David Sedaris

I don't necessarily act on them, but my brother said a couple of weeks ago, I saw my brother and we were talking about cleaning.

And he said, man, you got to be, you know, I got to be mad to clean.

And whenever I start cleaning, I go back to my grudge drawer and I pull something out.

And it just fuels me when I clean.

It's like feeding the steam engine while I clean.

And then I finish and I'm fine.

What's your oldest grudge right now?

Mrs. Arsenu, 1968.

What'd she do?

Ice cream creations.

After a christening, we went to ice cream creations, people from the church, Greek Orthodox Church in Raleigh, North Carolina.

And I was sitting there with my mom, having a lovely time.

And Mrs. Arseneau came and said, you go over there and sit with the boys.

No 12-year-old boy should be sitting with his mother.

And I was having such a nice time with my mother.

And I thought, what business is it of yours where I sit?

Do you know what I mean?

Like my mother wasn't complaining about having me there.

And my mother's dead.

And I think she robbed me.