Dr. Robert Glover
Appearances
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Thank you so much for joining me today. Every time I hear somebody read the bio that I've sent them, I think, I need to shorten that. I need to cut it down to just, Dr. Glover lives in Mexico. Just that. No more than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Okay, so yeah, we'll get to kind of cover two topics here, the whole nice guy dynamic and dating. And, you know, they often overlap, not always. But yeah, I'm a recovering nice guy. You know, if you'd met me 30 years ago, I would have told you I'm a nice guy. I'm one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. I would have thought that was a good thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I couldn't understand why everybody didn't have that philosophy. You know, be kind, be generous, be easygoing, and, you know, avoidant of conflict and pleasing of other people. And for me, my story began in my second marriage when my wife just flat out told me, she says, you need help. Everybody thinks you're such a nice guy, but you're not. You treat me badly. You're passive aggressive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You'll blow up. You embarrass me in public. You know, if you don't go get help, I'm going to leave you. I thought, wait a minute. You're the one who's angry all the time, never wants to have sex anymore, is moody, you know. And I'm the one that has to go get help? Okay, I went.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And luckily, I quickly landed in some really good places and started to really understand why my roadmap, my paradigm that I'd had since childhood, I'm thinking if I just do everything right, make everybody happy, avoid all conflict, you know, hide all my mistakes, then I'll be liked and loved to get my needs met. And I started finding out why that didn't work.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I started learning about how to be more honest, more transparent, how to ask for what I want, how to have boundaries, how to say no. And as I started working on my issues in therapy and then later a men's group, I was a therapist at the time. And I started noticing a lot of the men coming to me were saying a lot of the same things I said. Really, just two categories of guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The first one were in relationship. And since I was, that's who I'm most related to. But they'd come with their wives or girlfriends, and they'd say the same thing as me. I'm a nice guy. I treat her better than her ex. I'm raising her kids. I do everything for her. I try to make her happy. It's never enough. When's it going to be my turn? And I thought, man, they're just like me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The second kind of guy was a single guy. And they'd come in. They say, you know, I'm a nice guy. All the women I know tell me that. I have lots of female friends, except none of them want to date me or get naked with me. I know that all too well. Yeah. They all say, someday you're going to make some lucky woman so happy. But how come they don't want to be my girlfriend? You are such a great catch.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Not for me, but for somebody. Somebody else. Yeah. you know, these guys, I thought, okay, I'm not the only one. So I started almost 30 years ago. My first no more, Mr. Nice guy, men's group. Uh, we just started working on, on these nice guy issues, that paradigm that says, if I'm just a good guy, everybody will like me and love me. And women will want to get naked with me. And, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I just started writing, I don't know what to call them, chapters, lessons, blogs. I'd write every Wednesday and give these guys what I was discovering about what I thought the origins of nice guy syndrome was, how it manifested, what to do different. And I just kept writing. And the guys, and often their wives and girlfriends, said, Robert, you need to write a book. You need to go on Oprah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
This could be a bestseller. Lots of people need this book.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
and so i kept writing over a period of six or seven years finally finished took about three years to get it published a lot of publishing companies said robert we like your book but our marketing department says men won't buy a self-help book um you know that book now makes uh annual six-figure royalty checks so apparently men do buy self-help books um and so
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I've been working with nice guys for about 30 years. And then when that second marriage that I was in came to an end after about 14 years of marriage, and I was out in the dating world in my late 40s for the first time, really, I've been married twice for a total of 25 years. You know, I got married the first time two days after I graduated from college.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So, you know, I'd never just been, you know, like a single guy out there knowing how to meet women, how to date, how to have lots of experiences. So my first two wives were my first two sexual partners. And, you know, I got out there in the dating world. I thought, OK, well, where do I start? You know, I knew two things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
After being married to 25 years to two women, neither of whom I should have gone on more than three dates with. But that's how bad a picker and how bad of an ender I was. I got to become a better picker. I got to become a better ender. And so being a better picker means I got to learn how to date. And then I also have to learn how to be a better ender because...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I come to realize that being a good ender covers a multitude of sins of bad picks because dating is actually a series of bad picks. You know, when guys complain, you know, I got all I've got is these one and dones. You know, they I go, that's normal. That's dating. That's how it's supposed to work. You should go on one date and go now no more. That's enough. You know, let's try another one.