Dr. Darby Saxbe

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745 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jul 2026 last heard 27 Jul

Dr. Darby Saxbe’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.

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Modern Wisdom · The Painful Psychological Cost Of Becoming A Dad - Darby Saxbe - #1129 · 27 Jul 2026 podcast

are living with a father at home.

Usually the father, but not always.

So sometimes there's complex fatherhood where dads are living with...

kids that weren't originally theirs, but at least having a stepfather figure in the home.

So there's been this kind of U-shaped change in father presence.

But I think we often think about fatherhood as this binary, absent dad versus present dad, and there are a lot of shades of gradation in between.

So many non-residential fathers are really involved in caregiving.

I talk about this in the book, but after my parents got divorced, we did joint custody.

So my brothers and I were alone with our dad every other week, and he went from fairly hands-off caregiver to suddenly the primary parent in charge of everything we needed.

And I watched how transformative that was for him.

So there are different ways again to turn that dial of fatherhood.

And I think when dads fully check out, like I said, it's a missed opportunity both for themselves and for their kid.

But there are a lot of ways to turn the dial back up.

I talked to a dad for the book who spent the first three years of his son's life in jail.

And was able to get out, reunite with his son, take parenting classes.

He now works at an organization called Homeboy Industries, which does intervention for gang-involved people in L.A.

And he directs a project fatherhood program.

And he said having that bond with his son was the single saving grace that actually helped him to reroute his life.

It's a really interesting question.

Sort of at what point do you maybe miss that opportunity to bond?

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