David Sedaris

Or it could be a woman dressed in a pilot's uniform to stand at the front of the plane at the beginning of every flight and say, we'll be flying over. And then all the people who get off the plane immediately would be the right people. And then we could just take off. They would be the right people. Just hire people with Down syndrome to pretend they were the pilots. Yeah.

It bothered me when people took that and said, well, you're just being ageist. And it's like, no, there are people his age who are vital. He's not vital. And you would just be on the edge of your seat. It's like having your kid in the school play. He's so afraid they're going to fuck up every time he opened his mouth. It was just anxiety.

It bothered me when people took that and said, well, you're just being ageist. And it's like, no, there are people his age who are vital. He's not vital. And you would just be on the edge of your seat. It's like having your kid in the school play. He's so afraid they're going to fuck up every time he opened his mouth. It was just anxiety.

It bothered me when people took that and said, well, you're just being ageist. And it's like, no, there are people his age who are vital. He's not vital. And you would just be on the edge of your seat. It's like having your kid in the school play. He's so afraid they're going to fuck up every time he opened his mouth. It was just anxiety.

I never heard of that.

I never heard of that.

I never heard of that.

I was in the Philippines a couple of years ago and I was on a television show called Wow Wow Weed. Like they invited me to be on this show. People there are so desperately poor and people would wait in line for days to get in to give the host money. So he gets a fistful of money and he says, I've got $100 here for the craziest dancer.

I was in the Philippines a couple of years ago and I was on a television show called Wow Wow Weed. Like they invited me to be on this show. People there are so desperately poor and people would wait in line for days to get in to give the host money. So he gets a fistful of money and he says, I've got $100 here for the craziest dancer.

I was in the Philippines a couple of years ago and I was on a television show called Wow Wow Weed. Like they invited me to be on this show. People there are so desperately poor and people would wait in line for days to get in to give the host money. So he gets a fistful of money and he says, I've got $100 here for the craziest dancer.

And then there'll be like people in their 80s like break dancing, really humiliating themselves in order to get the money. And it was like, I didn't know the show was going to be like this. Yeah.

And then there'll be like people in their 80s like break dancing, really humiliating themselves in order to get the money. And it was like, I didn't know the show was going to be like this. Yeah.

And then there'll be like people in their 80s like break dancing, really humiliating themselves in order to get the money. And it was like, I didn't know the show was going to be like this. Yeah.

I was just brought on and then I gave money to the host to give away. And then I saw what was happening and it was like bum fighting. Yeah, it is a version of that. That seems like it would be in the Bible under things not to do.

I was just brought on and then I gave money to the host to give away. And then I saw what was happening and it was like bum fighting. Yeah, it is a version of that. That seems like it would be in the Bible under things not to do.

I was just brought on and then I gave money to the host to give away. And then I saw what was happening and it was like bum fighting. Yeah, it is a version of that. That seems like it would be in the Bible under things not to do.

Okay, but is this just as bad? So I was in Pakistan. This man came up and he was begging for money. And I said, I will buy your shawl. Then he was like... Oh, I'll give you the shawl. And he was trying to give it to me because that's what people are like there. If you say to somebody, I like your glasses, they give you. And I'm like, no. Luckily, there was someone who could translate.

Okay, but is this just as bad? So I was in Pakistan. This man came up and he was begging for money. And I said, I will buy your shawl. Then he was like... Oh, I'll give you the shawl. And he was trying to give it to me because that's what people are like there. If you say to somebody, I like your glasses, they give you. And I'm like, no. Luckily, there was someone who could translate.

Okay, but is this just as bad? So I was in Pakistan. This man came up and he was begging for money. And I said, I will buy your shawl. Then he was like... Oh, I'll give you the shawl. And he was trying to give it to me because that's what people are like there. If you say to somebody, I like your glasses, they give you. And I'm like, no. Luckily, there was someone who could translate.

And I said, you want money from me and I want something from you. So I pay you. I mean, the money I was paying him for a shawl was like 50 times with the shawl. Right, right, right.