Dr. Adele Lafrance
speaker
259 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jun 2020
last heard Jun 2020
Dr. Adele Lafrance’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
So if your kid's elevator, emotion elevator, frustration elevator is on the fifth, sixth, seventh floor, and you're trying to reach them with reason or problem solving or logic, that's the kind of stuff that can happen on the main floor.
Well, they're on the sixth or seventh floor, so it's not going to work, right?
It's like throwing a tennis ball against a brick wall.
There's no opening yet.
And so those because statements help bring the elevator down to the main floor so that then you can engage with your child in a more productive manner, so to speak.
Well, I think that in my experience, both personally as a parent, but also professionally, we are so deeply conditioned to lean away from emotional pain.
that even after over a decade of doing emotion-focused research and practice, I still find myself wanting to reassure my child's pain.
It's so amazing to watch it happen inside of myself that it's no wonder, no wonder we are a culture that first tries to reassure people's pain.
The problem, though, is that if someone's feeling sad, mad, or scared, and we lead with reassurance, it can actually deepen their sadness, their anger, or their fear.
And so I can just demonstrate it for a second, okay?
So if you put yourself in a... Let's do a resistance, because resistance is something that is frustrating for everyone to deal with, and we need better strategies.
So if you put yourself in a resistant body, like, I don't want to do this, okay?
I don't want to put the dishes away.
And I'll respond to you in a way that's perhaps more typical.
And you just tell me what happens in your body below the neck, okay?
So put yourself in that resistant body.
Okay, sweetheart, you have to do the dishes.
It's your turn and everyone is contributing, you know, in this household.
And so I just want you to get it done.
It won't take long.
Showing 161–180 of 259 · page 9 of 13
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