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So, you know, I was in my late 40s. Typically, my nice guy seduction of high school and college was I'd never just walk up to a woman and talk to her and ask her out. I'd maybe sit next to her in class, try to answer as many questions as I could to show off how smart I was. Maybe get to know her a little bit, volunteer to do something for her, just be different than all the other guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Can I carry your books? Can I help you move? Can I wash your car? You know, anything. I'd never say, can I see you naked? Will you want to go out with me? Then maybe in college, I'd wait until Friday afternoon, walk up to the woman on campus that I've been wanting to ask out and tap her on the shoulder and say, hey, I don't guess you'd want to go out with me tonight, would you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It's amazing how many women were washing their hair that night when I wanted to take them out. So, I had to learn to do better. So I had a lot of clients started giving me books and CDs and DVDs. And, you know, I read the game and started listening to podcasts. And I said, I'm just going to get out and be a scientist. I'm going to go out and just...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Start interacting socially with people in general, but just start interacting with women and just see what works. Instead of approaching dating as how can I get a girlfriend or how can I get laid? I started approaching dating from a point of view of how does this work? How can I be the most effective at this? How can I be that better picker and that better ender?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I quickly got good enough that I was getting a lot of dates, having a lot of sex. And my client started saying, Robert, teach us, what are you doing? I go, I'm not a dating guru. I don't know anything about dating. So I'm naturally inquisitive. I'm naturally a teacher. So I just started teaching the guys what I was doing. And that just kept growing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It turned into a class, turned into a 16 lesson course that I taught online for several years. It turned into the book, Dating Essentials for Men more recently. dating essentials for men faq frequently asked questions i was just in new york about two weeks ago recording that so get on audio soon it's already out in ebook and in print on amazon so um
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So I really don't even still consider myself a dating guru. I'm more of, I think, a relationship. I can say I'm a relationship expert. And back where I got, I've been married three times now. I've been married to my third wife five and a half years. And for a while when I was single, I'd say I'm a marriage therapist who's been divorced twice and a dating guru that doesn't have a girlfriend.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And people still keep lining up to pay me money to tell them how to do stuff. But I'm very practical and I really get real with guys and just get down to what doesn't work and what does. And most of what most guys do when it comes to women doesn't work. And just because we don't know better, you know, no one's taught us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
We learned everything we learned about women from listening to women complain about other men, beginning with their mothers or watching porn or unfortunately too much from, you know, the pickup and red pill, you know, gurus that say, do this, do that. And, you know, basically it's a war, us against the women. They're out to get us, so we got to get them first.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And, you know, so I'm very practical and very respectful, and I just believe in doing what works. And a lot of guys like the way I approach it because it's a breath of fresh air from spinning plates and, you know, running corny pickup lines. Who lies most, men or women, you know?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The women have all heard that line, you know, without peacocking and all the other stuff that, you know, guys do this to get a woman. Or do this to get digits, basically. Most pickups, mostly about getting phone numbers. It's not really about getting much more than that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
okay well it it it's even bigger than just women but you know we're talking mainly about dating so we'll hone in on that you know the one dynamic well the dynamic of the nice guy syndrome when i wrote no more mr nice guy i really focused in on the on the concept of shame that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
at a very early age we everybody but nice guys in particular internalize inaccurately a belief i'm not good enough there's something wrong with me i'm not lovable i'm not valuable and this was you know through a child's immature mind internalizing our life experiences of you know our parents angry at us or you know we're hungry they don't feed us or you know our parents are fighting and children internalize i'm the cause of that there must be something wrong with me that's called toxic shame
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And then we all develop coping mechanisms to try to not feel that and to try to get the love that we want and desire and get our needs met. Now, in time, I came to see that nice guy syndrome not only is built on that shame of everything we do is either trying to get external validation and approval or hide anything about us that might get a negative response, but it's also built on anxiety.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The anxiety that I won't be good enough, that I'll get abandoned, that I won't be loved, that I won't get my needs met. So it's really two pillars behind nice guy syndrome, this shame and anxiety. And they really go hand in hand, they overlap. So everything we nice guys do really is about getting external validation.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
you know making good enough grades making a good impression making enough money getting the promotion driving the right car being impressive whatever trying to get people to to think we're okay because internally we we don't believe we're okay Now, we may not go right now. I talk about no more Mr. Nice Guy. I found in time there's two types of nice guys.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
One, and I thought they were all like me, what I call the I'm so good nice guy. You know, I'm so good. I do everything right. You know, everybody should be happy with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
um but my shame is just it's just buried deeper in a more you know locked box dark container inside the second kind of nice guy is what i call the i'm so bad nice guy this is the guy that probably you know struggled in school started doing drugs at an early age you know got kicked out of school kicked out of the house you know was you know always in trouble for something and then at some point in their life you know found religion
