Gemma Spake

I'm going to feel trapped in

What you're really scared of is losing control, not actually of moving.

I'm scared I'll leave this relationship.

I'll never meet anybody else.

You're not scared of leaving the relationship.

You're scared of being lonely.

But there's no, you don't have any proof that that's actually what it's going to be like.

That is just your deep human personal fear.

Then you can reinforce again that maybe this isn't the case.

Again, use that five by five method I mentioned before.

What are five alternatives?

And what are five ways that I'm going to be okay even if I am lonely?

Even if I do lose control.

I also want you to notice here that none of the advice shared, none of the advice that would be given to you by a therapist or a psychologist is wait until you're not scared anymore.

Speaking really bluntly, it's not going to arrive.

You're always going to be scared.

It's hard wired into you.

Your threat system is designed to warn you against uncertainty.

Uncertainty is a promise of life.

Change is always going to bring about that feeling.