Dr. Jared White

speaker

517 appearances 5 recordings 1 series first heard Jul 2019 last heard Apr 2021

Dr. Jared White’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Hook Up · What to do when your parents and partner(s) don't get along · 19 Apr 2021 podcast

And I think that's why we're talking about values at the same time.

Because values really help ground us and they really help give us a sense of direction.

So if we know our value

then we know at the same time how much we want to take on from other people's values or not.

And I think when we're working with a relationship and with parents, so two different kinds of relationships.

We wanna be able to be able to take a step back at times and say, Okay, um, I've got my relationship with my partner, my partner's got my their relationship with my parents, I've got my relationship with their parents and my parents have their relationship with me.

So we've got all these different dynamics and we want to be able to separate them because we're bringing them all together and trying to sort them all out without that separation be extremely confusing and overwhelming.

And so if we can keep them separate at the uh at the same time while, you know, obviously interacting between them, but if we can keep them separate and work on each one.

uh then it can be a little bit more ordered and structured.

Yeah, well I guess, you know, we can always have things that are deal breakers and you know that we will never say that

leave a relationship because there are times where we definitely need to leave a relationship.

And that always comes at a point.

I think before we get to that point though, what really matters is the kinds of conversations that we're having.

Um, and our ability to let other people have their relationships.

You see, if we're always trying to be the intermediary, the sandwich between our partner and our parents, then we're not really allowing for their relationship to blossom because their relationship is always happening between but through us.

So we need to be able to allow them to have their relationships.

For example, if I've got bringing my partner over to dinner for the first time and my partner isn't speaking enough and one of my values is my family gets along.

And so I encourage my partner to speak more.

I'm not really letting my partner and my parents foster their relationship as it would happen naturally, 'cause I'm trying to push something to happen because I have that value.

So before we break any relationships up or have deal breakers as a result of a value not being hit, we want to be able to say, Okay, let's have a conversation about it and let's work towards it.

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