Esther Perel

And if when and you know, sometimes what it means, because a friend can tell you something, and you don't instantly think it's you.

Why do people personalize it though?

Because there are only two relationships that really mirror each other.

The one you had with your family or your original caretakers, caregivers, and the one you have in your romantic intimacies.

Those two match.

People can tell you, I don't have this with any of my friends.

And I believe them.

You don't, I'm sure.

You know to maintain that differentiation is what we call this.

that there are two people here.

And when one person feels something, the other person can feel for them, but they're not feeling the same thing as them.

I remember the first time you told me that.

I care about it.

And I see people struggling.

More and more.

And I also know that there is nothing that matters more in our lives.

You know, it's like you have daddy gang.

I have the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships.

And everything else follows from there.

Joining us for a second time, world-famous psychotherapist best known for her extensive work on relationships, Esther is the best-selling author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs.