David Lucas

Oh, yeah, I just graduated high school about a year ago today, and I found out on the news that my old high school teacher, he got arrested for trading A's in exchange for sex, which wasn't news to me because I was a straight-A student back in high school.

He taught me a valuable lesson, though.

One lesson he taught me was that sometimes in life, you got to give head to get ahead, you know?

High school was weird for me.

I went to high school during the era of school shootings, you know?

And my school came up with a program to prevent school shootings.

My school came up with a program where we'd be nice to the kid who we thought was most likely to shoot up the school, you know?

Which benefited me because it made me Mr. Popular back in high school.

I don't know why I was going to shoot up the school.

I was too busy sucking my teacher off, you know?

I drank a bunch of beer at the hotel room.

Okay.

Today?

Is that today?

Yeah.

No, it's too expensive.

Okay.

It's like 20 bucks for two drinks.

Well, where did you get the four beers at your hotel room?

I bought a 12-pack, but I split it between my friends.