Dr. Anthony Bean
speaker
152 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Dr. Anthony Bean’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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I know it's very prevalent. I know how to work with it. Um, and we can work together and they want to play with me. So all the, all everything is right there perfectly for it. But parents are the biggest number thing that I've always seen is, you know, what games your kids are playing. And most of them are like, yeah, something online. Do you know, even know what system you have?
Are you one of the parents that calls a Sony PlayStation and a Nintendo?
um like how much knowledge do we have to like there's nothing there's nothing wrong with that like i i grew up in southern california and all soda is coke all video games are nintendo so i yeah that's that's what my my mom did too so it's it's something that now i have all the systems um and everything that my kids play on them and we we do we do things we play together and if they're
They don't play in there unless I'm in there because they want to hang out and they want to do stuff with us right now. And they're at the age. And of course, I'm going to do that because I want to be there with my kids in a lot of ways. But it's also about being in that that awareness of. I'll go in and play with them. I will absolutely do those things. And they're like, you're really good.
I'm like, I just have a lot more experience than you guys. I know I've been working on these controls since I was your age. It's not when you get to my age, you'll be perfectly fine and able to do it soon.
So our kids don't don't get that. They only get an iPad. If we're going on a trip, like on a plane, or a road trip, that's three hours plus. That's our rule. Other than that, they have to bring toys, other types of tools, books, stuff like that. And even when they do get that... That iPad, because we're traveling or driving for that time, they have to switch it back and forth.
We only have one iPad and two kids. And so they have 25 minutes on it, and then it's 25 minutes for the next person and vice versa. So they have to keep on switching tasks on what they're doing. So it's not just a continuous reinforcement of one thing over another.
Um, when we see this in, in, uh, supermarkets, restaurants, all that type of thing, what parents are doing, they're just, um, reinforcing something that they're gonna have a lot harder time with it later on. Um, our kids, I've, I've been down in, uh, I don't know if people are gonna know what sprouts is. Um, but sprouts, you, you from California, you're gonna know what sprouts is. Um, and, um,
I've had my son like have a hard time because we didn't get the graham crackers that he wanted one time. And he just sat down on the ground and started tantruming. And I'm like, this is fine. We're allowed to tantrum. We're allowed to have this experience and this feeling of not getting what you want. But I'm going to get down there with you.
And I went and sat on the floor with him and he didn't want anything to do with me. for the longest time, and by longest time, to me, it felt like eternity.
Like, I'm just sitting here, I'm holding the tension for a tantruming four-year-old in the middle of sprouts, and then what eventually happens is the kid notices that you're down there with them and you're not shaming, you're not doing anything bad, you're not doing anything that should be... be able to be seen as reinforcing not just the behavior, but also giving in.
You're having what we call authoritative boundary, and they come into your lap, and they start to regulate themselves. And that's what we do. And we're like, look, we can get this next time, or we can try to do this a little bit later. But we have enough right here. Why don't we try to do this aspect first, and then we'll come back to this next time we're here.
That's what starts getting your kids closer to you. That's what engages them in a much more calming way, but also teaches them that rules, boundaries are important and that self-regulation comes second in those instances. But as they got older, that four to five minutes of tantruming has come down to about 20 seconds of like, I'm done with this. What's going on? Let's take a couple minutes.
Let's have a seat. No, I'm going to go sit on the stairs. That's cool. I'll be right here on the couch. You let me know when you're ready to have a chat and we'll work through this together. And just sit there like this, like this. And then 20 seconds later, be like, you know, I'm feeling really angry. That's great.
Let's talk about what's making you angry. It's not why, it's what. Because it is an external source that is creating that type of feeling within us. And if we can recognize that... This external source is something that I don't like. I can then talk about it because it's not me. It's not me as a person. That's the bad thing. It's this external source that I just need to process.
How do I handle this? How do I problem solve? How do I go forward with this? That's what we're doing with our kids.
in general that parents should be more cautious about how they apply these electronics as a distraction for their kids like i i would i would say yes i think it's important because um kind of the rule of thumb is for every think of it's like uh there's things called extinction bursts which means the tantrums that you originally gave the uh the ipad to for uh behavior management
If you've been doing that for two weeks, it takes about four weeks to get rid of that behavior. And there's going to be extinction bursts all throughout it, which it gets worse than where it originally started.
The more you do that, the longer you do it, the harder and longer it takes to get rid of that type of coping mechanism that isn't necessarily a positive one or helping them kind of moving themselves forward.
There's not a lot of positive aspects to any of that. Toxic is as toxic does. It's kind of like what we kind of say in the area is that if someone's being toxic, You're welcome to cut them out of your gameplay. It's happened multiple times. You work in a guild, someone's toxic, being a D-I-C-K, cut them out. Within the virtual space, it's not great. It's not great for your mental health.
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