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
you know, got married or had a baby or got in the military, something kind of straightened them out. And now they're trying their best to be a nice guy, but there's their, but their shame's right up next to the surface. Oh, it's only a matter of time to people find out I'm a fuck up. I'm not good enough. There's something wrong with me. So I'm so good. Nice guys. The shame's buried. I'm so bad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Nice guy is right next to the surface, but both operate in the same way. And that isn't seeking validation. Now, Let me kind of come back to this, but come back from kind of a side way. Okay. I've been saying to a man for quite some time. Again, I'm a relationship expert, I guess. I earned a PhD in marriage and family therapy at 29 years old.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So I've been a marriage and family therapist for over 30 years and teaching guys about dating for almost 20. So two things I tell guys. Number one. lifelong pair-bonded relationships with the opposite sex are not natural or normal or in the human DNA. We've only been trying to do those for less than 10,000 years. For about 2 million, 2.5 million years, we were tribal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Everything was shared, including sexual access. People did not pair bond. And so trying to do this thing that culture says, find the right woman for you, fall in love, get married, be happy every after, it is a part of it. It's a fucking fairy tale. It's not in human DNA. Now, I say if we do this consciously, relationships can be a powerful personal growth machine. They can really grow us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
The other thing that I say is that dating is not in our human DNA. In fact, dating... has probably only existed in Western culture at most 100, 150 years. Eastern culture, I still talk to men from India today that their families still arrange their marriages. They don't date. That's why when Indian men come to America, they really are lost. I work with a lot of Asian men, and they're lost.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But even those of us that grew up in Western culture, Europe, U.S., dating's not in our DNA. I read somewhere a while back that Shakespeare, 200 years ago, wrote Romeo and Juliet to point out the stupidity of romantic love. We love each other so much, let's kill ourselves. But our grandparents... That was a tough breakup they had, Romeo and Juliet. That was a bad breakup. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But even our grandparents, so if we go back 60, 70, 80, 100 years, you know, either, you know, married a cousin, married, you know, the girl next door, married their brother or sister's best friend. My wife grew up here in Guadalajara, Mexico, and she's eight out of 10 kids. Two of her brothers married two of her best friends.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You know, so that's how historically, you know, for the last 100 years, we call that historical. That's how dating works now. with what I call pickup culture and hookup culture. You know, we got apps, we can swipe right. You know, we've got dating boot camps. We've got, you know, seems like every woman on the planet is single these days. Excuse me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I had COVID a couple of weeks ago and still recovering a little bit of aspects of it. I'm glad you're feeling better. For the second time. It's always better the second time around, right? No, it was actually worse than the first time. Oh, sorry. So the thing is, so Lifelong pair bonded relationships aren't normal and natural. Dating isn't normal and natural.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But the way things are laid out nowadays, if we men want companionship, if we want a partner, and if we want to get laid, we got to do something that's not a natural thing to do. And that is we have to learn how to interact with women, which, you know, It makes sense from a logical point of view that if we want to get a girlfriend or get a woman naked with us, we have to get her to approve of us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So that's typically why we go seeking their approval. But it's even bigger than that. Kind of the golden rule among men is don't piss off the woman. That doesn't mean that means it's not your mother, you know, your female boss. We men, culturally, have just been conditioned. Don't piss off women. They'll go on social media. They'll call you out. They'll hashtag me to you. They'll be mean to you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So we're all out there trying to please women and trying to get their approval. But unfortunately, that is the worst possible way to date that I can think of. Because all of a sudden, you hear in a lot of the pickup and red pill communities about alpha and beta stuff. And I speak at red pill conferences. I have red pill friends. But they'll talk about being alpha.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But the problem is, if you go seeking a woman's approval in any way whatsoever, you are automatically the beta. She's the alpha. She has all the power. She's the decider. And she knows it because every other guy seeking her approval as well. So she gets to decide who or what, you know, she goes with or what she does. So seeking a woman's approval always makes you the supplicant.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It makes you one down. It makes you, makes her the decider and you, you just accept whether, you know, whatever comes along. So that's, This approach of trying to get women's approval, whether it be in a dating situation or for guys that are in a relationship or married, seeking a woman's approval is the absolute worst thing we men can do in terms of healthy relationship dynamics.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Going back to our tribal ancestors. Women by nature are security-seeking creatures. They outperform. They get more degrees than men. They get higher paying jobs than men nowadays. I mean, they can take care of themselves. They can open their own car door. They can buy their own car. They don't need a man. They really don't. The whole Gloria Steinem, women need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
