Dr. Adele Lafrance
speaker
259 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jun 2020
last heard Jun 2020
Dr. Adele Lafrance’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
or distraction or redirection or problem solving, when emotions are high, it can actually make things worse.
So to answer your question, I would see it in three different ways.
One is to just familiarize yourself with the scripts in a way that gives you permission to try something different.
You know, and just reading them a couple of times can create that kind of flexibility for the next time.
The other tip that I would suggest is thinking about this little catchphrase that we use.
Move from but to because.
Oftentimes when our kids are struggling and we want to help them to feel better, either because we feel their pain or we have to get out the door, for example, we might lean into their emotion a little bit and say like, oh, I can understand why you wouldn't want to put those socks on, but you have to.
So what I found is that parents have really appreciated this little catchphrase, moving from but to because.
I can understand why you wouldn't want to put those socks on because they make your toes feel funny along the line and because you really wanted to wear the pink ones and because you don't like the ankle length.
And so moving from but to because will create more flexibility in the moment, which then will make your child more amenable to then getting in the car, you know, putting the shoes on, going outside.
The third way is practicing.
writing out sample scripts a couple of times.
And then the best way actually is getting it wrong and circling back to give it another try.
And you mentioned that earlier when you talked about parenting moments that you may not be proud of.
We actually dedicate a whole chapter of the book to that because first of all, we don't want parents to have to live with those memories of having said X and
you know, that was like not the best in a situation.
No one needs to live with that.
And those situations can be fixed so easily.
And so what we'll say to parents is, okay, if you have a moment where things don't go so well, go back to the structure, work it out on your own.
And then you can go back to your child the same day, the next day, a week later, years later and say, hey, remember when you said this and I said this?
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