Elisabeth McKay

If they lose, it reinforces their painful narrative about being the victim.

Either way, the cycle perpetuates.

That's why jealousy is exhausting.

The nervous system never actually comes into a place of rest.

This happened a few weeks ago once where I had her 16th birthday.

And when I was watching it unfold, I marked it in my mind.

This is a great example to share with all of you because it happens.

And if you help a child learn how to map it correctly, it doesn't become a loop that persists.

They get a chance to get out of it.

So Sarai had her 16th birthday and she wanted all of us to get dressed up to go out together.

Everyone gathered around this office.

Everyone was putting their makeup on and their clothes on.

Everyone was done up and confident and glowing.

And at one point watching everybody get ready, Sarai got really emotional and she started saying, I'm ugly.

You guys are so much prettier than me.

I look like a monster.

And I remember immediately sitting her down with all of our friends around us and I told her, Sarai, this is one of the most important lessons that I will ever teach you.

Being surrounded by powerful, beautiful women only amplifies your beauty.

It does not diminish it.

And you could see that comparison spiral happening in real time.