She went on and married a very wealthy man after she said that, by the way. I didn't know that. So they don't really need us, but they are wired to see us as their protector and provider, even if they don't need us to protect and provide. Now, even with that said, I've seen studies that the highest performing women, the women that are out there, high paying jobs, making the most money.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
can't get boyfriends because they all want a guy that is performing as high as they are. And nowadays, a lot of guys aren't. And so even the high-performing women still want a high-performing guy, right? Still, they want that security system. So if our female ancestors look to the tribal men who were warriors, who were hunters, who were fierce, who were competent, right? who are masterful, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
If they look to them for a sense of security, and that's wired into DNA, that's wired into who we are from a gender perspective. They want to be safe. They want to feel safe, bottom line. Hashtag Me Too was all about, I don't feel safe. That's what hashtag Me Too was. And then, but, you know, if we say nowadays, well, women don't feel safe, it's in their DNA.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
They'll go, oh, you're being dismissive. You know, you're being gender stereotyped. But hashtag me too wouldn't exist if women felt safe. And yeah, that's partly our fault. That's partly just wired into the feminine gender. They don't feel safe. Now, again, they can do everything under the sun to have a good life and make a lot of money. But
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
When we approach a woman trying to get her approval, like I said, now we're the beta. She's the alpha. She's the stronger of the two. She's the decider. That's not going to turn her on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And if we do anything that shows a little bit of strength, a little bit of fierceness, a little bit of wildness, as my coach and David Davis said, a little bit of your wild man, a little bit of your killer, the woman kind of goes, ooh. It gives me chills.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
That guy could kill the spider. And even though they don't want us to pull their hair and drag them into the cave, they do want to know we've got a strength and a fierceness about it. My second wife used to say to me, I wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy when I was married to this woman, and she was hell on wheels. I loved her, but she was crazy. And she used to say to me,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
how do i know i should say if you can't stand up to me how will i ever know you could stand up for me right and that's profound and she was right and that was such a great message if i'm if i'm quaking and bacon and you know fancy footwork trying to make her happy and avoid conflict and not upset her and she's watching all this women aren't stupid they're watching when we're these placating little boys trying to get their approval and and if they're going if they're going
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
This guy's a wuss. You know, if he's just letting me get away with everything, who's going to actually protect me when there's something that's a real threat here? So anything we do that shows any kind of strength. Now, again, I don't teach guys to be asses and I don't think you do either. But telling a woman I'm bored of this conversation is authentic.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And it takes strength and backbone and balls to be authentic. When you were telling that shoe story, I was smiling because I took a woman out and we dated for a while. I think it was first date, first, second date. I remember walking along a lakefront. It was a nice summer day. And she started telling a shoe story.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I think she was telling me where like her and her sister went to these shoe parties where, you know, they bring shoes and women all drink martinis and try on shoes. And I go, oh, shoe shopping is women's porn. And she just thought she just froze, looked at me and got this steely eye in her, you know, look at her face. And she said, you get it. You get, you understand. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Shoe shopping is porn for us women. And she goes, I like you, you get it. So, you know, anything just about being yourself, whether you say I'm bored with this story about you going shoe shopping, or you say something like, Oh, for women, shoe shopping is, is, you know, it's women's porn. Um, you know, being you and just not holding anything back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'll tell you another quick story because it involved a date kind of in the same location with another woman. Um, And then I also dated for a while. And I remember we went and got a little bite to eat at a happy hour. And then we were going to go walk along the same lake. And she had to go use the restroom. So she went to the restroom and walked back.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I said, okay, I'm going to go hit the restroom too. And we'll go walking. And I just said, by the way, I really enjoyed watching you walk away from me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And as soon as I said it, I thought, oh, you know, fuck, you know, I'm blowing it. You know, she was a smart lady, you know, Alzheimer research, research, a local university. You know, I thought, oh, you know, I probably blew it, but I'm just being me. I enjoyed watching her walk away. You know, I was looking at her ass. I mean, that's obviously what I said.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So anyway, you know, we broke up after about three or four months and, and, um, and then but we say friends and she told me one time she said do you remember like first second date you made that comment how you enjoyed watching me walk away from you i said yeah i said i thought i'd blown it she goes turned me on i loved hell yeah
