David Sedaris

I couldn't bear the thought of being alone without them.

So I got them to sign contracts, swearing they'd never get married.

But only Amy and Gretchen.

Like the other ones, I thought, well, okay.

I mean, I'll see them on holidays or whatever.

And neither Amy nor Gretchen got married.

So they have abided by the contract while you have ripped it up in front of them.

I didn't sign a contract to stay single.

I just made them.

Yeah.

I guess you could call it brotherly love, but that's amazing.

But I had said in that piece that they were, you know, I thought of them as spinsters, you know, my sisters.

And did they like that term?

Well, they didn't mind it because they have good senses of humor, but then I found out you're only a spinster up until the age of 25.

After that, you're called a thornback.

Well, that's just not right.

And a thornback is a bottom-feeding, skate-like fish.

No.

And, you know, I read something about that on stage, and a woman came, a British woman, and said, I'm actually the one who...

She repopularized that term.