Gemma Speig

speaker

1,085 appearances 3 recordings 1 series first heard Feb 2026 last heard 7 May

Gemma Speig’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in May 2026 with 2.

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The Psychology of your 20s · 390. The psychology of serial monogamy & relationship hopping · 28 Feb 2026 podcast

You may find it really hard to answer that question.

Another thing that can happen over time is that you don't always get the chance to actually consolidate relational learning.

So maybe again, you answer that question, what do I want out of my life?

And it's to be in love.

Being in a relationship constantly probably won't actually help you in that either.

Most people understand relationships through experiences, right?

You date, you make mistakes, you notice what you do and don't like, what you avoid, what you repeat.

Maybe you break up, maybe you don't, but...

You have to learn something.

If you do break up, you have to, you get something from that.

And the research shows that learning in this case or learning of any kind tends to crystallize and become more substantial and impactful when there is a pause between the next lesson, when you can reflect without immediately being swept up in the emotional demands or cognitive demands of something new.

I think one of the most valuable things you can do in the aftermath of a relationship is like the painful work of self-reflection.

And I think that is a way of honoring the relationship, even if it didn't work out.

I think it also really helps you close the story of the relationship by acknowledging like and doing this work and acknowledging like, yes, this really hurt.

I really didn't want it to end this way.

I wish it had ended differently, but it didn't.

And this is why.

Sometimes you don't get a future, you get a lesson.

And that can be just as valuable if you take time to absorb it.

Without the pause, and I'm sorry, I'm really laboring on this point, but without the pause, you still move forward, but you don't always integrate any of that learning into your next relationship.

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