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Be authentic. Be you. If you're trying to please her, get her approval, say the right thing. You're boring. You're dull. There's nothing fierce about you. But if you will just be you and guys will tell me all the time, well, being me doesn't seem to really turn women on.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I go, when was the last time any woman really saw you really saw the you that you are that maybe you don't even let yourself see because you're trying so hard to, you know, be good and get it right. And, you know, yeah. Yeah. Let them see the real you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Well, yeah, because here's the deal. One of my core principles, I've got several core principles I teach men. One is be authentic, be yourself. Another one is be willing to get to rejection quickly. And that is find out quickly, is this woman a good match for you?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So if you have a certain sense of humor, if you have a certain lifestyle, you need to find out, does the woman like the you that you are? So my sense of humor is saying, I enjoyed watching you walk away from me or turning to a woman and say, oh, shoe shopping is women's porn. I'm as irreverent with women as I am on this call.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'll swear and just say, I say whatever comes to the tip of my brain without much of a filter. And either a woman's going to really like that Or she's not. And you know what? I need to be okay. I need to be outcome agnostic. You know, if she likes it, great. Let's see where it goes from there. If she doesn't like it, great.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I found out quickly I'm not going to waste my time trying to convince a woman that my humor is funny. You know, if she doesn't get it, doesn't like it, you know, I'll give you another example. I, a woman taught me many years ago to always open a woman's door. I was dating this one woman.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
She, she'd grown up in Europe and, and I actually was visiting her and we went to London and remember I was shopping and like went to Harrods and stuff like that. And, and she stopped me and she said, Robert, are you going to open my door for me or not? And I said, I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. She goes, because sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. I don't care.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Either way, just tell me. Are you going to open my door or not? And I go, I'll open your door for you. And since that day, I train every woman I'm with to wait for me to open their door. Getting out of the car, going into a building. I've trained my mother, my granddaughter, every woman. I love watching my 16-year-old stepson open his mother's door for her. And he does it for his girlfriend. So...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
women can open their own damn door they don't need me to open the door but it just it it creates um a loving dominance it lets them kind of be the the princess the queen and and but here's the story i i went on a date with a woman and i met her on match.com and and she put that she salsa danced and at that time i was salsa dancing so all right that's something in common
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So, we set up a date and I said, give me a place near where you live. She lived 45 minutes from me and I'll come meet you there. So, we met there and chatted a little bit and I was hungry and I said, let's go get something to eat. You want to come with me? You know a place nearby? She said, yeah. I said, okay, come with me. So, I was driving a Mercedes E-Class at that time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So, I opened the door and put her in and we drove just a few blocks and there's a diner. So, We pulled up, and what I typically do is I tap the woman on top of her leg, and I say, wait for me. I'll come open your door. They always do, right? I often have to remind them. It takes women a little while to get in the habit of a man opening their door.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
As my mother said one time, if I was waiting for your dad to open my door, I'd still be waiting. He's been dead for 12 years. So- I tapped her on the legs and wait for me to open your door. And she hops out of the car and sprints to the front door of the diner and gets in the door of the diner even before I can get there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And we sit down and she goes, I just need to tell you, I don't like to be controlled. And I go, I don't want to control you. I said, but if you hang out with me, I'll open your door. She goes, I don't like men telling me what to do. And I go, well, I have no desire to tell you what to do. I said, but if you hang out with me, I'll open your door. And we kind of talked about that a little bit.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And so then we got a bite to eat and we're walking out. She bolts out the diner door before I can get to it and open it. But she has to wait at my car. I've got the key fob, right? So she waits. I open the door, put her in. Drive her back to her car. And, you know, again, before I even say a word, she jumps out. So I'm driving home thinking another one and done. Got to rejection quickly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
That's great. No problems. Next day, I get an email and she says, you know, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I'd really like to see you again. I just don't like to be told what to do or be controlled, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I don't want to control you. I said, but if you hang out with me, I'll open your door. And I just held my frame, you know, good, good dance, right? Held my frame.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So here's what I did. I'm going to try and experiment. I sent her an email. I said, okay, meet me at this restaurant at this day, at this time. We'll go get tapas, and then we'll go dancing just up the street at the local ballroom. She wrote back and said, great. So I'm already taking control of the whole thing, right? Tell her where we're going to meet, what time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So then we go meet, and she says again. We're eating. She says, you know, I don't want to be controlled. I don't like men. I said, I get that, but if you hang out with me, I'll open your door. So when we go to leave the restaurant, she waits and I open her door and we walk up the street. We get to the ballroom and she waits.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I open her door and then I lead her around the dance floor for an hour or so. So I'm still, you know, leading and controlling, so to speak. Right. So I had to go to work. I had something early the next day. I said, you know, I got to take off. So I'll walk you back to your car. She was parked somewhere. So again, she waits. So I walk her back to her car and we get to her car.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And this is a Seattle city sidewalk street, busy place. And I go to tell her good night. She puts her arms around my neck, wraps one leg around my leg, starts dry humping my leg, and sticks her tongue down my throat. I go, I think it's about as far as we go on a city sidewalk. But so...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
