Esther Perel

What matters the most is not compatibility in communication styles, but accountability.

It's the ability to say, I was threatened.

And I just lashed out on you.

I just said things that I wish I didn't say.

But when I'm scared or when I fight, I sometimes don't know where to stop.

I take full responsibility for this.

I realized that when I said that I was not paying attention to what you had said before, to your needs, to what you had asked from me, to how I let you down.

It's the ability to take responsibility without shame.

and do you suggest or again does it not matter should repair happen in the moment or can you wait great question so some people can do it in the moment other people need 20 minutes two hours or two days so if you are with someone who needs two days don't start talking in the moment they're totally dysregulated they can't listen they're not yet there wait

But this is what happens is that you have one person who needs to make sure that we don't go to bed.

Upset.

Upset.

And the other one who just doesn't, don't give me one more word or I'm going to.

Explode.

Yeah.

So this is where one needs to learn to engage sooner and one needs to learn to wait longer.

That's friction, by the way.

It's accountability and it's acknowledgement of the differences.

I mean, you're needing the three days is not because of me.

You need three days is because of who you are and how you've learned to calm down and whatever history you come with.