David Kessler

I have a disloyalty checklist I walk people through.

What's a disloyalty checklist?

It's literally things like you said.

Here's a disloyalty checklist.

You find yourself laughing, having fun, feeling guilty for making a big decision, trying something new, doing something for yourself, making a new friend.

Like people feel disloyal about these things.

saying goodbye to the person's clothes, accepting an invitation, changing something about yourself or where you lived, changing something about the trips you take, skipping a tradition, moving, forgetting a birthday.

There's a million little disloyal moments.

And they interrupt the pure grief because we think it's about disloyalty.

And the truth is, disloyalty doesn't live in the heart.

It lives in the mind.

And if we can release that and go, I'll tell you something that was one of my disloyalties.

I had to cancel a lot of lectures after my son died.

I had to then go back and pick them up months later and didn't know how I would do that.

We sent out the same brochure that was originally sent, new dates, blah, blah, blah.

And people wrote in and said, he's smiling.

I happen to know his son died and you send me a brochure with him smiling.

And I had to go, oh my gosh.

I get that's an old picture, but should I not smile?

Does that look bad?