the the being willing to get to rejection quickly i didn't care if she wanted to keep seeing me or not but i was going to be me i was going to set the time i was going to open the door and her biology her dna took over of feeling safe and secure and trusting and it opened her to where you know she was a sexual aggressor in this situation and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So that's why I say, be you, you know, be authentic, be willing to get the rejection. And if you're trying to please a woman, if I was trying to please her, I would have quit. Okay. All right. I won't open your door. You know, I won't do that bad thing anymore that you don't like, you know, people doing for you. And so it's just the power of being you and, you know,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I think the earliest thing I tried to teach men that I learned really early on, because I like everybody else. I don't like getting rejected. But I came to the realization pretty quickly, it doesn't hurt. A woman I don't even know not giving me a phone number or not going on a date with me, that hurts me how? I didn't know her five minutes ago and she's not going to go on a date with me.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Why does that hurt? But we, we tend to, we tend to, that ties into our shame. Oh, there's something wrong with me. She can see I'm a loser. Every other woman is going to see the same thing. She turned me down. They're all going to turn me down. And, and we, we, we do our emotional spiral around that. So that, that does hurt that, that, that spiral, that shame spiral hurts. Rejection doesn't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So we, A couple of things. I'll tell you a couple of things that I have men do. One is, yeah, go out and, you know, I'm not big into approach. I tell men walking across a room and starting a conversation with a woman just because you find her physically attractive is probably the worst reason to talk to a woman. You don't know a thing about her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Just because she's physically attractive, that boosts your ego. Oh, if she was my girlfriend, I'd be so happy. You don't know her. She might be a total fucking bitch. She may be terrible in bed. She may have bad breath. She may laugh like a donkey. But she looks hot, so she'd be a great girlfriend. I know it. We're sure about that. So... What I tell guys to do is to, you know, escalate quickly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You know, go out with some buddies and just for the fun of it, try to get three, five rejections in a night. Now, you can't be rude to the woman. You can't just piss her off to get rejected. But just, you know, walk up to her and say, hey, you know, my name's Robert. Saw you over here. I got to bounce, but I want to take you out. Give me your number. You know, just real direct. Tell her what to do.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I always tell guys, never ask, tell. Have your phone out. Say, give me your number. I want to take you out. And, you know, odds are she's going to say, I don't even know you. But I've gone out. I went out with a buddy one night trying to get five rejections. I couldn't get five in a night. I was talking to women that should not have been giving me numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I went to a college music fest with a client of mine who's a jazz musician. And I'm sitting next to this, you know, college-age girl. I was probably...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
50 i don't know you know and and i'm talking to her and i said you like jazz she goes yeah i say well yeah i know the piano player i said let's go listen to jazz sometimes she goes i'd love to so give me your number she gave it off and spelled her name for me get three or five rejections in a night by the time he gets to the second one he's usually kind of doing a pump fist and grabbing his crotch and doing a happy dance i did it i did it right it didn't kill me exactly it's the anticipation
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
that's what i've been afraid of for 38 years yeah it was nothing it was fine yeah so i love the and i found that when guys will go do that if if you go get that three or five rejections in a night it pretty much just kills your fear of rejection you realize that's it yeah that's all i was afraid of i just got no they're not going to give me a phone number but the thing is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
going and trying to get rejected, you look confident as hell. I mean, you walk right up, you say, hey, I'm Robert. I want to take you out. Give me your phone number. That looks confident as hell. And women, I've been telling guys for years that because women are security-seeking creatures, confidence is just a major turn on. And I tell guys, if you interact with a woman confidently,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
She will have the exact same brain chemicals releasing in her brain that you would have if she lifted her shirt and showed you her tits. You don't have to think, do I like that? No, you get aroused because it's wired into you. Again, it's evolution. It's wired into you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
