Esther Perel
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
And there's a beautiful formula of Jack Maureen, a major sexologist, who that says attraction plus obstacle equals excitement or desire.
Obstacle is friction.
It makes me want more when I don't have and I have to reach out and I have to seduce and I have to be imaginative rather than it's right in my lap.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm not talking about toxicity.
I'm talking about friction.
I'm talking about this that creates heat.
It's really that.
It's the ability to tolerate difference.
It's the idea that other people will have very different versions of what just happened.
And they're sitting right side by side with you.
It's tolerance for conflict.
It's rupture and repair.
Friction is all the paradoxes or the contradictions that we feel in relationships.
Attraction and disgust.
Care and aggression.
Rupture and repair.
Trust and betrayal.
These polarities are intrinsic.