Esther Perel

Whose needs get priority?

Who gets to decide?

much of our fighting is actually about power and control it doesn't matter if it looks like it's about money or the kids or the parents or my activities or your friends the second thing we fight about is care and closeness can i trust you do you have my back will you look out for me can i rely on you

And we don't say, I fight about trust.

We fight about, you didn't call me and you didn't tell me we're going to be late.

And you didn't tell me that you had visited these people and you didn't share that with me.

And I didn't know you tell chat GPT this and that, you know, care and closeness.

And the third one is respect and recognition.

Do you value me?

When you didn't invite me to join you, we can talk about how I wasn't included.

But the issue is I didn't feel valued.

I don't feel like I'm important in your life.

So power and control, care and closeness, and respect and recognition.

Power, trust, and value.

That's what most fights are about.

Shit.

If you get away from all the what, you will actually understand why people get so upset.

It's so... I'm so happy you're here.

I don't feel valued.

That's what hurts.