It's wired into them that when a guy interacts confidently with them, they get that same tingle, that same arousal, that same buzz that we get when we see tits. So that trying to get rejected is actually a powerful tool because, as I said, I've gone out and couldn't get five rejections because I just came across as so confident the women wanted to give me their numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'm having a good time. And so are they. And that's really all women want is to have a good time with us. And we're having a good time. And, you know, Buddha said that attachment to outcomes, the cause of all suffering. So that thing, I want that woman to like me. I want that woman to give me a phone number. I want that woman to be my girlfriend. Well, that's just a recipe for suffering.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So if you are outcome agnostic, where you just go interact with people, have fun, be you. good things happen. And then, you know, again, not everybody's going to want to give us a number or go home with us or date us. That's okay. So just quickly, the other thing that I do in my workshops with guys, and I don't tell them ahead of time, the reason why we're doing it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I, and this little, little drill has many different applications that I use with nice guys, but I just pair everybody up to, you know, everybody's paired up with another guy. And again, Person A will decide who person A is for two minutes, has to say to person B, I want. I want to be happy. I want to make a million dollars. I want a bigger dick. I want world peace. I want whatever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And person B has to say no to everything they say. I want to be happy. No. I want to make a million dollars. No. And so for two minutes, and then they switch and do it the other way. Now, just for two minutes of that, the guys will be laughing, having a good time. I have to holler over them, time, time, switch, we're done. And they're just laughing and having a good time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And so we sit and make some applications. And I'll say...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
you guys everybody says oh rejection hurts i said you just got rejected over and over again for two minutes and you were having fun and you were laughing and you're having a good time and i couldn't make you stop what's the difference and really the difference only is the context and the story we put on it this guy standing across from us telling us no for two minutes we don't create a story about it it's just it's just no it's just words it's just it's just a game it's just play
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But when we're with a woman, because we're attached to outcome and we want her to like us to validate our low sense of self, we get attached to that. And then when she doesn't want to give us a number or go out with us, it hurts because of the story we put on it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But what if we treated all of our interactions with women like that game we were doing with a buddy at a workshop of just anticipating no, going for, you know, go for no, go for rejection. And then, you know, and just laugh and have fun and have a good time. And you get a lot more yeses that way.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I'm going, I'm going to kiss you, you know, um, you know, I, I, one night I, I taught a, just an evening dating class at a local community college. And afterwards I said, I'm hungry. You guys want to go get a bite to eat? So about six or eight of us went to one of my favorite restaurants, a Ruth's Chris restaurant near where I live. And I knew all the waitstaff in there and the bartenders.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And there's one woman, Jessica, kind of a snarky woman, but I liked her. She's a good waitress. Comes by the table and said, Jessica, I got a question. I was asking this for the benefit of all the guys. And I said, yeah. Jessica, how do you like it when your boyfriend leaves all the decisions up to you and says, what do you want to do tonight? What do you want to eat? Where do you want to go?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And she just looked at me and says, I hate it. And they're like, what's your order? So after she left, I looked at the guys and said, they really do hate it when we leave those decisions up to them. We're making them the alpha again. And most women nowadays are alpha in so many parts of their life. They don't want to be alpha in their relationship. Now, they will. They can.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
but they really prefer that they have a man that will set the tone and lead and not be controlling, not being an asshole, but say, hey, let's go do this. And they go, yeah, let's go do it. They don't have to make all the decisions. So with the whole thing, getting numbers, when I first started dating, that was like, you know, my biggest, like, I don't know, I don't know how to do this.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I don't know how you get numbers. And so like being the good scientist that I was, I just practiced getting numbers. And what I quickly found out is that, If you have your phone out, I remember back then I had a Razor phone, back when Razors were really cool, flip phone. You're looking like, I've never heard of that. I've heard of that. I'm old enough. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So, so I'd have it out on the, you know, on the bar next to me or whatever. And I usually eat my meals at happy hours. I just talk to people around me and, you know, one says, is that a razor? And you go, yeah, yeah. And I said, Hey, you know, give me your number. I'm going to, I'm going to send you a message. I'll call you later. I'm going to take you out later on this week.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And so, you know, I'd already had my phone out. So I'll always have your phone out. And so whenever I go for a number, I have the phone out now, you know, for several years, had an iPhone, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
have my phone out and i say all right i'm going to call you later this week give me your number i got a plan and i have my phone out you know it's like and use the assumptive clothes that salesmen use instead of saying do you want to buy some they say how many can i put you down for you know right so it's an assumptive cause i get my phones out it's like you're going to give me a number and i said give me your number and in my experience
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
eight or nine times out of 10, they'd give me a number if I just said, give me your number. Now, I'd already be interacting with them and already gotten them to yes, you know, on several other things like in sales. And, you know, maybe one or two out of 10 would say, oh, I don't give my number out or I don't do this. And they'll go, give me your number. I'll call you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And I'll go, nah, you're not going to call me. I said, just tell me you're not going to go out with me. Don't give me that. And so they'd give a number. And when they give me their number, I'd key it into my phone right then and and hit dial, you know, hit, hit, hit the call button so that their phone rings in their purse or if it's nearby them. And I've never gotten a bogus number ever.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
