. No, this place fucking, this place at 59th and Park. It was in the floor of the building I worked, like, on the ground floor of the building I worked in. Man, they made these pre-wrapped chicken parms with real mozzarella, like, unheated. Like, they assembled it and then threw it in the oven.
Man, and they knew every time I came in, Kippy was getting. They were little bangers. They were probably, like, eight inches. You know what I mean? Man, call it a day. You picking sesame seeds out of your. Now, I would walk out, boom, heater. Right off the rip, boom, heater. Pop in there, order. By the time I'm ordering and I'm eating, seven minutes, I'm gone. I'm out back catching heaters.
And I would get an hour break, but I would only take a half hour, which I wasn't sure was okay with corporate policy, but I flew by my own rules. Would you cut out a half hour early? Fuck yeah, I would. Fuck yeah, I would. Well, even at 3.30, like the high school kids. Uh-huh, later. Kind of catching the bus. I got football practice. Everybody worked till like 3, 4, or 5. I worked till 6.
They let me work 10 to 6. Wait, everybody worked what? Everybody would go in at like 7. They all had like lives and stuff. Sure. So they're like, I need to get home by 3. My kids get home. And I'm like, fuck that. You have nobody waiting for you. And this place clears out about 4.15. So Kippy's chilling for the last 90 minutes of the day. You know.
But I think if you sit in your office and you have your lunch, I think that's the respectable move. That seems pretty. But a lot of interoffice. You close it. Clothes for business. Give me my time. But a lot of people think that's a lot of interoffice politics. That could be weird. Fuck them. I agree. Fucking sitting in there next to the vending machine with fucking Dwight and the other guy.
Get the fuck out of here. Will they, won't they? Who knows? Get out of here. No, I agree. You're not intruding on anybody. You can eat your own smelly food if you want. You can have the fucking four-day-old meatballs. I respect that.
Well, then I'm done buying your fucking lunch. Bastard. Guys, my doors clip was like, you know, be back in 15 or whatever. I saw Tucci do that the other day. Do not disturb. Tucci. He was working on something. I guess he was on set filming something, and he did a little quick video. He was like, I'm back in my trailer. I'm having a little fucking venison bolognese in my trailer. Ooh.
That's got to be K-Putz. Smells like roadkill. Fucking marinara sauce. Tucci, though. Sure. Might get all that cologne on him. All right. But rather than eat with the rest of the people that he's working with, he takes an hour. Sometimes you need a minute. It's too cheap. I get that. You're a fucking day player or whatever. You know what I mean?
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