Dr. Becky Kennedy
speaker
3,434 appearances
7 recordings
6 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 18 Jun
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.
Appearances
people like this often blame other people a lot for things they never did when they're really frustrated and upset because it's almost like, this can't be mine, so, like, Who did this feeling to me? You know, there's a lot of that in the world. Who did this feeling to me? Who put this in me? Right? It's so fragile and so sad almost. And so, you know, toxic.
But projection, in a way, is the only way that I can understand my emotional life. is by imagining you having an emotional life. I don't know. Like a lot of these things, I hear myself say this. I like Mel, I was like, what a vulnerable way to go about the world. What an awful way to live in your body that you're so overwhelmed and almost so self-abandoning
of the information in your body that it must be someone else's. So that's what projection is, right? So what do we do when we see it, right? I don't know, what's an example, right? Like you're so stressed out, you've been so stressed and you're thinking, maybe you're thinking of partnership, like I feel like you're the one who's stressed, right? never helps in the heat of a moment to be right.
I've tried it a million times. I don't know about you.
To be right in a heated moment when you're like, I'm going to be right.
No, but it's a very hard urge to resist.
Yep.
Right.
Yeah, and I think, you know, this is so true in relationships, definitely at work, and definitely in parenting, is... You don't have to represent everything you believe in in, like, a given moment. Like, we're not so fragile, like, to be like, no, and you're projecting, like, I have time. Like, this is a heated moment. I can kind of chill out. You're so stressed, and I think I'm not.
I think there's projection. I might say, like... Oh, I am? Who cares? Just like get through the moment, right? And then maybe after, if it feels important, I say, I feel like this thing happens sometimes where when you're stressed, you say, I'm stressed. I don't know. Like, let's talk about this. That's when that happens. I think this is really true with kids too, right?
This happened the other day. And in some ways, it's the same strategy, which I jokingly on Instagram called do nothing with a capital D and a capital N. Because so many times in hard situations, especially when you're accused of something that's not true, people will say to parents, oh, so you're just going to do nothing. I'm like, take away the just.
Like doing nothing in a heated moment is a very sophisticated technique because really what you're saying is you're doing nothing on the outside and you're being an adult and managing your feelings on the inside.
Versus doing nothing on the inside and just yelling or reacting on the outside. So the other day my son came to me before school, my youngest. And he goes, my sweatshirt's still dirty. And I was like, oh man. He goes, you promised me you would wash my sweatshirt before school. Between us, he never asked me that, okay? And here's my fork in the road. It's like, we all know what it would be easier.
By the way, I wanted to say back to him, 99% of me was about to go, you never asked me. And then he'd say, I did. No, you didn't. And now you're lying to me. And all of a sudden, it's like, okay. You know what he was saying to me? I wish my sweatshirt was clean. That's what he was saying. That's what we're all saying. And I'm so upset about it.
The feeling is so big that it's like too overwhelming in this moment as a seven-year-old to be mine. So like, I kind of have to make it your fault to try to make sense of it. So what did I do in the moment? I literally did nothing. What I... You promised me you'd watch my sweatshirt. And I went like this.
I kind of was just like looking at him like I knew what it was like to want something and not be able to have it. And he's like, you did. And the moment I go, I did. Oh, my sweatshirt is dirty. You really wanted it to be clean. He's like, I really did. I was like, that's the worst. Not joking. And then he, by the end, by five minutes later, I didn't say anything. He got another sweatshirt.
We moved on. I didn't say, I wasn't going to like ruin the moment by being like, see, you could cope or you never asked me. But I think in both these moments, whether someone's saying you're stressed or my kid's accusing me, I think about this a lot in parenting. I don't have to prove my parenting in a moment. I don't have to prove it to my kid.
I don't have to prove it because my mother-in-law is watching. Like, I trust myself way more than I trust one single moment to represent everything about me. And I think when we can gain a little bit of that confidence, we have a lot more freedom to just be effective parents. And two, also know there's a moment to do nothing.
And then if something's a chronic issue, if my son's chronically blaming me, when things are less heated, I'm going to say to him, you know, something and, you know, a calm moment.
You know, a question I'd have about that study, I'd be really curious if there was variation among subjects where some people that guilt part lit up a lot more.
Showing 1361–1380 of 3,434 · page 69 of 172
← Previous
Next →