Elizabeth Shaw
speaker
1,154 appearances
11 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2016
last heard Sep 2021
Elizabeth Shaw’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Um I mean certainly um one of the risk factors for ending up in a an abusive relationship is growing up in an abusive relationship.
So um it there's no doubt it's a risk factor.
And that's the same for perpetrators of abuse as much as it is for victims.
So um so I think being able to work that through in terms of the impact.
But of course what you've got is a double impact.
One is just the observation of that and the trauma of it, but it's also um how it played out.
Like if you saw a parent stay who shouldn't have stayed, um or a parent who who still said, Oh, but they didn't mean it, or you know, in fact that's very invalidating or it wasn't that bad.
Um the combination of the trauma and the invalidation or dressing it up as better than it was really messes with your head.
Well, bearing in mind, you know, as I said that um it's the combination of what you've experienced growing up and your own temperament and a range of other factors.
It's this sort of
this this combination that that's in there for you that um that I think one thing is, as I mentioned before, to really get to know yourself.
A lot of people who are either anxious or avoidant spend a lot of their time focusing on their partners.
They weren't worth being with.
They were not up to scratch.
Instead of saying, what is it about me that I every time I'm with someone, I get this urge to flee or this urge to cling.
If you work out what goes on for you, then you've got power, you've got strength because you you know yourself and you can also uh modulate your own behaviour.
The other thing is that there is some research that does say that, say, for an anxious person who fears abandonment,
That in fact something like getting married, um, for those who are actually able to, um, can have an impact on calming them down.
You know, once you've objectively got reason to say
Look, I've got someone, we've made it, there's every reason to believe we're on solid ground, even though we'll a quick at all question that.
Showing 461–480 of 1,154 · page 24 of 58
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