No woman's ever given me a fake number. And by calling it, you know, if it's real, because it's going to ring her purse will start vibrating. Right. Right. So, and then I leave a voicemail and I'll say, you know, you know, Hey, Hey, Hey, sweetie pie or whatever. You know, I, I, I told my wife this, I started calling every woman I dated sweetie really early on because I was dating so many women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I didn't want to fuck their names up, especially in bed. So I just started calling them all sweetie. Oh, you. Oh, sweetie. Oh, sweetie. So my wife actually thought that was pretty smart, pretty clever. So anyway, I'd say, hey, sweetie, this is Robert. I'm standing right in front of you. I'm going to call you later this week. I just wanted you to know who this number was on your keypad.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So I'd leave him a message right then, tell him I was going to call him. And then, you know. If I wanted to, I'd call them and follow up on it. But by being just that directive that, you know, give me your number, your phone's out, it's in your hand, give it and then call it. It just clicks. You know, I can't, again, I can't tell you 80 to 90% of the women always gave me numbers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Don't try to win her approval. Don't be overly nice. Be willing to get to rejection. And bring your sexual agenda. Don't hide it from her. You want to see her naked. That's why you're talking to her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Now, again, let me add that. Again, I'm not a big fan of just approaching, walking across a room because you think a woman's hot. But if you are out being a social animal, you'll notice women sending you IOIs, indicators of interest. They'll smile. They'll look your way. They'll turn your body towards you. Approach those women.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
So the best way I know to overcome approach anxiety is approach the women who've sent you signals of interest. They're already interested. OK, well, you know, you almost got nothing to lose and and you don't have to impress them. They already noticed you. So approach the women, as David Data says, choose a woman who chooses you.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
go go the other way i put it go walk through open doors don't go pound on closed doors i like that i like that two more um how do you know when a woman is interested in you and when she's not usually she'll like talking to you she'll interact she'll touch you she'll laugh at your dumb jokes um she'll move her body in and out um You'll know. You'll know.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You know, guys will say, you mentioned earlier about what to talk about. Guys will say, what do I do when the conversation just kind of comes to an end? And I go, say nice to meet you and walk away because you just reach low interest. If a woman is interested in you, the conversation will stay interesting.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Okay, shit test goes back to women being security-seeking creatures. Shit test doesn't mean they're being shitty to us. They're trying to test, do we have our shit together? Now, I do have to distinguish from men. Shit tests are not mean. If a woman's mean, if she says hurtful things to you, if she's a bitch to you, walk away. She's mean, okay? Shit tests is like they show up a little bit late.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
You know, they ask you to hold their purse. Quick story. I was dating a woman, dated her for about three years. You know, she was my home decorator. And so we'd go out and she'd want to like plug a lamp in to see how it looked. And she'd hand me her Louis Vuitton purse. You know, hold my purse. And I go, I don't hold purses. She goes... What?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I go, I don't ask you to hold my bowling ball, so I'm not going to hold your purse. That was just a joke because I don't have a bowling ball. And she looked at me. And that always kind of pissed her off a little bit. I said, what would you do if I wasn't here? What would you do with your purse if I wasn't standing here to hold it for you? Well, I'd set it down and plug the lamp in.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I go, all right, you got it figured out. You don't need me to hold it. And then we'd been dating, been together for a couple of years. We were in like a Starbucks coffee shop. There's a couple in front of us. And the woman was obviously the boss, the heifer. She was doing the ordering and the guy just kind of passed him. She just hands him her purse like she just knows he's going to hold it.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
And he's just standing there while she orders with her purse in his hand. And my girlfriend looks at me. She goes, I get it now. I don't remember what the question was, but it had to do with holy purchase. Basically, passing tests. They're not trying to be mean.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
I always say, if we are their security system, it's like we're their castle. and the marauding hordes are outside coming to rape and pillage, and they're inside the castle. They got to go around with a broomstick, poking the window jams, the door jams, the window casings, seeing where are they most vulnerable? Where's the castle most vulnerable? That's what they do with us.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
They got to see where we're most vulnerable. So they're actually pretty good at poking us in our most vulnerable places. And we go, ouch, that hurt. You're being mean. Now, they're really not. They're just seeing... Like my ex said, are you man enough to stand up to me? And then I know you'll stand up for me. Wow.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
Well, drglover.com is great. And I'll just say I've been converting. I have half a dozen online courses that I've been teaching for years and written courses, but I'm converting them all to video. And I think your guys would love my video class on positive emotional tension. And the basic premise is women have to experience emotional tension to be attracted to a man and have sexual arousal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Bestselling Author Dr. Robert Glover on How to Confidently Meet Women without Being Too Nice (Encore Episode)
But unfortunately, we men tend to hate emotional tension in relationship. So the PET, positive emotional tension video course, I think you guys are going to love it.