David Sedaris

We just wanted the right to do it.

Did you and your sisters make a childhood pact to never get married?

Is that how this all started?

I made my sisters sign a contract that I drew up.

I drew up contracts all the time when I was a kid.

Like what kinds?

Like a contract, like one time I bought, my sisters Amy and Tiffany had a much bigger bedroom than I did at the time.

And it was quieter.

I mean, there were two of them, so it made sense the room was a lot bigger.

So I drew up a contract and I bought their bedroom for $1.

And then my mother came down as I was moving their furniture into my teeny tiny bedroom.

And she ripped the contract off.

My sister Amy was saying a while ago, she said, I wish I had saved all the contracts you made me sign.

And I made them sign a contract swearing they'd never get married.

But I didn't want to lose them.

You know, like, I was just afraid.

Because I didn't have a word for what I was at that time.

But I just knew that there was something different about, you know, I wasn't like the other boys, you know.

And I just thought, well, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

And I want my sisters to be with me.